Ever Sounding

 Confession Weekend Post No.3

I am beginning to be a Christian once more. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever been a good one, anyway.

Does anyone of you remember the argument between Aiken and I on FB? I said that because when my mom was at her worst, I prayed with all my heart to God and Jesus. Apparently, nothing happened and so I lost faith in them. Even when I prayed, read the Bible, praised God, NOTHING happened. So I changed my mind that there was no such thing as a God or a Jesus. At that time, the Bible was just a book. At that time, Christmas was just a time when I had a cold, long holiday with lights, tinsel, presents and sales. Nothing else.

I was thinking that way until I went into DGS. I guess DGS isn’t all that bad. I was reunited with my Father in Heaven. During all those Bible reading sessions in the morning, all those hymns sung and prayers said: I started to change. I said prayers and He answered me. I had doubts and the Holy Book comforted me. I was lost and hymns guided me.

I’ve had three personal experiences with God in my whole life. The first was when I sang a hymn and there was a line that comforted me. When I sang it, I was suddenly sucked into a black void. I was just floating in the middle of nowhere. But I felt so carefree. All the weight was lifted off my shoulders and my heart was as light as a feather. It was pure bliss. I have never felt something like that ever in my whole entire life. Afterwards, when I thought about it, I started to think that God or Jesus was there.

The second experience was when Mrs. Lau talked to Jose and I. It was simply astounding that an adult actually bothered to listen to us because everyone out there only listened to us for a sentence then cut in and said, “You’ll understand,” or “You should be grateful.” We know why we’re in here, we just want somebody to understand our perspective. You might think that we’re whiny or whatever but I bet you’ve never thought about our pain and sadness and discomfort settling in DGS. When Mrs. Lau listened and tried to help, it was like God speaking to us through her (as I have mentioned in detail in a former post).

The third time was only a couple of hours ago when I was in the shower. I was thinking about my Father in heaven when I had the rush of emotions of gratefulness and love and trust and faith. So I had the urge to get down on my knees and prayed to God. And so I did. I asked God to purify me of my sins. I asked God to protect me and love me. I asked God to also take care of the people that I care about. I asked God to help me find my way again. I thanked God for my friends. I thanked God for my teachers. And I thanked God for the life He had given me and giving me a chance to be reunited with Him.

So now, I’m trying to be a better Christian. I will try to succeed the mission that Tilly gave me. I will learn from Isabel and Alex. ;) I promise I will try. I’m afraid I can’t go to church because I don’t think my mom will EVER let me and I have worship sessions every morning at school! 


I shall now end this post with a picture of my Prayers and Hymn Book.