Because of you

Sixth/Seventh year.

It was just your average evening in the Gryffindor common room, it was ten at night, and so only the sixth years were still there. Alice, Jasmine, and Amy were gossiping in front of the fireplace as Amy and Alice did each other’s hair, and Jasmine knitted a bright green scarf with orange stripes. Frank Longbottom, Derek Thompson, and Collin Wilson were playing Exploding Snap in the middle of the room. Lily Evans and Mary MacDonald were on the small couch by the bookshelves, half studying and half talking. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and James were sitting casually in the corner of the room, talking amongst themselves.

Padfoot turned his head to his best friend, who had been staring at the ceiling for a good ten minutes without saying a word. He was sitting on the ground with his back against the stone wall. The only movement he made was repetitively thumping the back of his head against the wall.

“Hey,” said Padfoot to James, “Stop that before you do any lasting damage to your brain.”

But James didn’t respond, and continued to bang his head on the wall. Slightly concerned, Moony, who had been on the opposite side of James as Padfoot, looked up from his Transfiguration book, and to James. He knitted his eyebrows together, contemplating on whether or not he should ask James what was wrong. Whenever any of them asked what was wrong, it was always Lily, and he always drug on for twenty minutes. And as Marauders, their attention span only lasted for about half of the rant.

Choosing friendship over peace and quiet, he opened his mouth, but it was Wormy who spoke. He never really said much, but what he did say was either painfully dimwitted, or rather insightful.

 “Prongs,” he sighed sympathetically. “You are now, literally, beating yourself up over Evans.

“Really?” Padfoot interjected sarcastically.

 “Shut up, Padfoot, I’m trying to make a point.” Wormy said. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that, this is our second-last year. Now, you can spend it pining over Evans, or you can spend it interacting with society like you used to.”

 “He’s right,” Moony added. Wormy perked up a little, not used to such compliments, especially not comments about being right. “What are you going to do after this year if you don’t catch Evans? You know one and a half years is barely enough time.”

Padfoot sighed; Moony was always coming up with the deep questions. James had stopped hitting his head against the stone wall, and turned to his friend. He was right, and James didn’t know what he was going to do. He had even thought about it a few times, but decided to push all bad possible outcomes out of his head, and focus on winning over Evans. Just at the thought of her made him start swinging his head back and forward again, hardly feeling the wall when he went back. His eyes darted over to the bookshelves, and he caught a glimpse of her, tossing her red, wavy hair over her shoulder. She seemed troubled as the chatted with Mary.

Mary looked over to her friend sadly. She was almost crying, again. This happened a lot anymore after her fights with James Potter. This happened basically every day.

 “He’s just so…. So…. Ugh!” Lily slammed her face into her hands, and sighed tiredly.

 “Define ‘Ugh!’” Mary said, smartly. “After ‘tucking you into bed’.”

 Lily rolled her eyes behind the palms of her hands and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know anymore, she whined. “It used to be so easy, hating him, but now that I work with him, I don’t really understand what I thought was so wrong with him.

 “You thought he was a conceited bully,” Mary recalled.

 “Well, yeah, but he only really bullied Severus, and… he deserves it.” As Lily finished her thought,

 “He was conceited though,” Lily continued. “He thought he was Merlin’s greatest gift to the female population, just because he can fly on a broomstick and catch a ball at the same time. Even Petunia could do that!” Lily scoffed.

Mary laughed. “Why say it in past tense? Doesn’t he still think that?” she looked over her shoulder at the four boys in the corner. When she did, Sirius winked at her. She glared at him, hoping it would eventually get through his fat head that she was immune to his ‘charm.’

“Not really anymore. I really do think he’s deflated his head.” She put simply. It really was unbelievable; she didn’t understand it at all. He only asked her out a couple of times now, but every time he did, he was desperate. Desperation to win that six-year game he trapped her in. Lily did not respond well to his game, and he should know it by now. There was something else going on inside James Potter. She just needed to know what. What was causing him to act so funny? Why was he banging his head against a wall?

Moony had the same questions. Why was his best friend so stressed out all the time? It could be his Head duties, or possibly his position as Quidditch captain. One thing it was for sure was the redhead in the corner of the room.

James knew he only had one and half a year to win her over. He was running out of time; and fast. He felt his head thud onto the stone once more, twice, three times. Moony’s question was stinging his thoughts like hornets. What would he do if those bright green eyes never looked at him again? Would he ever find someone else? Lily was smart, honest, beautiful, and kind. Genuine, funny, and compassionate. Sure there were other girls, but Lily was perfect.

He had a side view of her, which he took full advantage of. He could see her face, and her big, almond shaped eyes. The eyes that would ever so discretely flicker over to him. His heart would jump every time she did so. She would look away as quickly as she looked at him. She was still talking, and had a strange expression on her face. Her eyebrows were scrunched together, and she was frowning while she spoke.

Mary MacDonald glanced over her shoulder at him, then back to Lily. “If you are so concerned, ask!” Mary said with frustration.

 “But I don’t want him to think I care!” Lily protested.

 “But you do!”

“No I don’t!”

 “Then why have you sat here for the past ten minutes rambling on about how upset he seems; and that you think it’s your fault?” Mary argued.

Lily frowned. This was why she was friends with Mary; she always got you to admit things about yourself. She just made Lily admit that she cared about James Potter. It even sounded ridiculous when she thought it to herself. But it was true.

 “That’s it!” Lily announced. “I am going over there, and asking him what his problem is!”

“Good for you!” Mary conceded.

Lily stood up, and walked determinately to the corner of the common room. The Marauders becoming closer and closer.

Padfoot turned his head to see Lily Evans walking toward them. He looked down at his friend. James was still sitting on the ground, and staring at the ceiling. Padfoot kicked him in the side to catch his attention.

 “What?” James asked, annoyed.

“Oh, stop your brooding and look!” Padfoot said while pointing at Lily Evans. She was now less than ten feet away.

Lily looked down at James Potter. The expression on his face was unreadable. He waited for her to say something.

“Uh…” She had no idea where to start. “Are you alright?”

The question popped out of nowhere. James was bracing himself for insults or the violent use of magic.

 “Er, what do you mean?”

 “I mean, are you alright?” Lily retorted, always a sarcastic one.

 “I’m fine.” James said swiftly, standing up.

 “I’m not stupid.” Lily said. “Nobody believes ‘I’m fine’ anyway.”

“Okay, so, I’m not fine. Why are you here?”

“No reason.” Lily said in a clipped tone.

 “How about this? I will tell you what’s wrong if you tell me why you came over here.”

 “Fine.” She scoffed.

A few awkward seconds passed. Lily was just staring at James. James was wondering why she hasn’t said anything.

 Lily drew in a deep breath, and let it out quickly. “I came over here for answers.” She admitted, trying to sound professional, and not like she genuinely cared.

“Care to elaborate?” James asked, raising an eyebrow.

 “I came over to ask you if you were alright, because you have been acting oddly.” Lily said matter-of-factly.

James nodded tersely. And waited for her to continue. Hoping she would specify upon what she meant by “oddly.” He had a pretty good idea, but he wanted to hear her say it.

 “You’ve just been secluded, and quiet, and passive, and boring, and you haven’t said anything to me in a week!” Lily said in a rushed tone. She couldn’t believe how much this was relieving her.

 “You haven’t played a prank in who knows how long, and you are always frowning! You have never frowned that much in the past six years! You haven’t hexed Snape in a week, or any other Death Eater for that matter!” She was talking frantically now, and waving her hands in front of her for effect.

 “So, tell me, James, what is your problem?” She finished, exasperated and frustrated.

She didn’t know how long she had been staring at him, but after what seemed like ages, a flicker of grief traced across his face.

 “You.” He mumbled, looking at the floor.

 “What?” Lily asked, sounding both confused and hurt.

 “You were right about all of those things you said. And the reason is you.” He drew in a deep breath, and looked up at her.

“You said I have been secluded, quiet and boring. Which I have, because I am rather miserable.”

“Why are you miserable?” Lily pressed. She came here for answers, and she was going to get them.

 “Because of you.”

 Lily didn’t say anything, but stared at him, and waited for him to continue.

  “I haven’t talked to you in a week because I don’t really want to face another rejection. I haven’t smiled in a while, because I have no reason to. I haven’t played pranks or tormented the Slytherins because you hated it when I did that.”

 Lily really wanted to know why she was making him miserable. She had her ideas, but she wanted to hear him say it. Whatever he said about her, she figured she would deserve. After hearing him say all of that, she realized how upset this was making her. And it was all her fault for being so mean to him all the time. For cutting him down so harshly.

 “Why do I make you miserable?” she asked softly.  

“Because I tried so hard to get you to go out with me, to like me at least. And you never gave me a chance. I tried to impress you, and as it turns out, you consider it arrogance. I know I act like an idiot, but that’s because I don’t know how to act around a person I love, that happens to hate me. I don’t even know why you hate me so much. Instead of trying to figure it out, I tried to change your opinion. But I never could. And apparently never will. Even after I told you all of this last year and paid Jasmine to do a fake snog, you didn’t really do anything. That is why I’m miserable.” He finished quietly. He ran his right hand through his hair, like he normally did when he was nervous or frustrated.

Lily looked at him blankly, not knowing how to respond to his outburst. She knew every word he said was true. She was so closed minded about him. He even said he loved her. And she was too proud to see it. Figuring now was her chance to make things right, she looked at James’s troubled face. His hazel eyes reflected her green ones from behind his round glasses, and were shining. He was frowning still. Lily was wondering if she should hug him or not but to her dismay, James just sighed heavily, “I know you still don’t really care and you’re too good for me so, good night Evans.” And he walked back up to the boys’ dorm. Lily was standing in the middle of the common room with her mouth wide-open and jade-colored eyes shining with surprise.

“What was that supposed to mean?” Lily exclaimed.

Mary MacDonald was standing on the table she and Lily had previously been using to study, though she had stopped to watch Lily talk to James. She had been waiting for this to happen for about a year now. She had known Lily was wearing down, but Mary honestly figured this was going to end in a yelling match. Glancing around the shell-shocked faces of her fellow Gryffindors; she could tell they had thought the same thing. Frank Longbottom and his friends had stopped playing their game, and were staring at the couple in the corner. Amy and Alice had finally shut up, and were staring as well with that gushy girly look on both of their faces. Jasmine had stopped knitting; believe it or not, and was staring at them too.

James Potter sank into his four-poster bed. Lily Evans had just given him the perfect opportunity to say everything he ever wanted to but he didn’t want it to be that way. Actually, he privately thought he was too miserable to think anymore.

“Even after that, you’re not dating James Potter?” Amy asked incredulously on the way to the library. They were talking about the hottest topic of the year, Lily and James. “No way!”

“For the hundredth time, Amy,” Lily sighed. “I am not dating Potter!”

“C’mon, Lils,” Amy sighed. “It’s been six years you’ve know each other!”

“You’ve also known the failure Charles Lee for six years, why not date him?” Lily rebuked.

“Him? He’s not even good looking!” Amy scoffed. “But James Potter is another case…”

“Okay, Potter might be a bit good-looking now but still… there’s more to good looks,” Lily said.

“Hey, Potter’s sweet as well,” Amy offered.

“How sweet?” Lily snorted. “Just because he tucked me into bed once and kissed me on the forehead good night doesn’t mean he’s sweet.”

Amy stopped walking, her voice dropped to a whisper, “Lily? You really haven’t noticed?”

“Noticed what?”

“James Potter hasn’t asked you out for two weeks already!” Amy said. “He hasn’t shown off his History of Magic’s quiz mark and he’s stopped being a womanizer. He hasn’t snogged or dated anyone since the end of Fifth Year. His ego has deflated, because of you. He wants you to see that he can be a good boyfriend.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lily replied. “He’s bound to hypnotize a girl in the next week. Besides, just because he hasn’t asked me out for two weeks doesn’t mean his ego has deflated, it might very well mean that he’s moved on.”

“But that’s weird, don’t you think?” Amy frowned, starting to walk again, “it’s highly impossible that a person can stop mooning over someone in a matter of two months.”

“Maybe Potter didn’t mean anything!” Lily retorted. “His words could’ve been fake!”

“Well, at least he can prove he’s a good Head Boy,” Amy said.

“Except he skives off duties because of Quidditch practice!” Lily replied angrily but her mind replayed that day on the Hogwarts’ Express…

Flashback…

Lily smiled proudly at the Head Girl badge in her hand. She had worked hard as a prefect to earn it and she was finally there. She was in the Prefects Compartment on the Hogwarts’ Express, waiting for the Prefects and the new Head boy. She didn’t know who was Head Boy yet, she hoped it was Zachary Anson from Ravenclaw. Lily secretly thought that he seemed to deserve it.

The compartment door opened and to Lily’s surprise, James Potter stepped in.

“What are you doing here, Potter?” Lily asked as the other Prefects filed in behind him.

She looked down at his chest and saw the Head Boy badge pinned to his robes. Lily rolled her eyes, “Good one, Potter. Now give it back to the real Head Boy. I know you nicked it.”

“Oh, really, Evans? Then why did this come with the owl?” Potter smirked and unrolled a piece of parchment loudly and proudly in her face. She read it aloud, “

Dear Mister James Potter,

         We are pleased to inform you that you have been chosen as Head Boy in this academic year. Attached is your Head Boy badge and you have been granted permission to use the Heads’ room on the Seventh Floor and you own study in the Gryffindor Dormitories.

From,

Professor M. McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

“That’s right, people!” Potter beamed at the other prefects who were watching intently. “I, James Potter, am your Head Boy this year.” WHAT? Lily couldn’t believe it. James Potter as Head Boy? Impossible! He wasn’t even a prefect and he spent more time in detention than out!

“Thank you,” Lily cut in, “Now, duties. We haven’t completed our duty roster yet so Alice and the other old prefects, since you know what to do, go in alphabetical order and the others, you may go back to your compartments.”

“Wait, before you leave,” Potter said. “Remember to take your post of duty seriously. Report any rule-breakers, come to duty on time and check your house notice board for the roster in a week’s time. Now, you may go.” And the prefects filed out. Lily blinked, that went smoother than she expected and it was strange to see Potter giving orders. He did that quite well, Lily noted.

“So, shall we discuss dates for Hogsmeade Weekends, Miss Evans?” Potter sat down and pulled out a fresh piece of parchment.

“Oh, right,” Lily composed herself and focused. What was bothering her? It’s just the nerves, she told herself. It’s okay to be nervous as Head Girl.

“Hey, before we start, can we have a truce?” Potter suggested earnestly.

“Um, why?”

“Well, we aren’t going to work well for the student body if we’re always bickering, are we?” James Potter said. “Friends?” He held out his hand.

“More like working partners, only, Potter,” Lily shook his hand grimly, putting a lot of stress on the ‘only’.

Potter shrugged, “Brilliant. And can you stop calling me Potter?”

“Again, why?” Lily sighed. These requests were getting ridiculous.

“It’s my name, Lily,” Potter said softly. Lily was stunned for a moment, what on Earth did that mean? Then the silence was broken by the familiar Trolley Lady, “Anything from the trolley, dears?”

“Yes, please,” Potter turned to her. “Three Sugar Quills.” He handed her the money and took the silver sweets from the trolley.

“Three?” Lily asked. “I didn’t know you even liked Sugar Quills, James Potter.”

Potter shook his head, “Two’s for you, I know how much you love them, Lily.” And he gave two of the sugary sweets to her and he started to eat the remaining one. Lily still sat there, holding the candy, staring at James Potter. What had happened?

“Well, he is an okay Head Boy,” Lily stated. "Except he's missing meetings because of Quidditch. But boyfriend? Not sure.”

  

“Whatever you say, Lils but James Potter really is something,” Amy sighed and fell quiet as they stepped into the library. There were only two seats left at the tables. One was next to Jasmine and one was directly opposite of James Potter. Lily started to walk to Jasmine but Amy blocked her way.

“No, no, no, Lily,” Amy whispered. “That’s were you sit.” She jerked her head to Potter and practically jogged to Jasmine’s table before Lily could protest. Lily sighed and forced herself to walk over to Potter’s table. He looked up as she laid her things down. Lily caught a glimpse of his hazel eyes, she remembered that night when they had curled up on the armchair, his eyes reflecting the glowing embers. Lily had never seen such beautiful eyes before.

Stop it, Lily Evans! Lily was annoyed at herself, you are at a library to do that silly Charms essay, not to gape at Potter! She nodded at him and sat down.

She opened a fresh roll of parchment, flipped open her textbook and dipped her quill into her pot of ink.

Okay, she said to herself, all you have to do is to find out about Protection Spells’ functions and weaknesses. She read the textbook over and over again but it made no sense. And why is that, Lily? Because you were distracted in Charms today, Evans. She told herself angrily and her mind automatically replayed the lesson again…

“Now, Protection Spells are very simple,” squeaked Professor Flitwick. Lily frowned, Potter and the other “Mauderers” were sitting right in front of her, their shoulders were much broader now and taller. Especially Potter’s, who had been chosen as Quidditch captain and was vigorously training up his team each week, so Lily could not see the board and the only thing she could see, was James Potter.

Shouldn’t tall and good-looking boys be sitting at the back?

His black hair was still unruly, his jaw had squared, losing his childish looks and but his eyes stayed the same. What particularly annoyed Lily were those two top loose buttons. Potter never seemed to be buttoning them up, exposing his well-muscled chest and Lily couldn’t stop staring at him. No, stop it. She was not going to like Potter, she had only let him curl up on the armchair with her last year because she wanted Potter to apologize, nothing more!

And that was why Lily didn’t even have a foggiest idea about Protection Spells. 

Her eyes darted over to Potter’s parchment, it was for Charms and it was blank as well. He was tapping his quill to his chin, sighing thoughtfully. She also noticed his two top buttons were still apart, making her heart race.

 James Potter really is something, Amy’s words twirled around in Lily’s head. Just do your essay, Evans! Lily snapped at herself.

Then after 10 fruitless minutes, Lily said, “I’m going to go get a book.”

“This is a library, Evans,” Potter said quietly, looking up at her. “Of course you’re going to get a book.” Lily’s face grew warm. Well, that was stupid.

“Yeah, I am,” was all she could manage before speeding down the bookshelves to the Charms section.

James exhaled after Lily had walked briskly away. He didn’t know what exactly was happening to him, he had done whatever he thought would attract Lily Evans but he seemed to be making no progress. Shut up, me. He thought. I need to work on my Charms. But he had spent the whole period passing notes between Padfoot, Wormtail and Moony. It was the only subject they shared. What made things worse was that Lily Evans, of all girls, was sitting behind him and he was sure she was staring at him for the whole time. Now, she was sitting at the same table while he was struggling! James couldn’t ignore those pools of jade and that waterfall of red. Besides, she was the sweetest girl he had ever met. He sighed and got up to get a book.

Lily Evans disliked the Charms section in the library, since Charms covered numerous things, the bookshelves were bulging and were uncomfortably close together, making her feel claustrophobic. She found the book at the end of the aisle she wanted and turned around, bumping into James Potter, his exposed chest closer than ever. Lily just hoped her jaw didn’t drop all the way down.

“Sorry,” they murmured at the same time. There was an uncomfortable silence until Potter said, “Could we share that book?”

“Why?”

“There’s none left.”

“So? Get your own?” Lily had no idea why she was being so short all of a sudden.

“We share a table, Evans,” and Lily’s vision was filled with his sparkling hazel eyes.

“Well, I’m going back to the common room,” Lily said.

“With all those snot nosed First Years around? I find them highly distracting to do a Charms essay,” Potter gave her a playful smirk. Lily suddenly found herself gasping for air.

“Are you okay, Lily?” Potter leaned down to place his hand on her forehead. Okay, maybe he is nice, Lily thought.

“Is everything okay?” Potter asked. “Anything wrong?”

“Anything wrong?” Lily said a little too sharply. “It’s your two silly little buttons, they keep distracting me! For goodness sake, just keep them together!” She grabbed his collars, she suddenly noticed how close they were, their chests were almost touching. She meant to help him button up when Lily grabbed his shirt, but her mind sort of backfired and she found herself zooming at his lips until they were pressed together. She could feel James Potter chuckling silently as they kissed. How unromantic, Lily thought, but that doesn’t matter.

She felt Potter’s arms wrap around her waist and pulled her off the wooden floor, pressing harder to her and Lily locked her arms around James’s neck.

James Potter was smiling widely and said, “Let’s go finish that essay, shall we?”

“What are you grinning ‘bout, Prongs?” Padfoot asked playfully when James returned to his dorm.

“I smell thy fair maiden, Lily Evans,” Moony said, with his nose high in the air, making sniffing sounds.

“Moony, cut it out,” James smiled. Moony snorted, “Come on, tell us! Was it really Evans?”

“Yeah,” James said, grinning dreamily more than ever. “She…uh…erm…kind of…” James cleared his throat; it was slightly hard to get the words out.

“Wait, don’t tell me. You snogged?” Moony gasped. James stared at Moony, where did he come up with that? But he was right, after all. James nodded his head slowly, he felt his face warming up.

“Oooooooh,” Padfoot said slyly.

“How did it go?” Wormy asked anxiously.

“I don’t know,” James furrowed his eyebrows. “One moment she was fussing over my shirt then she just…kissed me. It was so weird.”

“Weird’s a good sign mate,” Moony advised. “Hogsmeade weekend’s tomorrow, ask her out!”