To Fall All Over Again

A/N: As promised, the very last James and Lily fanfic is debuting in late June, which is right now. Unfortunately, this is merely the very first chapter and I still have much to work on so the next update might be around early July. I shall beforehand apologize for the wait. I have a life, you know...and of course, more to work on with James and Lily. 

"Well, Minerva?” Albus Dumbledore spoke calmly to his deputy with an eccentric twinkle in his eyes.

“Lily Evans, yes. Of course, Albus. But no one seems be the appropriate choice for Head Boy…” Minerva McGonagall read the seventh year prefects’ list over and over again. She sighed. Lily Evans was a stubborn but exceptionally bright student. She knew very well that when you work with Ms. Evans, it was either her way or the highway. McGonagall could only name one person who could change Ms. Evans.

“James Potter,” Dumbledore’s deep, rumbling voice answered her thoughts. “Yes, he seems ideal.”

“Albus, you can’t be serious!” McGonagall protested. Sure, James Potter was a good prefect but he was still a prankster. A very good prankster to be exact and spent more time in detention than out.

“And why is that?” Albus looked amused.

“You know exactly how they are, they don’t get along well behind our backs,” McGonagall knew very well about the weekly rows between Lily and James as well as their clashing personalities.

Albus shook his head slowly, “James has been making an improvement and they seem to have become more civil with each other.” His voice had a strangely light and amused undertone.

The second meaning of the words sank into McGonagall, “Albus, you are a headmaster, not a matchmaker!”

“Precisely, Minerva. I am a headmaster and it is my duty to make sure students get along with each other,” Dumbledore dipped his quill into the inkpot and carefully wrote out the name ‘James Potter’ on a piece of parchment next to the words ‘Lily Evans’. He couldn’t help noticing that their names do look good next to each other.  

WORLD CLASS AURORS HAROLD AND JUDY POTTER TO FIGHT YOU-KNOW-WHO

Two extremely gifted legends in the Auror Department, Harold and Judy Potter, have been assigned the mission of defeating the notorious Lord Voldemort, the leader of the Death Eaters and many Dark creatures.

“Judy and I promise to fight until the very end,” says Auror Harold Potter at an interview concerning the mission. “Because the wizarding worlds’ safety is our priority.”

Full details continued on the next page.

Beneath the article was a magical moving photo of a middle-aged couple dressed in smart Aurors robes and smiling proudly at the camera. The man was tall with unruly black hair and icy blue eyes. His face was set with determination and had a very intimidating yet sad look, as if he had seen too many fears. The woman had a kind face but her hazel eyes shone with fierceness and courage.

James snorted and crumpled up the Daily Prophet. He then chucked it violently into one of the trashcans at King’s Cross Station. “Stupid missions,” he muttered to himself as he pulled his loaded trunk towards the entrance of Platform 9 ¾ and for the first time, he was alone. “Yeah, Mum and Dad are world class Aurors but hey, who cares about their family?”

Flashback:

“Harold, I fear for your safety,” Dumbledore said. His light blue eyes focused on James’ father. “It is likely that Tom Riddle is after you.” Your son, James silently corrected his Headmaster in his head.

“I understand, Professor,” Harold Potter sighed at his desk. His face seemed to have grown older, if that was possible with the sixty-year-old man.

“He’s after your money and last name,” Dumbledore stated plainly, as if ‘money’ didn’t stand for twelve whole Gringotts vaults filled to the brim with Galleons with the Potter’s property attached to them.

“I am fully aware of our power, Professor,” James’ father replied dryly.

“And we are the only people powerful enough to stop him,” finished Judy Potter. Her beautiful chin was tilted high, her hazel eyes blazing. James’ half-closed eyes snapped open.

“No! I won’t let you,” James stood up from his chair, towering over his mother.

“James, sit down,” his mother said firmly but James ignored her, he was 17 now, completely of age.

“Don’t you see, you’re playing right into his hands!” James practically yelled at his parents.

“James! We are the only family able to take him down! Do you think the Blacks, Malfoys or Lestranges would bother?” Harold Potter snapped.

“Then let me come with you, I’ve practically finished Seventh Year at Hogwarts anyways,” James demanded.

“No,” Judy replied. “You will stay with Professor Dumbledore until you are ready. He will keep you safe.”

“I don’t need protection and I am ready!” James protested.

“James, as the heir of the Potter fortune and the heir of Gryffindor, I will not allow you to run around willy-nilly trying to fight Death Eaters before you are fully prepared,” his father thundered, playing the ‘extremely powerful birthright’ card. “It would be best if you stayed out of the fighting as much as possible.”

“Think of your parents, James,” Dumbledore said gently. And his eyes added one more line, Think of Lily.

Despite the obvious truth and logic in their words, James was still furious. His parents were old- they weren’t as sharp anymore. One slow movement in combat would cost them their lives.

“No, James. That is final,” Harold got up from his desk and started to stride out of the room. “I’m going to find Alastor about the mission.” Before he left the room, he glanced at his wife, as if to say, Talk some sense into him, Judy.

“James, you’re Head Boy this year. We’re not going to miss your speech at graduation,” Judy grinned at James, her smile lines prominent.

“You’re mother’s right, I chose you well, don’t let me down,” Dumbledore added.

“And about that Lily girl, she seems fabulous. Take her home for Christmas, alright?” Judy said lightly. But James could see the true meaning behind her words, ‘If we’re not around anymore, at least you have her as family.’

“Fine,” James replied half-heartedly.

 

James replayed the conversation over and over in his head. He still couldn’t understand why his parents had to go on such dangerous missions and just leave him here in the dark. They had been going on missions as soon as he could walk and James had been worrying ever since. He was fed up of worrying about them all the time. He just wanted them to be at home, at the Potter Manor, safe and sound.

Was that too much to ask?

Apparently, yes. 

“Last year at Hogwarts’, Lils,” I muttered to myself as I Apparated promptly to Platform 9 and ¾ on September 1^st. It felt good going back to Hogwarts’. Especially this year, since I was appointed Head Girl. I admit that I wasn’t completely surprised. But I wondered who was Head Boy. Dumbledore couldn’t have chosen a Slytherin. None of the Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs were particularly outstanding. Oh well, the only way to find out is to see for myself.

I quickly went to the Prefects’ carriage and was surprised to see Sirius Black coming out of the compartment. “Sirius, what are you doing here? You’re not allowed here.”

Sirius, being Sirius Black, pretended that he didn’t hear me and smirked, “What are you doing here?” He said it in a ridiculously high and singsong voice.

“Oh, please, don’t mock me,” I rolled my eyes. “Head Girl, Black. Deal with it.” I flashed him a smile.

Sirius froze; I noticed his hand gripped the handle of the compartment door until his knuckles were white, “HOLD ON! You’re Head Girl?” He glanced down to my chest where my new badge was.

I rolled my eyes and huffed, “No, Sirius. The ‘HG’ on my badge stands for ‘Hoarse Grindylow’.”

Then the git started laughing. I raised an eyebrow at him, “What? My joke can’t be that funny.”

He doubled over and shook his mane of black hair violently, “J-j-just go inside, Evans.” I rolled my eyes and stalked into the Heads compartment. Who even understood Sirius Black anyways?

Then, I just about died from shock.

Well, that was an understatement. I closed the door with a loud slam. The boy inside jumped about a mile, as he had been sitting there quietly reading a Quidditch magazine seemingly waiting for me. However, when he glanced up at me, he gave me a huge smile but his hazel eyes were strangely dim. "Evans, we finally meet.”

“James, what are you doing here?” I was still rooted to the spot.

He shrugged, “Reading…maybe waiting for the Head Girl?”

“And why?” The answer hit me before he could reply.

“Because I’m Head Boy?” he smirked. I felt like someone had dumped a whole bucket of ice water on me. This was not happening.

I think I should tell all of you why- I still had not figured out what the fuck happened last year. I don’t know how to answer James Potter. And there was only one thing that I was sure about- I liked James Potter.

The James Potter that I had called an arrogant toerag for five long years but in 365 days, the world did a 180 and I couldn’t even yell ‘big-headed wanker’ to him in the face and actually mean it. This is so messed up.

Drama? Check. Tension, possibly sexual? Check. A whole bucketful of teenage hormones? Double check. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present you the most entertaining-slash-confusing-slash-complicated-slash-ridiculous love story that has ever graced Hogwarts’ halls. There has been no couple in history this screwed up to the third degree. Okay, maybe besides Romeo and Juliet.

James sighed and reached out the badge so I could read it. It clearly stated  ‘HB’, the initials for Head Boy. “Dumbledore said, direct quote, I chose you well, don’t let me down.’”

“How did you get to talk to Dumbledore during the summer?” I asked suspiciously.

“Never mind that,” he muttered. “Look, the train’s leaving already, we should go meet the prefects now. After that, you can yell at me all you want later on.” His famous grin was now spread over his face.

I rolled her eyes and walked out towards the prefects' lounge. I knew that James was following me. This was going to be a long year.

When I opened the door and walked in, all of the talking ceased. I wasn't sure if it was because I looked pissed off or because James Potter had walked in behind me. Only Remus was smiling— actually, he was almost laughing at the two of us. Good on him. Bellatrix and Severus were sneering at me, probably screaming blood impurity insults in their heads. I shook my head and sat down up front. James sat off to my side a bit. "Great, is everyone here?"

Everyone looked around and seemed to nod. I nodded and let out a breath. “James Potter and I are Head Boy and Girl this year." Anyone looking at me could probably tell that I was not exactly thrilled with this assignment. "This meeting is just to get you all to introduce yourselves to one another, for the older students to help the new fifth year prefects, and the like. All of you are to periodically patrol the corridors of the train and let either James or myself know of any problems. Prefects can use the prefects' lounge and prefects' bathrooms on the fifth floor at Hogwarts. The password for these areas is 'cauldron cakes.' James and I will develop a sign-up sheet for you all in the prefects' lounge so you can sign up to do patrol of the hallways two nights a week. That's about it unless there is something you would like to add?" I looked over at James.

"Dumbledore asked me to inform all of you that he would like for us all to practice some inter-house unity. He understands that everyone is sorted into houses, becomes friends with those in their houses, and plays or supports the Quidditch teams of their houses, but he would like us all to make an effort to encourage studying with students from other houses or meeting up with students from other houses. This is something you all can do when signing up to do patrol," he added absently, his eyes were glazed over. I frowned at this. Why was he so distant again?

Anyways, I was more taken aback by the calm way James Potter handled himself and was also a bit hurt that Dumbledore hadn't mentioned any of that to me. But I had no time to comment because Severus beat me to it, looking at James with utter dislike and disdain. "Potter, what if we think it best to partner up with those from our own house? Why should we HAVE to pair up with someone we don't know or may not even like?"

James frowned and looked like he was trying extremely hard to keep his temper in check. "Because Dumbledore is telling you to do it and to give it a chance. I'm not saying that this will work out perfectly."

Bellatrix jumped in before Severus could start an argument, "Well, James Potter.” She spat out the last word like venom. “We’ll see how it’s like, under your and her control.” She jerked her chin to James and I respectively like she had some sort of unknown grudge between us.

Severus looked ready to spit fire with his eyes, but remained silent. I blinked. What did Bellatrix meant? What in the world was going on? I watched James roll his eyes at her blatant attention like he had seen it millions of times before. His voice was sharper than normal as he forced himself to speak calmly, "Bella, this is not about us at all. It is Dumbledore's request of the Heads and the prefects to set an example for the other students."

I interrupted before this odd conversation would go any further, "Okay, well, we'll schedule a prefects' meeting at some point to discuss this further. The sign-up sheet will be up later tonight so you all can begin to sign up and begin patrol starting tomorrow. Please go and patrol the train, and we'll see you all later."

Everyone had got up to go. I turned to see James scowling and Remus laughing at him. She cautiously approached them both and caught the end of what Remus was saying, "…can't believe she would do that in front of everyone. I thought she was over that, Prongs."

James didn't see my approach and was immediately defensive, "Bella knows how to hold a grudge.  Plus, it was just the Black family acting all superior and— " Remus cut him off and nodded to me.

James turned and noticed me looking at him oddly. He turned back to Remus with a 'help me' expression. "Umm, I gotta talk with Evans for a bit. Come by if you get the chance, okay?"

Remus just grinned at the two of us and nodded as he left. James got up and gestured for me to go on ahead of him. When we reached the Heads' room, James plopped down on the left side and grabbed a book out of his things. I was just mad that he was still here in the Heads' room at all. I huffed and pulled out two small pieces from my pocket and cast two enlargement charms. The two small pieces slowly grew into my trunk and satchel.

I levitated my trunk away and opened up my satchel to grab a quill and some parchment. If I was stuck with James Potter for a year, I was going to make him work. Whether I had a ‘slight crush’ on him last year or not.

"So, James, we should organize the stuff for Hogsmeade weekends, and make that sign-up sheet."

James argued, "We only need to make the sign-up sheet right now. Dumbledore wants to meet with us this Wednesday afternoon to discuss Hogsmeade weekends and whatever else we want to do this year. We can plan all that in the next couple of days before the meeting."

I rolled my eyes impatiently. "How would you know what Dumbledore wants anyway? Since when do you even see him when you aren't causing trouble?"

I leaned back, not sure what to say. I couldn't tell her the real reason, but I had to say something. I couldn’t let anyone, especially those bloody Death Eater Slytherins, know about the real reason. Even Lily’s piercing green eyes couldn’t force the answer out of me. "Umm, Dumbledore is really good friends with my family, Evans. I saw him a lot this summer at my house. I wouldn't lie about talking with Dumbledore or his requests."

Lily leaned back on the seats as well, “Sorry, I forgot who your family was, James Potter.” Her chin was lifted defiantly and her green eyes cold.

I was surprised to hear her apologize but immediately got defensive as well. She was basically calling me a ‘snobby pureblood’, “Just because I’m a pureblood and all doesn’t mean I’m like those Slytherins. My family doesn’t uphold the pureblood ideals and are actually considered blood traitors by most. My family has been in Gryffindor for generations. You shouldn’t be too quick to judge.”

Lily looked almost taken aback by my tone. I had never been so short with her before. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she said quietly.

I nodded and let it go. "So, this sign-up sheet thing is easy."

I waved my wand and the blank parchment in front of her was immediately made out for the prefects to sign up for specific days of the week, four prefects to each day. I thought for a moment and then waved my wand again. The parchment now also mentioned that the Heads would be doing the late rounds each night from 10-11pm to make sure all were properly in their dormitories, including the prefects. "There, that should satisfy things."

Lily narrowed her eyes. “James, why am I doing rounds with you every night?”

"Then, you and I can switch off every other night and do it solo if you can't stand to be around me for a mere hour. That's the best way to do it, and you know it. The Heads always do the late rounds anyway,” I shrugged.

Lily blinked, as if she didn’t expect this. I smirked, pulled out a book from my bag and started to read it. It was on Transfiguration and I had been dying to read it. It was on special loan from Dumbledore.

To see him actually sit still and read a book about Transfiguration (not on the book list, mind you) and look interested was rather surprising. But something was still wrong about him in the 30 minutes after I first saw him. His eyes didn’t have any spirit in them anymore, his usually mischievous aura was barely there and he was, again, distant from the world.

I wondered if this had anything to do with last year. I still had to give him his answer. I mean, we both liked each other, right? So why was it so hard to say it out loud?

I wanted to admit it. I needed to admit it. So… Nah, he doesn’t seem like in the mood right now. I shook my head and grabbed a copy of the Daily Prophet off the train’s trolley. James’ gaze flickered to the newspaper and he suddenly glared at the paper.

“You shouldn’t have come back this year,” he said quietly. Then his eyes dropped back to his book. I raised my eyebrows at him. What did he mean by that?

When the train had stopped, James and I escorted all of the returning students to the carriages and helped Hagrid with the first years, before jumping into the last carriage together. I sighed. James still hadn't said anything to me. I wondered why it bothered me so much. Probably because I had to communicate with the Head Boy all year to make sure things got done properly perhaps? I was going to force myself to be nice. Hopefully no one would fuck it up this time round. "Umm, James?"

James looked surprised to see me speaking to him. "Yes?"

"Where exactly is the Heads' dormitory?"

James gave me a small smile. "I'll show you where after the feast. It's up on the sixth floor near the walls of armor. There's a not-so-secret passageway and a sphinx gargoyle which moves in response to the password."

I raised one of my eyebrows. "Not-so-secret?"

James just chuckled. "The Marauders know a lot of things about the castle, Evans."

“Have you ever been in there?” I smirked.

James tilted his head to one side, “Once, we camped out in front of the entrance until the Head Boy came back to the dorm. It was brilliant inside.”

My eyes lit up, “How brilliant?”

James laughed quietly, “I think you should see for yourself.”

When the carriages arrived, Potter and I again helped to organize everyone inside. When we walked into the Great Hall, I immediately noticed that Sirius was talking rather solemnly with Professor Dumbledore near the Professors' table. James immediately left me and went up to talk with them both. I rolled her eyes and sat down in a huff. Amy and Mary eventually plopped down across from me. They both had a mischievous look in their eyes. "So you and Potter? NO WAY. People were talking about it all over the train."

I rolled my eyes. Great, I was gossip material already; Hogwarts sure had an excellent grapevine system. "Just what I need. Yes, it's Potter and I, unfortunately. Although I have to admit, and I won't say this to anyone else, he might just do an ok job."

Amy's eyes widened in disbelief. "No! Who are you, and what have you done with Lily Evans?"

I laughed. "I'm serious. I don't like it obviously, but he does have a way with being in authority and appears to be mates with Dumbledore which seems to be beneficial."

“Or maybe… Our little Head Girl here still has feelings for our wonderful Head Boy,” Mary waggled her eyebrows. I felt my cheeks flush red, “So what?”

Amy ignored Mary’s comment and gazed over to where James and Dumbledore were still talking at the front of the Great Hall. "Ick. That kind of sucks. It might work in your favor though, for stuff you want to do and all."

I nodded. After the sorting and the feast began, I noticed that I had been watching Potter without meaning to. No, not stalker like but…more of concerned-like. He seemed more relaxed now that Sirius was here. Curiosity pulled at my mind to know the reason Sirius had been talking with Dumbledore, but knew that it didn't involve me and I should leave it alone.

After the Welcome Back feast, James and I walked out of the Great Hall together to the sixth floor corridors. He stopped in front of a blank wall

"Watch," he ordered.

I watched as he tapped his wand in three specific places. Nothing appeared to have happened, but then James walked right through the wall. I tentatively put my hand out and upon seeing it dematerialize, followed him through. James had already walked down the short hallway and had stopped at a sphinx. "The password is going to be 'Gillywater.' Also, do not let Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, or Peter Pettigrew come through, even with the password."

The sphinx immediately sprung open. We both entered and were not surprised to see the circular Heads' common room in Gryffindor colors. There was a couch, two plush armchairs, and a coffee table in front of a fireplace, which already had a fire blazing. Then, there was also a long mahogany table with two chairs off to the far right, probably for studying.

At our left, a floor-to-ceiling window that offered a spectacular view of Hogwarts’ Grounds with a luxuriously wide window seat covered with scarlet cushions replaced the wall. In the back of the room, there were stairs leading to two doors. The one on the left had my name written on it while the one on the right had James' name on it. I smiled at the room, it was a lot better than Gryffindor Tower.

“Knew you’d like it,” James smirked at me and dropped down to the couch. I privately scowled at him, as if he knew me so well.

“Well, it is amazing in here,” I paced slowly around the room. It wasn’t big but I still wanted to feel each and every corner.

“Mm-hm,” James replied absent-mindedly.

"Why don't you want your friends to be able to enter?"

James frowned. "Trust me, that is for your protection as well as mine. I don't like being woken up at 4am with buckets of ice water or being tarred and feathered just before breakfast. And, erm, Sirius is a nosy bloke."

"Oh, yes. Then, I suppose that's a good thing." I eyed him warily. "That means you too, you know."

James rolled his eyes at me even suggesting he would do such a thing. "Marauder’s honor. And of course, a gentleman’s as well.” He winked suggestively at me.

"Whatever. Just leave me alone, and we'll get along fine. Is that clear?"

James held up his hands in defeat, but then he smiled. "Crystal. Does this mean you won't go out with me, Evans?"

I rolled my eyes, more out of exasperation than anger, “Oh please, James Potter.”

I watched Lily practically fly to her room and slam the door. I sighed. Maybe I'd have better luck another time. Oh wait, correction. I never had any luck with Lily Evans. Not after what happened last year. Maybe I should just tell her straightforwardly. But the piercing gleam of those green eyes made my nerves kick in like you wouldn’t believe it. I sighed and shook my head. What kind of Gryffindor was I?

When I opened the door to my dorm, I was surprised to see the room was identical to my bedroom at home. I smiled and plopped myself onto the full bed. It was going to be an interesting year.

The first two weeks of living with James Potter weren’t so bad. Hell, why wouldn’t it be? I had to admit that James wasn’t such a bad dorm mate, he was considerate most of the time and he respected my privacy. It was refreshing to see this side of James Potter so often.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same for being Head Boy. He never gave out any harsh punishments and especially avoided giving detentions unless they were necessary. This annoyed me quite often because he shouldn't be so damn lenient.

Once, we passed a locked broom closet that had been making some, well, obvious noises and instead of unlocking it and giving whoever was in there detentions, he merely banged on the door, told Sirius to use a Silencing charm next time and if he was not gone in another five minutes, he was going to give him and his new sweetie detentions.

Needless to say, five minutes later, the broom closet had been empty. And yet, I could never say anything bad about him because all the other students thought he was doing a great job. That thought made me scowl.

But something was still constantly bugging me. James was ridiculously agitated about something. I had watched him carefully every morning when he opened the Daily Prophet; he would scan to front page intently and read it thoroughly. He seemed particularly interested about the war against Voldemort. I didn’t pay much attention to the war yet. It was enough hearing the Slytherins hexing and bullying the Muggleborns and calling them ‘Mudbloods’. Afterwards, he would either heave a sigh of relief or become more frustrated about something then he would finally sit down to eat something.

There was definitely also something wrong with him at night. Even from my dorm, I could hear something scuffling in his room in the dead of night. It was either some heavy breathing or sounds of someone wiping up a mess. I paid little attention to this strange behavior. After all, what could he do in there?

Currently, we were heading to a second Heads' meeting with Professor Dumbledore. James had taken me on a secret route from the Heads' Dorm to his office. He had said it was faster, but I really didn't want to be in a secret hallway with James Potter. "Are we almost there? You said this would be faster."

James rolled his eyes at my impatience. "It's right up there."

I looked where he was now walking and was surprised to find out that he was right. We had just come out from behind a tapestry and the walk had been cut down by about five minutes. "Oh."

They were in front of the gargoyles blocking the entrance of Dumbledore's office in seconds. James immediately said, "Cockroach cluster."

Nothing happened, and I was rather surprised. "He changed it? Why? I suppose we could just wait out here."

James shook his head. "Nah. He probably wanted me to have a challenge. Bertie Bott's? No wait, he doesn't like them. Acid pops? Licorice Wands? Madam Rosmerta's Oak Mead? Butterbeer? Sugar Quills?"

Again, nothing happened. I smirked. "Any more bright ideas, Potter?"

James ignored me and was just thinking to himself. Suddenly, his face brightened. "It's got to be his favorite. Lemon Drops."

To my surprise, the gargoyle began to move and a staircase appeared. James just laughed at my disappointed expression. "Come on, Evans. We don't want to be late."

I huffed and started up the stairs ahead of him. I knocked gently on the Headmaster's door and opened it when I heard the familiar voice or Professor Dumbledore allowing us to come in. "Good evening, Professor."

Dumbledore just smiled at the two of us. "Come in, come in. We have much to discuss."

James and I took the seats he gestured to. Before Dumbledore could continue, James asked, "Where's Fawkes, Sir?"

I looked at James curiously. "Fawkes?"

Dumbledore gestured to the empty perch next to his desk. "Fawkes is my phoenix familiar, Ms. Evans. He is currently out doing a bit of business for myself."

James nodded at his words. I hadn't known Dumbledore had a pet phoenix, but resisted asking any further questions. Dumbledore began, "Well, I received your final list the other day for all the Hogsmeade weekends for the year. There was only a problem with the one date in March. It coincided too closely with our Spring Break. The rest can all go forward. That means the first one will be in two weeks. You will need to help the Heads of Houses collect permission forms from the third years." He watched us nod at his words before continuing, "Also, you both didn't really specify about other activities you would like to plan this year. The Heads are in charge of graduation with the prefects, of course, but other than that..."

When Dumbledore trailed off, James interjected, "We had discussed having a Valentine's Day dance, Professor."

I nodded calmly with James, but inwardly scowled at the memory. James had thought they should have a dance of some kind because all of the students expected it, but I didn't really care either way. It had ended in a rather long-winded argument over nothing.

Dumbledore cut through my thoughts, "Well, you two can begin planning that before or just after the holidays. You both will compile the lists for those that wish to stay at the school for the holidays as well, but we needn't worry about that quite yet. I may also require your services for the Halloween feast, but I will let you know more about that in the coming weeks. Other than that, keep on top of the prefects and let me know if there are any troubles."

Dumbledore eyed the two of them and I guessed he noticed our detached silence from each other. He frowned at our distance. "Anything else you two would like to add?"

We both shook our heads immediately, not wanting to get into any more trouble with Dumbledore. "Good, James, I do have one question for you. Something I heard about just today."

James looked at him curiously and upon seeing a certain twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes, he gulped and sank a bit in his chair. He answered him warily, "Yes, Sir?"

"Were you the expert behind the prank of dyeing young Mr. Snape's hair scarlet and gold, along with writing the words 'Gryffindor Forever' across his forehead?"

James paled a bit while I smirked at the look on his face. I expected him to lie, but was surprised when he answered honestly, although it looked somewhat forced, "Yes, Sir."

Dumbledore just smiled. "I thought so. A nice bit of magic, yes, but I think you can use your talents in more appropriate ways, hmm? It took Madam Pomfrey more than a few hours to rectify the change."

James just nodded. Dumbledore continued, "Right, off you go, the both of you."

I was appalled that James hadn't gotten into any trouble. When we were both out of earshot, I heard James let out a long breath like his parents had just called him out. I rolled my eyes. "What makes you so special that you seem to get away with everything?"

I looked at her thoughtfully as we walked into the secret tunnel toward the Heads' Dorm. I figured that I could be somewhat honest, not like she would believe me anyway. "I can’t lie to the old man so he’s usually more lenient with me. Plus, unlike you, he thinks most of our pranks are funny." I flashed a smirk at her.

Lily just rolled her eyes. "Righhhht. Who would actually believe that line of bull?"

I just sighed and remained silent and waited for her usual tirade that was coming. "I can't stand you, Potter! You and your self-righteous attitude! How Dumbledore and you are so chummy is beyond me. How come you and the Marauders get away with everything? That is completely unfair and you know it! When will you grow up?"

I simply nodded.  

When she noticed that she didn’t get a reaction out of me, Lily just scowled and waved her hands in frustration. Looking extremely fed up, she tore off in a huff, not even going into the Heads' Dorm. I sighed. I didn't know how long I could continue holding my tongue and keeping my patience with her. I had no idea why she hated me so much now.

If anything, I had been walking on eggshells around her since our arrival at Hogwarts. I practically let her say whatever she wanted to me, not caring if what she said was false or hurtful. It was beginning to bother me, although what bothered me more was that I still liked her.

Immensely.

She was absolutely beautiful— there was no question about that. She also was incredibly kind to most people; he personally saw her go out of her way to help anyone many a time. She was brilliant, strong-willed, hard working, and ambitious. She didn't let anything anyone ever said about her bother her; well, except for anything I said which usually bothered her. And yet, now that she had been so cold and biting towards me for the last two weeks, I, for the first time, wished I didn't like her so much. It would make things so much easier.

It had been another grueling two weeks. Homework was being piled on, and most students, fifth year and above were having trouble keeping up. I was one of the few who were somehow not finding the pressure to be exhausting. I had finally managed to get together a decent Quidditch team in the little spare time I had in the evenings.

Today had been our second official practice together, and of course, something had to happen. I played Seeker and was especially proud of his three very talented Chasers, sixth year, Camilla Hoyt, the seventh year, Mary McDonald and the fourth year, Hayley Goode. The beaters were Sirius, who had been on the team with him since third year and a new recruit, fifth year, Jake Devereux. The keeper was another new recruit, sixth year, Daniel Owens.

The team worked well together so far. Hayley Goode was a particularly good find last year, she could zoom across the pitch without anyone spotting her. And by the time they noticed the red blur, she had already scored 10 points for Gryffindor. Sirius had been working with Mike a bit extra and at the practice today, they seemed to be working on the same wavelength which was good. Jake, Mary and I had been doing nothing but drills and developing odd plays to get the Quaffle past the keeper.

They all had been playing together for the last two years and were practically mind readers as to how each of them would play. Dan was good too, especially in anticipating a lot of our own chaser moves so I was counting on him that he would do just as well against the other teams.

Today, we had been forced to share half the field with the Slytherin team. I scowled at the memory. Of course, the practice was supervised so as to not let anything get out of hand, seeing as the first match of the season was Gryffindor vs. Slytherin and would take place in about a month and a half. This didn't stop the Slytherin team, however.

Malfoy, being the stupid git that he was, shot a bludger directly at Jake, rendering him unconscious and in the hospital wing. Malfoy, of course, had said it was an unfortunate accident and he, as Captain, was merely showing his new beater the proper way to direct a bludger. Bullshit. Now, I had to cancel practice for the next few days. This put me in a foul mood.

As I finally approached the Heads' Dorm, I scowled again. Lily had also been driving me crazy. She was hot one minute and cold the next. Every other minute, literally sometimes, she would seem to be nice and then suddenly, she would freak out on me for some minor detail. I wasn't sure if she was simply mad at me or was having trouble coping with the stress.

When I opened the door, I saw her sitting on the couch doing what appeared to be homework. She had books open, parchment everywhere, and her quill gripped firmly in her hand. When she glanced up, her face soured. "Back so soon, Potter?"

I huffed, “I live here too, you know.”

"I'm well aware of that. I was just hoping for three hours of peace. You are back after an hour. Oh well, a girl can only hope."

"So what if I'm back early? It's not my fault, you know. Jake's in the hospital wing. Besides, I can choose to end practice early whenever I want if we were all doing well anyway."

“Whatever, I don’t need the details, there’s a letter for you on the couch. Your owl just sent it,” she jerked her chin towards the sofa where a white envelope was placed neatly on a cushion.

“Mm,” I growled. I stalked over to the couch and examined it. It had the Ministry seal on it and it was addressed to ‘the son of Aurors Harold and Judy Potter. My blood froze. This could NOT be good.

Breathing heavily, I immediately ripped it open, not caring that Lily was staring at me like I was a madman.

Mr. James Potter,

I regret to inform you that your parents, Harold and Judy Potter, have lost all connection with the Ministry and the Auror Department on their mission to defeat Voldemort since this morning. Their current whereabouts are unknown and there has been no news on their current condition. The Ministry is sending out other Aurors to track them down where they had last reported to be. Unfortunately, there has been no further information.

Best of luck,

Alastor Moody

Deputy Head of the Auror Department

I stumbled back a few steps. My breath was caught in my throat and had no intention of going neither up nor down. How could this happen? Mum and Dad were missing. No…they had to be fine. They HAD to be alive!  ‘Best of luck,’ the letter had said. I had seen Dad sign many letters and notices with those three words. It usually meant that there was very little or no hope left. This…couldn’t be happening.

 “Are you okay? You can talk about it if you want,” Lily asked, noticing my livid and shocked expression. I knew she meant well but I saw annoyance and anger in her eyes. I felt a burst of anger at her- she didn’t care.

Well, of course! WHO’D BLOODY CARE ABOUT MY ONLY RELATIVES RUNNING OFF TO NOWHERE AND JUST LEAVING ME HERE? WHO’D CARE THAT THEY WERE MISSING? NO ONE! EXCEPT FOR ME! Sure, Judy and Harold Potter would be remembered as heroes if they gave their lives for the mission. But no one would remember them as James Potter’s only parents and close family.  

“Why do you care, Evans?” I muttered angrily before I could think about what I was going to say. I knew I shouldn’t have said it but this was too much. I was tired, angry and worried sick. The last thing I wanted was Lily Evans to have a shouting match with me.

Lily narrowed her eyes at me menacingly, “Fine then. Just run off with some Gryffindor girl who cares then. You don’t need me.”

"Newsflash, Evans! I like YOU! Not one of those peons, not that you even care!"

I scowled. I was getting sick of him telling me he liked me. He just loved to give out strange mixed signals that confused me, especially after last year! How was I supposed to tell him that I really liked him now when I’m so confused if he really meant it or not? Bloody hell! He really liked to screw up his chances again and again, didn’t he? "Whatever, Potter. Why don't you leave me alone for once? All you seem to do is make my life a living hell."

When James turned back toward me, I imperceptibly leaned back from the fire in his eyes. I had never seen him look that angry before, especially with me, and it was more than a little unnerving.

His voice came out low and dangerous, “You’re right, Evans. No one wants me. No one cares.” He paused to think for a while before his volume kicked up a notch and started to yell at me, “You know what, Evans!? Why don’t you just forget about me? I don’t care if you just push me to the back of your mind because you’re too good for me. You’re so smart and brilliant that you wouldn’t even care about James Potter! I don’t know why I still like you when you’re so hard to please! You’re IMPOSSIBLE! So why don’t you just bloody leave me alone?”

I was shaking was he was done. I knew some of his words were absolutely true but…why was he saying all of that? Some barely made any sense! I felt so frustrated and confused at this that it made an all too familiar lump in my throat and a sting in the back of my eyes. I unsteadily collected all of my things and ran into my room. Everything I was holding dropped to the floor as collapsed onto my bed.

As I made her way down to the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning, I still felt awful. James had already left by the time I had gotten up that morning so I hadn't had a chance to apologize, not that I was sure that I would have been able to say anything to him face-to-face.

I had done my best to look unaffected and calm, but inside, I wanted to hide in my room all day and cry. When I made my way inside, I noticed a few Gryffindors stare at me curiously before I sat down next to Mary. Mary looked up at me with concern. "What's going on?"

I merely shrugged and forced my expression to appear nonchalant. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine."

Mary slowly shook her head. "No, it's not. James came into the Gryffindor common room early this morning and was looking mighty pissed off and worried about something. Even Sirius couldn't coax it of him. Now, he is just sitting with the Marauders in stony silence. I'm not the only Gryffindor who has noticed. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole school doesn't notice James being pissed off by the end of the day."

I glanced at where James and the Marauders were sitting and noticed his hardened expression right away. His butterscotch eyes were cold as ice and he wasn’t eating anything and was just staring at his plate. I felt rather awful and depressed again. "I don't really wanna talk about it."

Mary nodded, but still appeared concerned. "You know, you can always talk to me or Ames if you need to, right?"

I groaned. "I know. I just don't really know what to say just yet."

James and Sirius were already sitting in the back of the Transfiguration classroom. Remus and Peter had sat in front of them. Mary and I walked quickly over to the left where we usually sat. Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and began class, "Right, everyone. Today, we are going to try and do a bit of practical work. We are going to be using the 'mutatio' spell, which we had been going over in the last class. Now that we know the theory and have practiced changing our desks into small invertebrates, I now want you to be changing your desks into a mouse or another small vertebrate. This will be a bit more difficult so I will be helping. Go on then, off you go."

All of the students, save the Marauders, began attempting the spell straight off. I noticed Sirius, and even Remus, trying to persuade James to loosen up, but James was refusing all attempts and remained sitting sullenly. None of them even tried to attempt the spell.

I rolled my eyes, it was his own bloody fault that he was still feeling sour about last night. It wasn’t my problem anymore. Right? But he was correct, a small voice said in my head. I sighed. Why was my conscience always right?

I mentally shook myself and cast the spell; my desk turned into a slug with desk legs. I groaned. I hated Transfiguration. I was all right in the papers but the practical were murder. Mary was no better though. Her desk shrunk a bit, but for some reason, it just turned green. After what was probably about twenty minutes of practicing, everyone's attention was drawn to Professor McGonagall when she spoke next. "Mr. Potter."

Everyone turned to look because you would have to have been blind not to notice that James was highly pissed off, withdrawn from all people, and was not attempting the spell at all. James glanced up leisurely at his name, but maintained his stony disposition. "Yes, Professor?"

Professor McGonagall frowned. James was usually always on his game in her class. She knew he was exceptional at Transfiguration, but he had always given her the respect of participating, regardless if he thought the spell easy. To see him slack off was a bit unnerving. "Are you or are you not going to attempt this spell?"

James looked her over and considered her words. He slowly pulled out his wand. Then, he merely looked at his desk, and without saying a word, moved his wand in a particular way. His desk immediately became a giant black dog that began running around the room.

The Marauders all began to laugh, although no one knew why. Sirius was smiling, but he coughed into his hands— something that sounded like 'show off.' Professor McGonagall even looked a bit surprised and looked even more so when James coaxed the dog over to him, had the dog sit, and changed the dog back into his desk, again without a word. Everyone was wondering what she would do, but surprisingly, she simply sighed and patted him on his shoulder. "20 points to Gryffindor. Mr. Potter, please see me after class. The rest of you, please continue."

Everyone was positively mystified by what had just transpired. James was now staring moodily out the window, again doing nothing and not caring what people were saying. I knew he had just performed an amazing bit of Transfiguration, something we probably would not even get to until another four weeks or more of course work. Not only that— he had done it nonverbally.

After class, James waited patiently for every one of his classmates to leave before approaching Professor McGonagall. He was about to say something when Professor McGonagall cut him off with her hand, "No, it's nothing bad, Potter. I always knew you felt a little bored in my classes. Professor Dumbledore informed me near the start of the year that you had been studying his ancient books on Transfiguration over the summer and have become rather skilled in the subject. I think it would be best if I merely scheduled an extra hour sometime where you and I could go over more advanced Transfiguration. I would still like you to attend the regular classes, if anything to refresh your memory and to help me with the other students."

James nodded. "Could Sirius come to the extra lessons too? He and I both have mastered the seventh year text already."

If Professor McGonagall was surprised about this request, she didn't show it. "That would be fine if he would like to come." She surveyed him as he nodded absently. "Is everything all right, Potter? You seem a bit off color today."

James shook his head at her question. "I'll be fine, Professor. Thanks for the extra lessons." Then, he suddenly gave her a devilish smile. "You know, you could always ask Sirius to tutor some students. I'm sure he would love that."

Professor McGonagall gave him a small smile in return. "Thank you, Potter, but I'm sure the thought of Sirius doing any tutoring would scare many students rather than help them."

James nodded and chuckled while he left. Professor McGonagall was curious as to his behavior, but was somewhat relieved to see him smile a bit. Hopefully, whatever was wrong would smooth over eventually.

By the end of that day, everyone knew something must have happened between James and Lily, although no one knew exactly what. From that day on, they never spoke to each other. Not one word. James always wore a stony expression whenever he was around her while Lily began to look more and more depressed. Sirius and Remus had tried getting James to just talk with Lily about whatever had happened, as he had never really discussed what had occurred between them exactly.

Lily, similarly, was hearing from Mares and Amy, to do the same thing. Needless to say, to get away from the pressure of their friends, both had stayed at school while everyone else went to Hogsmeade that weekend.

James was really angry with himself for what he had said. James knew he said half of those things because he was worried about his parents. But he could tell Lily was taking everything he had said to heart or too personally and was being incredibly hard on herself. He highly suspected she wasn't eating right either. Every night, she holed herself up in her room. This made him feel incredibly guilty.

Without speaking or deciding, both of them had been doing their nightly patrols solo every other night, like James had suggested on the Hogwarts' Express. When Lily would go, James would watch the Marauders' Map, just to make sure she was alright by herself.

At first thought, other people might find this a bit stalker-like, but he didn't see it like that at all. The other students were rather harsh with her for whatever reason, and the Slytherins would probably love to catch her alone. Most of the time, she found herself out of harm's way.

Sometimes he noticed that when she was done with her patrol, she would go up to the astronomy tower and sit for a while before returning. That was what she was currently doing anyway. It was late, and she normally started heading back around this time. He watched the Map a bit concerned for a few minutes, but became pleased when she began to leave the astronomy tower finally. He was about to close the Map and go off to his room before she got back, when he noticed movement in the hallway at the base of the astronomy tower. It was Bella, and surprisingly, Malfoy.

“Oh, bloody hell. Bells… What are you doing?” James immediately pocketed the Map and grabbed his wand, hoping to head them off. He knew Lily could probably take care of herself, but not if she was caught by surprise.

James wandered quickly and cautiously over to the astronomy tower. Those two should not be out of bed; Malfoy wasn't even a prefect anymore. He just hoped he wouldn't be too late to stop whatever chaos they were planning on starting. It had already been a few minutes. When he turned the corner, he was horrified by what he saw.

Lily was on the ground, withering and apparently screaming, although no sound could be heard. It was hard to tear his eyes away from hers. The green met the golden and was begging him for help. It was painful to even be next to her.

James quickly kneeled down beside her, “Lily, it’s okay. I’m here.” He started to mutter the counter-curse that would rescue her but he suddenly heard a familiar, high-pitched laughter. A flash of red flew past James’ ear as he barely dodged it and spun around

He quickly saw Malfoy looking mighty happy with his wand out, and Bella was laughing behind him. James immediately sent two stunners out at them. Malfoy was hit dead on, but the second one barely missed Bella. Bella just turned and smiled cruelly at him, "Well, if it isn't James Potter, coming to save his little girlfriend, although he should know he could have so much more with me."

Lily was shaking like a leaf and slowly began to pull herself towards the wall. She looked madly around for her wand, but it lay a few feet away behind James, and she had no energy whatsoever to even move. James had no idea how long she had been held under the curse, but it looked long enough to cause her to be weak to the point of almost unconsciousness. She needed to get to the hospital wing. He kept his wand out on Bella and said, "Shut it, Bella. What the hell do you think you two are doing, using the Cruciatus curse in Hogwarts? Are you out of your mind?"

Bella just laughed, "Come on James, what's the big deal? You know you should just join our side. Who cares about the damn Muggleborns anyway? We could be great together, you know. The Dark Lord agrees because he knows I will take good care of you, and you'd be a powerful asset. Our parents thought we'd be great together too."

James' eyes narrowed on her, and he spat out, "I just bet you would love that, wouldn't you, Bella? In case you have forgotten, my parents were disgusted when your parents brought that ridiculous agreement for you to be betrothed over to our house when we were TEN YEARS OLD. We never want anything to do with you, minus Sirius. Besides, aren't you promised to that Lestrange git? What do you care about me for?" James glared at her one last time and returned to Lily.

Lily was still breathing funny and was really weak. Her eyes were loosing focus as Bella continued, "But James, my parents would like for it to still be you, and you know it. Plus, you're much better to look at than Lestrange."

James' face immediately turned in disgust. He felt like a piece of meat. "You’re ridiculously sick, Bella. I have no idea what you are trying to pull, but by your actions tonight, Dumbledore is not going to consider them lightly. Now, lower your wand, and we will walk calmly up to the Headmaster's Office to sort this out."

Bella just sneered. "You wish, Potter."

She sent a curse flying at him, which he was able to deflect with a shield charm. He noticed her enervate Malfoy, who sluggishly began to get up, but he was able to Petrify her while her back was turned. Malfoy sneered at him. "Welcome, Potter. I can't say I'm surprised."

James shot another spell at Malfoy, but he dodged it. Malfoy laughed and suddenly made a slashing movement with his wand, muttered under his breath, and sent purple flames at James. Lily watched James' eyes widen in disbelief as he physically dodged the curse by running into the wall. He turned and looked back over at Malfoy, still looking rather stunned. "That's incredibly dark magic, Malfoy. What the hell do you think you are playing at?"

Lily was alarmed at how horrified James looked and not to mention, scared. She had no idea what curse he had fired, but it must be awful for James to be worried. Malfoy just snickered. "Can't handle it, Potter? How about your little girlfriend then?"

James' eyes widened. Lily was incredibly weak and probably wouldn't be able to take it. "No."

Malfoy began the curse and pointed his wand at Lily. Without thinking, James jumped in front of her and took the curse instead. He immediately crumpled to the ground unconscious. Lily was horrified.

James was growing horribly pale and she could hear his breathes being sucked roughly down his lungs like it pained him to breath. His face was contorted in pain and he was trembling despite that he was unconscious. 

She knew she had to do something quick, despite her being weak. She grabbed James' discarded wand, which had fallen at her feet and pointed it at Malfoy, who was now approaching her. She petrified him easily because she had caught him off guard. She pointed the wand at herself and removed the silencing charm. "James! James, can you hear me?"

As she rolled him over, she noticed he was already growing rather motionless and cold. This was bad. She had no idea what the curse did, but she needed to get help right away. Finding strength somewhere deep inside of herself, she pulled herself up to her feet and staggered along the wall. She headed straight to Dumbledore's office, which was a bit further away than she had thought, or maybe it felt that way because she was so weak and tired.

Eventually, she reached the gargoyles. She knew she must be extremely pale because the light-headed feeling clouding her head was beginning to get worse. She had to be close to fainting. "Lemon Drops."

The gargoyles sprang apart. Lily made her way as quickly as possible up the stairs. She banged on Dumbledore's door, calling for him, saying it was an emergency. She was leaning against the wall by the door, breathing erratically, when Dumbledore opened. His eyes immediately widened, and he appeared deeply concerned when he saw her in such a state. "What is it, Ms. Evans? What's wrong?"

Lily closed her eyes briefly and tried to calm down. She wasn't even sure she could make a complete sentence. "Lucius and Bellatrix. Cruciatus. James tried to help. Lucius sent a dark curse; it looked like purple flames. James took it. He's hurt badly."

Dumbledore's eyes hardened at every word she was able to say. He immediately began to move, pulling her along carefully. "Where?"

Lily struggled to keep up. "Astronomy tower. Lucius and Bellatrix are petrified, I think."

Dumbledore nodded. "Fawkes!"

Fawkes landed on Dumbledore's shoulder as they walked quickly onto the now dismal looking scene. Dumbledore immediately crouched down to survey James. Lily leaned against the closest wall for support when they stopped. Dumbledore's eyes widened a bit with deep concern. "Fawkes, please take James to the hospital wing immediately and come back for Lily."

Fawkes gave a trill and landed on James' chest before they both disappeared. Dumbledore turned to Lily. "You were hit with the Cruciatus? How long?"

Lily was dizzy from all the activity and was leaning heavily on the wall. "I don't know, but I don't feel so good."

Dumbledore nodded as Fawkes returned. Fawkes offered his tail to Lily. "Touch his feathers, Lily. Please inform Madam Pomfrey that James was hit with the Attero curse and about your own condition. I will talk with you more about what happened in the morning once you've had some rest. I will take care of these two students."

Lily was suddenly in the hospital wing. She had felt no sensation. She didn't even have time to admire the beautiful bird before he disappeared once again. She noticed Madam Pomfrey waving her wand wildly over James, who was lying unconscious in one of the beds, trying to figure out what was wrong. Lily's vision was swimming, and she felt weak on her feet. "Madam Pomfrey? Dumbledore told me to tell you that James had been hit with the Attero curse. I was hit with the Cruciatus. Is it alright if I lie down?"

Madam Pomfrey suddenly looked horrified at her. "WHAT? Lie down, child. Try and stay conscious til I have a look at you."

She immediately ran to the back of the hospital wing up to a tall, dark cabinet Lily had never seen her use before. She pulled out what looked to be about fifteen vials of potion and wheeled them over to James. She began administering them all immediately. "Unbelievable. Who would dare use such a horrible curse?"

Lily was surprised at the amount of potions being used to help James. After a few minutes, Madam Pomfrey brought two potions over to her. "Here you go, dear. The first will make you feel better while the second is for dreamless sleep. You need rest above all else."

Lily nodded and took the first potion. "Is James going to be ok?"

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "He's a fighter, that one. He'll be fine. He'll be unconscious for a few days and will have to take about ten potions a day for about a week, but he'll come out of it ok."

Lily took the dreamless sleep potion. It was a matter of seconds before she closed her eyes and was able to drift away from all the commotion of the evening

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but white. That's when everything came back to me. The Cruciatus curse. James. The hospital wing. I sat up abruptly, the blood rushing to my head. A gentle voice sounded near by, "Ahh, Miss Evans. You're awake." I recognized it as Professor Dumbledore.

I looked over and saw him sitting near James, who was still unconscious. Dumbledore looked as if he had been there for a while. "Good morning, sir."

Dumbledore sighed. "Well, not completely good anyway. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Alright, I suppose. Much better than last night."

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, I would hope so. I was hoping you could tell me exactly what occurred last night. Both Ms. Black and Mr. Malfoy were rather uncooperative, although between you and me, they gave me a rough idea within their minds. Both of them will be spending the rest of the year in detentions each week. Ms. Black has also been removed from prefect duty and has been replaced by Ms. Delmont."

I told him the story, about how I had been ambushed by the two of them, how James had come out of nowhere and stopped it, and how James had taken the curse instead of me.

When Dumbledore saw me glance sorrowfully over at James, he spoke, "James will be alright, my dear. He did it because he knew you would probably not have been able to handle it after being weakened by the Cruciatus curse. It is an awful curse. He is a Gryffindor through and through."

I nodded, still a bit stunned that even after everything that had happened between them and with him being so angry with me, he would jump willing in front of a curse just to save me. If anything, I felt even worse about myself now than before. "I surmised as much."

Madam Pomfrey chose that time to come on over. "Well, child. I think you are going to be just fine. I have one more potion for you, and then you can be on your way. It is about an hour ‘til lunch."

I gulped down the potion. It was the same one I had been given the night before. Dumbledore gave her a small smile. "I believe the Marauders will wonder where James is. If you can let them know during lunch, it would be most appreciated."

"Yes, Sir."

I made my way to the Heads' Dorm where I showered and changed. When I made my way into the Great Hall, people were chattering incessantly. I hadn't walked two feet before I found Sirius standing in front of me, looking concerned. "Where is he? Did something else happen? Why were you both missing?"

I sighed. "He's in the hospital wing, Black."

Sirius' eyes narrowed at me. "What did you do to him?"

I held up my hands, palms facing Sirius. "It wasn't me. Well, not really. Umm, I ran into some trouble last night, and he stepped in."

Black was eyeing me. He knew I wasn't telling him everything. "Who did it?"

I glanced over at the Slytherin table quickly, noticing two particularly cruel smiles. I also was wary of Sirius' widely known temper. "I don't think I should tell you…at least here."

"It was my absolutely lovely cousin, wasn't it? And one of her cronies?" Sirius snarled with contempt.

I merely nodded, unsure of how to handle Sirius' anger. I almost sighed with relief when Remus walked up to us. "What's going on, Sirius?"

Sirius' eyes were still blazing. "Come on, Moony. Grab Wormtail. We have to leave."

I watched the three boys leave before immediately sitting down next to Mary and Ames. Mary looked over at me. "Are you alright? Sirius looked rather pissed off. Is this about Potter again?"

I sighed and grabbed some food. "Something like that. He's in the hospital wing."

Amy's eyes widened. "Slytherins?"

I nodded. "Can't you tell? They're all gloating over there."

Mary glanced over at the Slytherin table where most were sitting and looking a bit happier than usual. "Ugh. What a mess. We have them in Care of Magical Creatures this afternoon. They are going to be so annoying."

I couldn't agree more.

It had been two days since the hallway disaster. James had yet to wake up. Out of curiosity and concern, I went to the library to research on the Attero curse. It was pretty much the worst spell I had ever heard. The curse, upon contact, did three horrible things: crushed the ribcage, collapsed the lungs, and began burning your internal organs. Not only that, but a standard shield charm wouldn't block it. If James hadn’t taken the curse, I surely would have died.

I had gone to see him a few times, not only because of guilt, but to make sure he was doing alright. In fact, that was where I was heading now. When I rounded the corner, I was relieved to see him finally awake and talking quietly with Madam Pomfrey.

I gently knocked on the door to announce my presence. They both turned to me. Madam Pomfrey patted his arm and walked off into her office. I approached him awkwardly and sat on the empty bed across from him. "So…you're awake. How are you feeling?"

James sighed and immediately put a hand to his chest when the effort from that simple act seemed to hurt him. "I'll be alright. A little chest pain never hurt anybody."

He seemed a little distant from me, but I had expected that. I had no idea what to really say so I kind of blurted out the first thing that popped into my head, "You shouldn't have done this."

James' head rolled across his pillow towards her, and I saw his face frown as he focused on me. "If you're every bit the girl I know you are, you already researched the curse that was used and know what could've happened to you if you had taken the curse." He looked away from me then. "Besides, even if you weren't like that, I probably still would have done it. I wouldn't want you to have to go through this."

I was surprised and slightly touched by his words. We were both silent for a bit, but at least, it didn't feel as awkward. I sighed. "I'm sorry about before."

James nodded, but lifted his hand waving off my apology. "You shouldn't be sorry. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. It was my fault."

I shook my head, knowing I had deserved some of what he had said. "Let's just forget about it then."

"I'm sorry about what you heard from Bella too. She can be such a bloody bitch."

I laughed a bit and nodded, but my curiosity got the best of me so I had to ask, "Was what she saying really true?"

James continued to look away from me. "Unfortunately, yes."

I blinked. "Her family really did that?"

James nodded and randomly met my eyes again, his expression indicating a need to explain something that I probably didn't understand. "It was different when we were younger, you know, before she got caught up with all those pureblood ideals from her crazy family. At charity dinners and the like, all of the pureblood children, all of us included, were placed in a room together while our parents did this or that, and believe it or not, we all got along. It wasn't until it was almost time for us all to go to Hogwarts that you could begin to see the difference between, well, people like my family and people like the Blacks. It's amazing that I can actually remember Bella, Cissa, Sirius, and I all laughing together, and then be forced to look at who they've become now."

I was about to comment when there was a tapping on the window. I looked up and saw a majestic tawny owl hovering outside the closest window with a letter in his beak.

“Hey, Chester,” James smiled weakly. “Lily, could you…?”

I nodded and opened the window. Chester hooted at James as I took the letter. It had a Ministry seal on it and was addressed to ‘the son of Aurors Harold and Judy Potter.’

“Um, it’s for you,” I handed the letter to James. As he spotted the Ministry’s seal on it, his face paled.

“Right, thanks,” he choked and he kept turning the letter over and over in his hands. I got the feeling that I shouldn’t be around when he opened the letter.

“I’m going now, James. Get well soon,” I said awkwardly as I backed towards the door. James didn’t even seem to hear me as his eyes were still glued to the letter.

James Potter,

For standard protocol, we have gone through Mr. Harold Potter’s papers in his desk and we have found safety precautions for the Potter fortune and the Potter Manor. With your permission, we will set up all necessary defenses around the Potter Manor and we will change two vaults at Gringotts to your name for precautions. Attached is a copy of the instructions from your father for your reference.  

As for your parents, they’re been missing in action for too long. The full force of the department has come back with nothing. There is nothing to do but wait.

Best of luck,

Alastor Moody

This was all happening too quickly. I knew I’d inherit the Potter fortune someday, Dad had taught me how to handle the money ever since I knew how to count to a hundred so I knew how to take care of the property and stuff but I had expected him to be around for a bit longer. My life was, as Sirius would put it, in desperate of a daily dose of Felix Felicis.  

And according to fate, waiting meant three days. Three, long, boring days. I was still stuck in the hospital, and I was getting annoyed with being there. "Please, Madam Pomfrey? I can come down here every morning and take these— wait, how many were there? Ten potions?"

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips. "James Potter, you will do nothing of the sort! You are going to stay here for at least one more day. Your ribs still aren't fully healed yet. I do not want you traipsing around the castle doing Merlin knows what with your friends or playing a rough game of Quidditch and getting yourself stuck back in here again. If you decide to pull one of your little stunts and sneak off, I will contact Professor Dumbledore."

I groaned, but winced and placed a hand on my chest. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to stay after all. I conceded, "Fine, but one more day. That's it. I can't take it anymore."

Madam Pomfrey just bristled at me and left as Sirius walked through the door. "Hey, mate. So Poppy’s not allowing you to bust out, huh?"

I shook my head, looking bored. "At least one more day, Padfoot. Where are the rest of the guys?"

Sirius shrugged. "Wormtail is always running off to who knows where, as you know. Moony is studying like a good little prefect."

I sighed. "You know studying really isn't all that bad, depending on the topic. Are you going to go to Professor McGonagall's extra lessons with me after I bust out of here?"

Sirius shrugged. "Probably. Besides, it gives me extra time to be with Minnie, my favorite Professor."

I snorted sarcastically. "I thought you had a crush on the Muggle Studies Professor?"

Sirius considered this. “Well, she is a rather pretty little bird, isn't she?”

I smiled cockily. "I wouldn't know. I'm partial to redheads."

Sirius just grinned at me. " Has Lily come around yet?"

I shook my head, frowning and looked away. "I know I haven't told you everything. Just know we have a few things to sort out still, you know, from before."

Sirius nodded, not really caring that I wasn't telling him everything. I always filled him in when I was ready to share. Sirius never needed to force me. "Whatever, mate."

"So, what is going to be the next prank?"

Sirius' eyes lit up. "Well, with you gone, we had to postpone the few we had been discussing. It has been a rather quiet week for the Marauders. We wanted to do the one with the Slytherins all singing and dancing madly for Halloween. We could do the one where we suddenly vanish all of the Slytherins' undergarments while we are in one of the classes, once you're back of course."

I snickered. "That would be absolutely disastrous.”

"What will?"

Both Sirius and I turned to see Lily standing in the doorway, carrying some books. Sirius didn't miss a beat, "Uhh, the Gryffindor Quidditch game if James can't play."

Lily looked at us oddly. "You do know that James will be alright and the game is about a month away still?"

I jutted in, "Sirius is just worried about my ribs and all."

Lily looked at us suspiciously, but couldn't seem to find any fault in what we were saying. "Right. Well, James, I brought you some of your schoolbooks, and that Transfiguration book you've been reading. Professor McGonagall told me to make sure you weren't slacking while you were sitting in here doing nothing."

Sirius groaned. "Minnie. Always a mood killer."

I snorted at Sirius. "Stop it, Padfoot. One of these days, she is going to get you back for continuously calling her Minnie."

Sirius just grinned his arrogant grin back at me. "You know she gets a kick out of it. Makes her feel younger."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Honestly, you two. For some reason, McGonagall likes you both. Why do you give her such a hard time?"

Sirius laughed. "Because it's the Marauders' duty, Lily."

Lily rolled her eyes and was about to add something when Professor Dumbledore strode in urgently. I could sense something was wrong- the usual twinkle in his eyes weren’t there and when he looked at me, he had a frown on his face. "Sorry to interrupt, Ms. Evans. May I speak privately with both Mr. Black and Mr. Potter?"

Lily looked startled at the request but said, "That's fine, Sir. I was just dropping off some stuff. I can go."

Sirius and I glanced expectantly at Professor Dumbledore but to our surprise, he kept quiet until Lily was out of earshot. I could already feel a cold sense of dread settle over me.

While I was walking out of the hospital wing, I pondered about why Dumbledore was acting so strangely. Out of curiosity, I glanced over my shoulder. What I saw stopped my heart.

Whatever Dumbledore was speaking about caused James to pale considerably and look absolutely stunned. I could see tears start to fall from his eyes, seemingly acting on their own accord. He buried his head in his hands and his shoulders started to shake.

Although Sirius' back was to me, I saw him stumble and lean against the empty hospital bed behind him, equally shocked. I furrowed my brow. What could possibly have made the three of them so surprised?

I arrived at the Great Hall for dinner, still mulling about what Dumbledore had said to them. I was shaken out of my thoughts when Remus Lupin came up to me and asked frantically, “Lily, have you seen James or Sirius anywhere?”

I looked back at him oddly. "They're both in the hospital wing."

Remus turned around to go find them, but I stopped him, "Remus, Dumbledore was in there with them and, well, whatever he was saying was not good news."

Remus nodded sadly at my words. "Thanks, Lily. I have to go though."

I watched him leave before heading over to Mary. "Hey, you want to go study in the Gryffindor common room with me?"

Mary looked up. "Nah. Maybe later. It's Saturday, and it's bound to be packed right now. People tend to go up to their rooms early though. We can go back there in a little while. Dinner’s clearing up soon and we’ll have space to study."

The next morning, I didn't have to wait very long for me to find out exactly what happened yesterday. As soon as I walked into the Great Hall, I noticed that everyone was talking in hushed whispers and fawning over The Daily Prophet. Curious, I sat down in front of Amy and Mares. They didn't say one word, but instead shoved the paper in front of her. I gasped at the main story.

POTTER TRAGEDY

Yesterday in the early morning, Mr. Harold James Potter and Mrs. Judith Anne Potter were murdered in the line of duty as Aurors with the Ministry. The Ministry were tight-lipped about the details of the mission but confirmed it was to do with Lord- well, You-Know-Who.

The Dark Mark had been fired off just before re-enforcements had arrived. By the time the help made their way inside the abandoned building, both Mr. and Mrs. Potter had been killed with the Avada Kadavra Curse and any possible culprits had vanished. The Ministry has not given any further information about the case except that the two Aurors had gone silent about two weeks ago and had not received any information about the pair until their deaths.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter leave behind their only child, 17 year old, James Harold Potter, currently Head Boy at Hogwarts School.

Services have been scheduled for tomorrow.

I looked over at Ames and Mares horrified. "No." I also noticed the line: ‘the two Aurors had gone silent about two weeks ago and had not received any information about the pair until their deaths.’ I counted back the days and I realized it was around the time when James had took his anger out on me. I understood now that he was only worried about his parents.

Amy merely nodded sadly. "I knew something bad must have happened, what with the way the Marauders were acting and all, but this is just horrible."

I glanced around. "Why is everyone gossiping about this? Shouldn't they want to leave James alone? I would want the same courtesy if something like this had happened to me."

Mary sighed. "The Marauders haven’t come to breakfast yet, probably to avoid all of this commotion. The reason everyone is so on edge about it is because this Lord whatever guy has usually only attacked Muggles and Muggleborns this far. He just killed two members of a very powerful pureblood family. Look over at the Slytherins. Even they are surprised; well, some of them anyway."

I glanced over at the Slytherins. Most looked rather subdued while a select few, like the Blacks and Malfoy, seemed to look as if Christmas had come early although they were playing it off by looking concerned. "What's going to happen? I still don't understand all the fuss. So this Lord guy is now murdering anyone."

Mary sighed. "I know you're not familiar with all the pureblood stuff, but now James is going to have to have the whole pure-blood funeral arrangements and such. Whenever a pureblood of a powerful or renowned pureblood family dies, the funerals are very elaborate and all pureblood families are required to attend. This isn't some written rule; I just think it's how things are done."

I thought about what she said for a minute, "Does that mean that even the Blacks, Malfoys, Lestranges…all have to attend?"

Mary nodded solemnly. "Correct. Now, you see why this is so monumental. The Potters were widely known as blood traitors too. I actually feel bad for Potter for both this pureblood crap and for just losing his parents."

I nodded to myself quietly. I began to eat slowly, but was surprised when the Great Hall diminished into silence. When I looked up to figure out the reason, I saw that the Marauders had walked into the Great Hall. He didn't stop, didn't look at anybody, sat down at the table and started to eat breakfast. The rest of the Marauders took their seats around him.

The Great Hall went back to their hushed whispering. I frowned at the way people were acting. I knew the group had waited until most people had left the Great Hall before coming in themselves, as breakfast was almost over. It was sad knowing that they wouldn't be able to get any privacy over the matter.

Just then, the unthinkable happened. A large group of Slytherins got up and walked over to Potter, led by Bellatrix Black. I was going to get up and say something to them, but Amy grabbed her hand and shook her head with a look that said 'don't even think about it.'

Upon seeing the group come over, James and Sirius immediately stood up. James waved his wand, and when Bellatrix began to speak, no one could hear what was being said. As Bellatrix continued, Sirius began to look absolutely murderous, but remained quiet. James' expression gave away nothing, but when he responded, it looked somewhat forced. Bellatrix and the rest of the clan nodded and walked away. Sirius and James waited for them all to leave before sitting down again.

I was horrendously confused. "What in the bloody hell was that?"

Mary sighed. "Probably information regarding the services. I told you they all would be going."

I sighed and felt horrible for James. I had no idea how he was putting up with all of this pureblood drama.

I patrolled by myself that night. I assumed James would not be up to it, not to mention that I hadn't seen him in the Heads' Dorm all day. The halls were pretty quiet anyway, what with everyone so concerned about the Potters. I had just finished and was heading slowly back to the Heads' Dorm when I found Professor Dumbledore waiting in front of the sphinx. "Ahh, Ms. Evans…just who I was looking for."

I frowned. "You were looking for me, Sir?"

Dumbledore sighed, "Yes, Lily. I wanted to inform you that I would not be in the castle tomorrow or the next day. You will be acting alone as the Head Girl, seeing as James will be away as well. If there are any problems, please report to Professor McGonagall."

I nodded. I figured out James would have to leave for the services soon. "Yes, Sir."

Dumbledore nodded and left me alone.

I entered the dorm and leaned back on the couch, where I had left a number of books open. I had done all of her homework for the coming week, but I had found a couple of library books on useful charms that I wanted to research more on.

Everything was quiet until I heard the sphinx step aside once more, and I saw James enter the common room.

“Hey,” I said quietly. “You alright?”

James looked over at me briefly- I could see the sadness still fresh in his hazel eyes. "Yeah. What was worse was getting their letters. When you enter work as an Auror, you write these goodbye letters that the Ministry keeps in case something happens. That was horrible to read." His voice was dry and lifeless now. It made me feel uncomfortable. Something bad happened to James and I hated the way it changed him.

I thought he looked so sad that I wanted to hug him to take the pain away, but knew that would not be appropriate, seeing as we were barely friends to begin with.

I nodded and began to collect my stuff, “I’ll do patrols on my own tonight. You’d better start packing, James.”

 James interrupted, "Wait, I want you to have something for the next two days, while I'm gone."

I looked over at him curiously when he pulled out an old looking bit of parchment. "Uhh, what is it?"

James just chuckled and rotated the parchment in his hands. "Now, don't tell anyone or turn this in or the Marauders will have my head."

I eyed him suspiciously. It was just a folded piece of parchment for goodness sake. "Fine, I promise."

James nodded, took out his wand, touched it to the parchment, and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

A tiny drop of ink suddenly appeared on the yellowish bit of parchment. It enlarged and grew into a map. I looked at down at it in surprise. "The Marauders' Map? A Map of what?"

James opened the parchment and I widened my eyes. "Merlin! That's- that's Hogwarts! Wait, there's Dumbledore in his office!"

James chuckled as he pointed on the map, "And Amy and Mary in the Gryffindor common room. And anyone else you want to find."

I smirked. "This is how you get away with everything, isn't it?"

James shook his head. "Not really, but I suppose it helps delay the inevitable. I'm letting you borrow it so you don't find yourself in harm's way when you do patrol by yourself when I'm gone. Most of the worst Slytherins will be away, but at least the ones that remain won't be able to do anything to you if you have this. You'll be able to see them coming before they reach you."

I looked over at him; there was something about his tone when he said all that, and there was the fact that he was trying not to look at me. What he was saying was really sweet.

"Umm, thanks."

James shrugged. "Oh, and when you're done, just tap it once more and say 'mischief managed' to hide the Map."

I watched as he did just that, and then handed me the parchment. I took it with all of my other things. "Goodnight, James. See you when you get back." I glanced at him again. Up close, I could see bags under his hollow eyes. Even his hair seemed to droop. I was quite worried about him now. He, for the first time in my life, looked terrible.

“Uhh, James? Are you alright?” I asked.

James froze and he gave me a hard stare, “Um…yes?” I arched my eyebrow; he was FAR from all right. Even for a person who just recently lost his parents.

I swallowed, “Um…yes?” How in Merlin’s pants did Lily know about- Nah, she couldn’t have. She couldn’t have known I went to the Astronomy Tower to- SHUT UP, James Potter. You are NOT allowed to even THINK of what you did. Now just act NORMALLY. NO ONE MUST KNOW. My goodness, I really do sound like Mum.

“Why d’you ask?” My right hand immediately shot to my left forearm and Lily eyed my arms curiously. Oh, shit. Can she guess?

 “Then why are you wearing long sleeves in October? You still wear short-sleeves during Christmas,” her eyes watched my closely. I sighed in relief, “Oh, I just forgot to put my summer uniform in the dirty hamper,” I lied smoothly. It wasn’t exactly a lie. Without Remus or Peter around, it was hard to keep track of my clothes sometimes.

“Okay then,” Lily turned around and disappeared into her room.

It was strange to not see James at the table the next morning at breakfast. And even more strange to see Remus and Peter in class.

"Remus, Peter, wouldn't you two be going to the funeral today?" I asked in Herbology.

Remus looked up in surprise when Amy and I sat across from them, but frowned at my question. "James told us we wouldn't be welcome. I'm a half-blood. So is Peter. We were both with him all day yesterday so it's alright."

I watched Peter simply nod at Remus' words, but my mouth dropped open. "So you're saying that regardless of who the Potters know or associate with, the only people welcome at their funerals are those that have pure-blood? Not even if you would be there merely to support James?"

Remus, Peter, and Amy all looked at one another and shrugged. Remus responded, "Pretty much."

I shook my head. "That's ridiculous."

Amy sighed. "Lily, you know James wouldn't have it this way if he could. I bet it will be different when our generation is the adults of our society. It's already sort of a dying tradition. The Potters were just very prominent within the Ministry, making it more of an obligation."

Remus nodded. "She's right."

That was basically all I could get out of them before class started. Class that day was boring. They had to work in pairs and go find particularly helpful potion ingredients in the garden and just outside of the Forbidden Forest. It seemed to be a pointless exercise. The rest of the day was no better. That afternoon, I had Transfiguration and Ancient Runes. Both were also boring, although I was sure that I took excellent notes.

In Transfiguration, I felt completely lost. I was thinking I might just have enough courage to let go of my pride and ask James for some help. Ancient Runes was just extensive translating now that I was in seventh year, which was not exactly as interesting as it had been in previous years when the Professor included amazing stories of history into my lessons.

After dinner, I was going to read one of her library books on old charms in my dorm, when I noticed the Marauders' Map sitting amongst my stuff. I grabbed it curiously and spread it out in front of me. I gently tapped my wand on it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

The Map instantly came into view. I was astounded at the magic used to create the Map, although it was created for mischief and mayhem. I was sure James and Sirius was behind the creation. While Remus was very intelligent, he was a more ‘book intelligent’ than ‘creative intelligent’, so if anything, he probably had a hand in finding the spells that were used for the project, but that was it. Peter, on the other hand, just didn't have the magical caliber to create something like this on his own.

I flipped through it carefully and eventually, I had looked everywhere. There were a ton of secret passageways within the castle that I had never known about. There were a select few secret passageways leading out of the castle as well, probably into Hogsmeade.

However, there was something missing. I hadn't seen Remus or Peter on the Map anywhere. From what James told me, the Map showed everyone. I tapped my wand on the map, "I demand that you show me the location of the Marauders."

Nothing happened. Maybe it required more personal verification. "I, Lily Evans, demand that you show me the location of the Marauders."

Suddenly, the Map cleared and writing appeared in its place.

Mr. Prongs would like to congratulate the beautiful Ms. Evans for noticing the Map's defect when in the hands of a non-Marauder. Mr. Prongs knows that if anyone would have discovered it, Ms. Evans would. Mr. Prongs would also like to add that if Ms. Evans is in possession of the Map, it is most likely because Mr. Prongs had wanted her to feel safe and it was not intended for her to use to check up on the Marauders.

Mr. Padfoot would just like to say that Mr. Prongs is completely wrapped around Ms. Evans' finger, and they are not even dating yet.

Mr. Prongs would like to take this opportunity to call Mr. Padfoot a womanizing prat and a git.

Mr. Moony agrees with Mr. Prongs' first sentiments and would like to apologize to Ms. Evans for the stupidity of his friends and say that the Marauders are not always up to trouble so Ms. Evans shouldn't worry.

Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Moony and bids Ms. Evans a good day.

I couldn't help smiling at the commentary and how they must have poured their personality into the Map. The Marauders really didn't seem so bad after all.

I eventually used the Map during my night patrols that night and the next. I could tell usually halfway through her patrol that everyone was in their dorms where they were supposed to be. I continued my nightly walks anyway, just in case Professor McGonagall came out to check on me.

The one thing that seemed out of place was the fact that Professor Dumbledore, although he had told me that he wouldn't be in the castle at all for the two days, was in his office, at least while I was doing her patrols. I assumed he just hadn't wanted to be bothered if anything were to come up.

Most of the students who attended the funeral returned sometime on Tuesday and slowly filtered back to classes. James and Sirius returned late Tuesday night. I heard him enter the Heads’ Dorm right before I fell asleep. I sighed and turned over onto the other side of the bed. I had a strong impulse to just open up to him and give him the answer he deserved.

I really still liked him. Honest! But I was too scared to tell him. Okay, I knew he admitted it and it was pretty obvious last year but I mean you can’t just walk up to him and say, ‘Hey, James. I really like you as well so let’s go out, yeah?’ Oh wait, that’s what James would usually do. Not me. 

And for some reason, I’m desperately wishing he’d do it again.

It had been two weeks— two incredibly long, tortuous weeks of watching James, trying to pluck up courage to confess.

I watched him doodle in class rather than take notes. Then I noticed that he was…constantly depressed now. He had been really quiet for the past two weeks, and saw that he only seemed to smile occasionally— and even then, only when he was with the Marauders. The Marauders even played a few pranks, but James didn't look like he was enjoying it like he used to.

I also discovered that if James Potter had been a female target before, it was nothing compared to what he had become now. Almost all of the girls in the school were talking about the now serious, withdrawn, and mysterious James Potter.

Well, I had heard a lot of girls debating about it in the bathroom, discussing ‘strategies’ to hunt down James and it was obvious to assume others were as well.

James, as usual, took no notice of this. I remembered back in fourth and fifth year, he had seemed to like the attention and encouraged it, but after he had started asking me out on a more serious scale (everyday, multiple times a day) late in fifth year, he seemed to care less and less about other girls' attentions.

We started to do our late night patrols again, my nerves kicked in and I just kept babbling about random stuff. I couldn't seem to hold a normal conversation with him anymore. I even started to fidget a lot and play with my hair more around him. If he noticed this, he never let on. He let me ramble all I wanted and would answer me if I ever asked him a question, but mostly he just listened attentively.

It was interesting to other people to see them getting along. I assumed that we were considered friends, but that wasn't what I wanted anymore. I wanted to just tell him I liked him but…I just couldn’t find a suitable way to open the conversation. I really doubted if the Sorting Hat made a right decision on putting me in Gryffindor, the House of the Brave, when I didn’t have enough guts to speak the three words that were constantly on my mind when I saw James Potter.

To top it all off, James’ strange habits were really confusing me now. After the late night patrols, he would just disappear and come back to the dorm in the early morning. Doesn’t the boy sleep anymore? And each morning, he looked exhausted and gaunt, with bags underneath his eyes. He barely eats anymore so the amount of rolls at breakfast has majorly increased for the other Gryffindors. Really, the Head Boy looks more like an Inferi these days.

“Lily, can I have a word?” I looked up from my homework and saw Remus and Sirius walk over to me in the library. Wow, Sirius Black actually knows where the library is. Let’s see if he has an allergic reaction to the books.

I shrugged, “Sure. What’s up?”

“Nothing’s up,” muttered Sirius as he slid into the chair next to me. I could tell that he was worried about something from his scrunched up mouth. I raised my eyebrows. Sirius Black is worried? Someone go alert the media.

“It’s about James,” Remus sighed, taking his seat opposite me.

“Again!” Sirius groaned. “The bloke’s moodier than McGonagall during menopause.”

“So I’ve heard,” I mumbled, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

“We think it’s because of his mum and dad,” Remus said.

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Remmy, any idiot can tell. Prongs doesn’t eat or sleep. Much less plot pranks anymore.”

“But we think it’s a whole different matter,” Remus continued.

“So you’re saying that James is depressed not just because of his parents?” I frowned.

“Pretty much,” Sirius replied. “Prongs has really broke his record of lowest number of rolls eaten a breakfast, which is none, I tell you. I mean, how can a normal dude go a whole morning without cinnamon rolls? They’re God’s gift to mankind! Not to mention midnight snacks! The James I know can’t sleep without his vanilla ice cream! Extra toppings, mind you.”

I smirked at him, “What toppings?”

“Hazelnuts and if he’s feeling stressed, chocolate syrup,” Sirius grinned.

“Pads, don’t get off topic,” Remus rolled his eyes. “Our point is: can you just talk to him for a bit, Lily?”

I opened my mouth to comment but Sirius stopped me, “Because James will probably think we’re going mental if we start going Dr. Phil mode on him. And he’ll probably brush it off and avoid us for another five hours.” He made five hours sound like three weeks.

“And you’re probably the only person that can affect James so emotionally,” Remus finished.

“Thanks for the compliment,” I sniffed. “As much as I want to talk to him…he’s closed down, you know? He’s just so bloody depressed that I don’t want to go near him sometimes.”

“Please Lily,” Remus insisted. I could hear the desperation behind his voice. “James has been hit really bad, much more worse than last year. I’m so worried about him. Please Lily, you’re probably the only living person on the planet who can do this.”

I sighed, “When?”

“As soon as possible, please. I need my mastermind for a prank. We haven’t pulled a big one for a month!” Sirius said dramatically. “We need his gigantic prankster brain sometimes.”

“Fine,” I huffed. “Where is he now?”

“Astronomy Tower,” the boys said at once.

“James usually goes there when he’s troubled,” Remus explained quickly.

I nodded grudgingly, wondering if I had just signed myself a death contract by finding James tonight, “I’ll go there after patrols.”

“And, Lily?” Remus continued. “James’…emotionally complex. Sometimes I have to wonder if he doesn’t feel twice as strongly as other people. Whatever you say to him might trigger something else entirely, which you couldn’t have known about. So don’t be worried if James starts to act strangely when you talk to him.”

I stared oddly at Remus for a while, mulling over his words. He was sort of correct. I mean, he only took out his anger on me once because he just found out his parents had gone silent. “Right. I’ll remember that.”

I watched my shadow fall on the wooden floor of the Tower. I saw it often up here. I had been coming here for the past few weeks. Tall, thin, and clothed in black robes. I felt like I was attending a funeral. This thought brought me back to Mum and Dad and another trickle of tears slid down my cheek.

I groaned and sat at the edge of the Astronomy Tower, my long legs dangling down into the darkness. I had half a mind to lurch forward and give myself a gentle little push. It was so easy. I took off my glasses and the moon became a sliver blur.

There, I said to myself. You can’t see what’s down there, now just PUSH. Go on, James. I mean, who’d miss you? Padfoot’s probably in some broom closet shagging a random Hufflepuff (maybe not even caring if the person was a guy or girl) or planning the next big prank. Moony’s probably in the library or in the common room studying and reading like a good boy. And Wormtail? Well, who knows what he’s doing... Stuffing his face out in the kitchens, perhaps. None of them is probably thinking about me.

And I don’t blame them.

A gasp of despair escaped me, and I could feel my breathing increase so rapidly that I could barely exhale. Mum, Dad… I love you. I’m going to see you soon. Tonight, if I’m lucky. I miss you so much. Why did you go? Mum, you promised that you’d be at graduation! Dad, you said that you’d teach me more advanced Defense magic and Transfiguration! I wanted you to see me off for my first day of work. I wanted you to be there when I get my first promotion. I wanted to take you all on vacation. I wanted you to see me get married and raise a family. Please.

Get married. Have a family. I think of Mum and Dad again. I shake my head. It’s all over- my family’s broken. It’s only me in the world and no one’s there. I think of Lily. The woman of my dreams hates me again. Just like I knew she would. My worst fears were confirmed.  

Lily’s probably asleep by now or maybe studying for an upcoming quiz. She’s going to ace her N.E.W.T.S., get a brilliant job at the Ministry and have a perfect family. I’ll just be some worthless, random guy in her teenage years. When she hits thirty, she probably won’t remember a stupid, foolish young man who chased so desperately after her. The arrogant, pig-headed prat and a complete arsehole. She’d never know that I got my own heart broken for five years straight because of her.

No one really knows how I feel when she turned me down every time. Do you think I liked being rejected by her? It was the only way I could get to talk to her and for her to actually talk back to me. It’s like building a tower, painting a picture. Every time she says, ‘Not in a million years, Potter.’ The tower crashes down and another shade of color turns to grey. But then I start building again. I paint in the colors once more. And every time my efforts are in vain.

You know, sometimes I just want to give up on her. I just want to be able to walk past her and I want to be able to walk by her without wishing I could be the guy next to her. I want to be able to walk into the Great Hall without my eyes immediately landing on her. I want to play at Quidditch games and enjoy the attention without searching for her, hoping she's giving me attention too. I want to stop being disappointed when she's not. I want to hear her name without feeling a tug at my heartstrings. I want to be able to see green things without thinking of those glorious eyes. I want the dull ache that always accompanies any thought of her to go away.

I’m running out of colors to paint. My strength to build the tower is draining.

I want to stop hurting.

I hate it how she thinks I’m still fooling around. Can’t she see that I’m the Seeker and she’s the Snitch? She’s elusive, quick-witted- the ultimate endgame, the game changer. She’s worthwhile because the Snitch is something that could slip so easily through your fingers.

When you get it, it’s singlehandedly the BEST moment in your life.

But I can’t catch her- that’s why I kept coming back.

And I want to win, DAMNIT- I REALLY want to win.

That’s why I’ve got a reputation as a player, a bad boy. I’ve dated a different girl each month. But every time I hold some other girl’s hand, every time I kiss someone else, I automatically think about what it would be like if she was Lily Evans. But no one understands how painful it is. Still, I strive under that image- I guess it makes me feel stronger that I really am. A false image as a bad boy is better than my real life reality as a love struck train wreck.

I wonder about her a lot. About her laugh…does she ever laugh at my jokes or pranks? What about her smile…did she ever smile for me? I wonder about everything. But I never get answers.

I know she enchants me. I love the way that she doesn’t wear makeup, ties her hair up, doesn’t wear her skirts too short or shirt too low while other girls spend hours on their appearances and just wears too little clothes. I love it how she doesn’t worship me like every other female in Hogwarts. She doesn’t laugh at all my pranks or jokes, or stares in awe as I do something impressive. I love that she points out my mistakes- it makes me want to fix it. I love how she speaks whatever’s on her mind, how she stands up for others and even people she doesn’t know. And I love our arguments, it challenges me and engages me in a way nothing else can.

It’s the only way to talk to her, to know her, to feed my addiction to her.

Lily Evans fascinates me.

Sometimes I hate her for existing. I hate her for making me feel all this pain.

But at the same moment, she makes me so glad I did.  

I know I’m a masochist.

I’m done being one.

A mental image floats into view. It’s Lily in a beautiful white gown, beaming at someone else. Even a blind man could see that she was in love and she was so happy. And it’s not because of me.  

Another flash and she’s holding a child in her arms. The little tyke looks nothing like me. She’s playing with him now, while using her wand to create colorful bubbles. At the same time, she’s trying to get the kid to understand magic.

The vision blurs and she’s in the Great Hall, sitting among other people, dabbing at her eyes as Dumbledore reads out the names of the graduates. Her little boy has finally grown up.

I close my eyes again and I can see her on a porch, sitting in a rocking chair. She’s old and frail with another old male sitting on another rocking chair next to her. She rests her head on his thin shoulder and gazes off peacefully into the sunset. At her feet, there’s another small child giggling happily- her grandchild, perhaps?

She has her happily ever after, without a single trace of Potter. None of the images above includes me. It’s not going to happen to me.

Once again, tears splattered my robes. Why couldn’t Mum and Dad have this kind of happy ending? Why couldn’t I have this happy ending? With Lily by my side? It’s all gone now, partly because of this stupid war. Vanished. Stolen. Taken.

The more I think about this, the more I can feel a force on my back that’s pushing me to tip forwards. My chest was constricting so much that I was literally suffocating. My throat was burning with the overwhelming and demonic urge to scream.

I needed to stop.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I needed to jump. I wanted to jump.

Just tilt forward and…

“James!” the desperation in her voice made me freeze. I had never heard her speak my name so desperately, as if I really, truly mattered to her. The way she said my name sent a shiver down my spine and the force making me fall vanished. Her voice was so full of emotion that I had to turn around. I had to see her face.

“What are you doing here, Lily?” I asked, trying not to make me sound completely fucking broken. I quickly shoved my glasses on my face and I see her brilliant green orbs glowing in the moonlight. I see her red hair and petite frame. She’s worried. It’s a miracle! The mere sight of her ignited something in me.

And without thinking, without even letting my body have permission to do so, I jump to my feet and leap away from the edge to the tower. I crossed over to her in two big steps just as she looked up at me. She barely had time to register what was going on- HELL, even I didn’t know what was going on- I wasn’t in control of my own body as one arm wrapped itself tightly around her waist and the other guided her lips to mine and finally, FINALLY, I had salvation.  

Lily was the first to broke away, “James…”

“Hmm…” I could barely think now- her arms were still clung around my neck and she was resting her forehead against mines.

“There’s something hard pressing against my leg…ouch…could you step back a bit?” she grimaced. My eyes flew open and stumbled away from her. I trembled as I slowly let go of her. No, please. She can’t know what it is… No, anything but that!

Lily seemed to notice my odd behavior, “James? What is it?”

“What is what?” I mumbled, playing dumb.

“This,” she lunged forward and plunged her hand in to my robes pocket and pulled out my razor. I flinched as she studied it carefully, “James? Why do you have this with you?”

I swallowed- how in the bloody world could I tell her?

“Wait,” she gasped as she examined the blade. “Is this blood?”

FUCK!

“Give it back!” I snapped and reached out for it and tried to grab it from her with my left arm. Little did I know that my sleeve had slid down my arm and made its way to my elbow. I wanted to tug it back in place but Lily’s gaze was already fixed on it, “James? What’s this?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled, more tears started to drift down my cheek.

“James, give me your arm,” Lily whispered. I didn’t move. She grabbed my left forearm and examined it. Countless scratches that were all parallel to each other marred the formerly flawless skin and each wound was about an inch long. She ran her finger along it, lightly brushing the broken skin.

“You cut yourself,” she said flatly. It was more of a statement than a question. “No wonder…I heard you at night. Why?”

I started to gulp down air, my whole body was shaking again and words tumbled out before I could control it, “Mum and Dad’s dead, Lily. I told them to stay at home; I told them that they were too old. And what happened? He killed them… They were supposed to see me graduate! They were supposed to retire and live safely at home! But thanks to Voldemort, it’s gone! All GONE! I hate him, Lily. I hate him for taking away everything.”

My voice was echoing loudly around the tower, I could barely recognize it. It was the voice of someone driven to the end of his wits. It belonged to someone who had lost his meaning of life. The person should be kept in some kind of padded room. He was on the fine line of insanity.

“They died a noble death, James. They died for you,” Lily murmured.

“Don’t give me that shit,” I spat. “I’ve heard it too many times. I know it and I hate every single word for it. I could’ve taken their place, given a few years! I could’ve gone to battle Voldemort and come back ALIVE! We would be safe and sound. Everything would’ve been perfect. But my parents HAD to be chosen now. It’s a damned, fucked up mistake that could’ve been avoided.” Hot tears were pouring down my face again. I didn’t care that I was crying in front of Lily Evans. This was all too much for me to bear. I needed to break down.

“Anything else? What are you doing up here?” I felt like I just swallowed knives and they were slicing my insides now. Why the fuck was she asking about ‘anything else’?

Should I tell her?

She needs to know, James.

No.

YES.

You’ve kept this inside you for too long. Let it go.

Fall all over again.

Just say it.

“It’s you,” I heard my strangled voice echo around the tower. Lily didn’t say anything. She was telling me to go on. “I couldn’t stand the tension between us. I couldn’t take any more fucking drama. I hated that I was so distant from you. I hated that I was such a negative part of your life. I’m saying the ultimate truth: I really, really like you. I’m not joking, I’m not playing anymore. Please…just give me- give us- a chance. Please. I don’t care if you’ll take ten days, ten months or even ten years to fall in love with me. I’ve never truly given up on you, Lily. Never.”

There was a long pause. Time seemed to drag on into eternity.

I took a deep breath and started again, “I started to come here since the start of Seventh Year, when they just left and when we started to live in the same dorm. Do you know how much pain I went through? I saw you every single day but there was barely any way to get closer to you. And every morning, I prayed that nothing turned up in the news. I prayed that no owl came looking for me.”

“It was torture, Lily. Torture,” I rasped. “You have no idea how much I wanted to jump off that damned ledge because of my ruined life. But I’m such a fucking coward that I couldn’t. I couldn’t even force myself to pick myself up. To eat. To sleep.”

Another century passed.

“R-r-remember that time in the common room, when we talked?” Lily finally spoke.

“Of course,” I used my back of my hand to wipe away the tears.

“I asked you to look at me when I was talking to you…because I wanted to see the passion in your eyes. And I could feel you through them. I could feel the need from you…and for you,” Lily walked right up to me and pulled my close that our noses were almost touching. I was so close to those beautiful eyes of hers that I could see my own pools of butterscotch gazing back.

We were standing so close to each other for a long time. Nothing really made sense. I wanted to say a million words, I wanted to dance and at the same time, I wanted to cry. But at the moment, I was still a corpse. My dead body probably wouldn’t make any difference. Nothing moved. Everything was ice cold.

Until her words finally hit me.

“I know,” I said playfully back. “I could see it in your eyes too.” I could feel my smirk coming back. It was all rushing back. It was the greatest sensation I’ve ever known- all the gloom, all the darkness had finally lifted because Lily was there. She was there.

“Really?” she replied coolly, but again, her eyes betrayed her. I laughed silently at this, seeing her becoming herself again. My heart seemed to start beating again. My life finally had light in it. Like my soul had finally reawakened from a long, tired nap. The painting I had been working on for such a long time was nearly done. The tower that I had been building only needed a few finishing touches.

“Oh, yes. There was desire,” I muttered huskily in her ear.

She let out a mock, disbelieving snort.

“Concern,” I chuckled. Ah, it felt good to laugh again. It was like stretching sore muscles. I stepped closer to her.

“And as you said, longing and need,” I was pressed up to her again; I could feel her breath blowing across my face.

“Shut up, Potter,” a smile was playing at her lips.

“Make me, Evans,” I grinned and she lifted her chin to press her lips to mine. This kiss was tender and slow, before it began evolving into something more intimate and passionate. Our tongues met simultaneously as we both opened our mouths in unison.

Her hands rested around his neck, while mines were located at the small of her back and at the back of her neck, to steady her as I leaned further backwards.

“You know, I can still remember the days when you said you’d rather snog the Giant Squid than me,” I laughed quietly, my lips still brushing hers. The fog was easing now.

“Well, Reynaldo’s busy tonight so I guess you’re stuck with me, Potter,” Lily smiled back. I smiled at the fact that she still remembered my name for the Giant Squid.

“So, Lily Evans, will you go out with me?” I repeated the words I had been saying for the past four years.

“Yes,” her voice never sounded so sure of herself.

“I’ve been waiting for that answer for seven years.”

Lily and I decided that we would keep our relationship quiet in front of everyone else. I knew we would be hot gossip for at least a whole month and the rumor mill just loved us even before we started dating.

But that didn’t stop me from grabbing Lily’s hand as we walked towards the Great Hall for breakfast.

“What do you think’s going to happen?” I chuckled.

Lily shook her head, “Besides utter shock and a couple of your fan club members fainting? I have no idea.”

“This is going to be fun,” I smirked. I felt a lot better than I ever did in weeks. It was like seeing the sun again after years and years of darkness.

I glanced down at Lily again. I still couldn’t believe that I could finally date her. After six long years, it was a reality. She looked lovely, as usual, with her flaming red hair clipped out of her face with a barrette, “Have I told you how beautiful you look today?”

She blushed, “No, I suppose you haven’t”

I swooped in to give her a peck on her cheek, “Well, you do.”

As we walked into the Great Hall hand in hand, everything seemed to stifle into silence. The only thing we heard was a loud clank. I looked up and saw that Professor McGonagall had dropped her fork and was staring at us with wide eyes. Dumbledore merely smiled at the two of us, his baby blue eyes twinkling.

The first person to recover from shock was Sirius. His signature Marauder grin was plastered on his face as he reached into his robes pocket, enclosed in his fist. As I came closer, Sirius opened up his palm and I recognized my Golden Snitch fluttering towards me. I grinned back at Padfoot, like sharing an inside joke, reached out, grabbed the Snitch and pocketed it.

I chuckled as Sirius mouthed, “One-fifty points to Gryffindor.”

Mary’s jaw was literally touching the floor when James let go of my hand and I walked over to my two best friends. Amy had totally forgotten that she was pouring herself a glass of milk and now her cup was overflowing.

“Ames, I think you have enough milk,” I jerked my chin at her cup as I sat down between them. I sighed when they didn’t give me any reaction so I pried the pitcher from Amy’s hand and set it down on the table with a loud clunk. That seemed to wake them up.

“What the hell was that?” Mary snapped.

“What?” I played dumb while casually grabbing some boiled eggs from the table.

I glanced around and saw that half of the whole female population of Hogwarts’, if not whispering rapidly to one another, was eavesdropping on us. Some were even shooting me dirty looks. I quickly flicked my wand and cast a Silencing charm around us, “James and I are finally dating.”  

Amy choked on her oatmeal, “Merlin! Did he feed you a love potion? I’ll get Slughorn pronto!”

“James isn’t that good in Potions, he’s probably got the Cruciatus Curse on Lily!”

Mary hissed. “Tell me! What’s the counter-curse?”

“Seriously, guys,” I laughed. “I genuinely like James Potter.”

“You are feeling alright, aren’t you?” Amy put her hand to my forehead. “What happened?”

I swallowed. ‘What happened’ couldn’t explain it all.

“We just worked out, I suppose,” I muttered. “We just…talked things over last night and it happened.”

“I have no idea where this is coming from, but I guess I sort of notice you looking much happier today than you have been lately,” Amy replied honestly.

“That’s good,” I replied absent-mindedly. I glanced over to James who was sitting with the Marauders- he was playing with his Snitch, grinning brightly whenever he caught it.

I smiled at this- James was feeling a lot better now. That was all I could ask for. I didn’t want the James I saw last night to ever come back, ever again. It wasn’t natural for James Potter to be so brokenhearted. It wasn’t him at all. This was a face that no one wanted to know about. It didn’t belong to him.

Remus looked over to me and mouthed, “Thank you.” And he was smiling like he knew this was going to happen all along. Peter probably didn’t notice anything and continued shoving his face with bread and cheese.

I snuck another glance at James, who was looking over at me. He flashed me a smile and a wink before turning back to the Marauders. Mary rolled her eyes. "You two are going to be so disgusting; I can just tell."

I snorted, “Shut up! Come on. We have to go to DADA."

They made their way into class and sat where they usually did. The Marauders came in a few minutes after them. Professor Merrythought didn't hesitate to begin class. He was excited to start on Dementor and Inferi Attacks. He began by a poor attempt of acting out how Inferis moved. Amy snickered and called it a ‘werewolf mating ritual-slash-jig’. I laughed at that one.

Out of the corner of her eye, I noticed James looking at her every so often with a smile on his face. He would divide his time between looking at his notes and at me.

When class was over, James waiting for me after class. I walked up to him slowly, noticing that others were watching the pair with interest. He merely nodded at me with a smirk and handed me a folded piece of parchment. "I'll see you later, Lily."

I smiled at him as he left. Amy glanced over at me. "What's that?"

I shook my head, "I'm not sure."

We quickly made our way to Arithmancy. Amy immediately went over to sit with Lee Rogers, the hot Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain. I smirked and sat over to the side by myself. I immediately opened the parchment, expecting a note, but it was something entirely different.

 It was a drawing— a very, very good drawing— of me laughing like I had been in the last class. In the bottom right corner were the words, 'It's good to see you smiling again. JP.' I was touched by the gesture. He really was incredibly sweet. It was hard to concentrate on Arithmancy after that.

At lunch, the Marauders were already seated at the table. I immediately sat down next to James. He was surprised, but happy nonetheless. "Hey! Where's Amy?"

I shrugged. "Hunting Lee Rogers. I thought I would come over here. Thanks for the drawing by the way. It was beautiful."

James just nodded and ran his fingers through her hair. "You're beautiful."

Just then, Sirius gagged at how annoyingly cute we were being, “Prongs, I’m eating!” He stabbed his pork chop for effect. I glared over at him. "Sirius Black, do I need to remind you of what I'm capable of doing with my wand?"

James, Remus, and Peter all began laughing as Sirius paled and shook his head rather quickly. He quickly ducked down ate his food quietly. Remus was beside himself as he laughed. "Lily, what happened? I had no idea that you had this much control over him. This is great."

I smirked. "Let's just say he shouldn't be bothering either of us anytime soon, isn't that right, Black?"

During Care of Magical Creatures, we got to go outside and sat around an open area near the Forbidden Forest. Professor Kettleburn told us that were going to begin an extensive dragon unit over the new few weeks. Professor Kettleborn was hoping to have a few dragon specialists come in and give talks as well as maybe bring a real dragon to the premises for the sake of study.

 “That’s great!” I turned to Remus and James. “Why didn’t Sirius or Peter take this N.E.W.T.S.?”

Remus shrugged. "James took it with me so I wouldn't be by myself like I am in Ancient Runes. Peter just took the basics because, well, Peter isn't that good at a whole lot. Sirius couldn't be bothered. The only extra classes he took was Divination and Muggle Studies with us."

I frowned, "You're getting a NEWT in Divination? That whole subject is ridiculous. What's wrong with you?"

James just laughed. "Well, Sirius and I are really good at making things up that can happen to us so it's basically an easy O. Besides, Sirius and I usually just plan a bunch of pranks during class” Then his eyes suddenly widened, "Wait, I didn't tell you that."

Remus laughed. "Nice going, Prongs."

I sighed, "Honestly, what am I going to do about it? It's not like anything I say will stop the four of you anyway."

James looked surprised. "You're not mad?"

I shrugged, "At least your pranks this year don't involve injuring people for the fun of it. It's about time you all grew up and played pranks that were bigger, better, and well thought out rather than just doing it to humiliate someone."

Remus and James continued to stare at me with a stunned silence. I arched an eyebrow, "What?"

James blinked, "Umm, thanks I think."

Remus merely nodded, equally astonished. I rolled my eyes once more and watched James. He had started to draw on his parchment using a different sort of quill rather than one to take notes. It looked like he was drawing the Norwegian Ridgeback, which Professor Kettleburn was currently discussing. "You really just draw in class all day?"

James smiled, but kept his eyes on the parchment. "Usually, if I’m not planning pranks. In this class, it's usually worth it though. Kettleburn likes to make us draw the animals for assignments."

In a few skillful strokes of the quill, he had managed to capture the rough and dry texture of the scales. "You're really good at that you know."

James glanced up. "You're too nice."

I shook my head with a smile and turned back to her notes. "No, I'm not."

After dinner, James made his way over to her, took her hand, and they made their way to the Heads' Dorm. As soon as they had walked through the wall into their small hallway, she was surprised, but not disappointed, as James immediately pulled her close to him and covered her lips with his. When he finally broke away, both of them were slightly out of breath. "I’ve been wanting to do that all day."

Lily merely nodded. "Me too."

The first Hogsmeade weekend I went with James took me by surprise. We didn’t go to the Three Broomsticks for butterbeers, we didn’t go to Honeydukes to buy candy either.

He had led me off the main path to Hogsmeade. It was a narrow path and lead to a small forest.

“Where are we going?” I asked, curious that we weren’t in the village.

He just smiled cryptically and said, “You’ll see.”

Once we were in the forest, the path disappeared but James weaved through the trees with as much expertise as he flew across the Quidditch pitch. He was obviously familiar with the woods. After a while, the trees thinned out into a clearing and I could instantly see why James had preferred a nature expedition to a drink in the pub.

The forest floor was dotted with beautiful, frost resistant flowers, overflowing atop one another, their colors only a little dulled by the late-fall weather. The pinks had turned magenta, the purples stately and royal and the light blues had darkened to navy. But the white had stayed as pure as the snow that was going to cover the clearing in a week. But the most magical thing in the clearing was the handful of butterflies that still fluttered delicately over the blossoms.

They rode across the air on painted wings of dark patterns of blue and black and they would occasionally stop atop of a flower, their wings still for a minute or so before taking off again. I wondered how on earth the creatures hadn’t died in the November cold.

“This is amazing,” I breathed. It was like a little pocket of spring, a small piece of land reminiscent of blue skies and warm weather that had successfully kept itself hidden from winter’s watchful eye. “How did you come across this place?”

“It’s a long story, actually,” James said quietly, his eyes also focusing on the butterflies. “Do you want to hear it?”

I nodded.

He smiled and began, “When I was a little boy, my parents would come to Hogwarts once every term because they were on the board of governors. Usually, after their meetings with Professor Dippet, the headmaster then, my dad would take me here while my mum was in Hogsmeade.

“One Sunday, just before winter when I was six or seven, my dad led me here, the exact spot we’re standing now and told me a story. He explained that the dark butterflies called Black Swollowtails, held a grave history with Mother Nature. In the beginning, Mother Nature created butterflies, delicate things with colorless wings to pollinate the flowers through the summer and the spring. But there was one butterfly that refused to do her bidding and only pollinated just before winter. In her anger, Mother Nature poisoned the butterfly, giving it black and blue wings. To humiliate it even more, she gave the other butterflies bright and beautiful patterns.”

I was enveloped in James’ voice, caught up in the beauty of the story. He seemed to be in a trance as well, going back to when his dad had told him the tale, “My dad told me that the butterfly was so ashamed of his wings that he hid in the dark places of the forest. One day, a beautiful female butterfly took pity on him and mated with him. Mother Nature recognized the amazing act of compassion and forgave the disobedient butterfly.

“And here they are today,” James went on, “My dad said, ‘James, son. Let this be a reminder to you that from a careless mistake can bloom change and life, beauty and love. Always remember.”

James eyes remained transfixed on the butterflies, “And to this day, I try to come here once in a while, usually on Sundays though.” He half-smiled, “My dad may be gone but he’s still with me. I think he was the person who taught me to believe in love.”

“That’s beautiful,” I said in awe. I was amazed that James would share this special place, this special story, this special memory with me. “Thank you.”

“For what?” He cocked his head.

“For sharing,” I smiled back at him. He gave me his signature smirk and tightened his grip on my hand. The warmth from his hand seemed to spread to the rest of my body and we just stood there, surrounded by the quiet forest and watching the blue and black butterflies.  

Lils,

I know your mother usually writes you letters since your owl doesn’t like me that much for some unknown reason. (I swear, I had no idea she was about to fly in the window! Besides, her beak looks fine, last time she tried to gnaw my fingers off.) But she’s out planning your sister’s wedding. Yes, you read that right. Your sister’s getting married. Vernon proposed to her some time in November. Not that I don't like him, it’s just that why couldn’t she choose someone who didn’t impersonate a whale?

Anyways, you’re presence is required at home for the Christmas break. We’re going to have dinner with your aunt and uncle to officially ‘welcome Vernon into the family’ on the 23^rd of December. Direct quote from your mother. She’s only said that because Petunia’s ring is huge and the wedding date is going to be on her 60^th birthday. (Shh! Don’t tell her I told you that!)

One last thing, you can bring a date if you want to this dinner. Your cousins are probably going to do the same as well.

See you at Christmas, Lils.

Love,

Dad

Marmalade had swooped into the Great Hall three weeks before the Christmas break started. And attached to it was another pink, frilly envelope made out of heavy paper. I didn’t open it since I had a very clear idea what was it.

“My sister is getting married,” I said disgustedly after ripping the pink envelope in half. The whole Seventh Year part of the table went silent- nearly everyone knew my horrible sister.

“To that Dursley bloke?” Amy asked. “Gross.” She wrinkled her nose like she just smelt something disgusting.

I groaned and set my fork down beside my plate, “What do I do? I don’t want to eat dinner with him.”  

“Lie that you exploded everyone’s cauldron in Potions and you’ve got detention for the whole break,” Mary suggested.

“Really explode everyone’s cauldron,” Sirius said, winking at me. “We could help you with that.”

“I’d still have to go to her stupid wedding. My mother won’t let me miss it, she’ll come to Hogwarts to drag her home myself,” I sighed.

“Wait for a second,” James had been reading my dad’s letter while we were talking. “You only need to be there on the 23^rd. You could make up some rubbish about needing to come back to Hogwarts the next day for studying and spend Christmas with us.”

“With us?” I raised my eyebrows.

James grinned. “I’m only going to leave for the first part of the break to check up some things at home then I’m coming back with Sirius, Remus’ staying back as well but Pete’s going home for the whole break.”

“Don’t forget about us!” Amy poked her head over Mary’s shoulder. “Mares and I aren’t missing our last Hogwarts’ Christmas either.”

I laughed and fished out a new piece of parchment from my satchel to write out a reply, “Alright. We’ll get to open our presents in the Gryffindor common room this year.”