Pain power

Everybody's experienced pain before, lots and lots. But I seem to have a different kind of pain. When I do bad stuff, I choke back regrets and it makes my heart explode a million times. I don't know why. When I get bad results, I cry and cry sometimes inside, sometimes outside. Whenever I have pain, it never goes away. I dare say never because I can still feel the sadness when I lost my first teddy bear. The pain didn't die, I didn't get used to it, I just got to hate it and appreciate it at the same time.