“Speaking of Sirius,” Amy continued, catching my eye as she turned towards Mary. “Are you going with him to Slughorn’s Christmas party on Friday?”
Mary’s face dropped immediately and I instantly regretted Amy asking.
“No,” she said stiffly, holding her hands over the fire, her vivid blue eyes tight. “He’s going with Marlene McKinnon.”
“I thought she was dating Michael Holmes?” Amy said, flipping through the Christmas special of Witch Weekly.
“Nope,” Mary said, popping the ‘p’ sharply.
“So…” I said tentatively. “Has anyone asked you then?”
“Danny Fuller did,” Mary muttered and Amy perked right up at that. “I said I’d think about it.”
“But you have to say yes,” Amy said, tugging on Mary’s sleeve. “Danny’s like, one of the best looking blokes in our year.”
Mary shrugged, keeping her eyes on the fire.
“Mares, I think you should go with him,” I said quietly, tilting my head to catch her eye.
Mary let out a deep sigh, keeping her face impassive as if she didn’t even register what I’d said.
“We’ll see,” she said shortly and Anna gave me an exasperated look that said ‘You know she’s acting like that because she doesn’t want to hurt Sirius’.
Mares stood up, rubbing her hands together in frustration.
“Come on, I’m exhausted,” she muttered. “Let’s go to bed.”
Amy and I gathered our things quickly and followed her back up to the dorm.
“Who are you going with, Lily?” Amy asked lightly as we pulled open the door.
“I’m going with Severus, you know that,” I answered as we walked into our bedroom.
“Oh, I didn’t realize it was official,” Amy said. “Didn’t you want to bring someone as a date? You had fun with Amos didn’t you?”
I let out a laugh. “Fun is one way to describe that night. But I’m kind of over the whole dating thing… I just can’t handle it right now.”
“I’m sorry,” Amy said quickly, her hazel eyes wide. “I’m not meaning to push dating on you.”
“Stop apologizing, Ames,” I let out a small laugh. “You weren’t pushing it on me. I know you just want me to be happy. And I will be happy, going with Severus. I think I’ll have more fun with just a friend.”
“I think it’s nice you’re going with him,” Mary spoke up and I almost tripped over my feet.
“You do?” I stuttered, quickly finding my footing.
“Yes,” Mary said firmly. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not quite ok with him calling you a… a… well, you know. But you and he are friends, and you obviously have a history and a connection.”
“Erm… thank you, Mares,” I said awkwardly as Amy shot me a confused look behind her back.
“I’m just…” Mary flopped onto the window seat and gazed sadly at the snow-covered grounds as Amy and I turned to face her. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of a bitch about him.”
“You haven’t been—“
“Yes, I have,” Mary said firmly, brushing her dark hair away from her face. “And I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk about him with us. He’s part of your life and an important part, at that. We’re your friends and you shouldn’t have to hide stuff from us.”
“Er…Thanks?” I said, still shocked as Mary rested the side of her head against the frosted window, clearly not wanting any more conversation. We exchanged on last stunned look, both of us knowing full well that Mary’s wasn’t really talking about Severus and I…
* * * *
I sat in the common room, glancing at the clock every couple minutes. We were going to be late. I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor, my arms crossed as I continued to wait.
I smoothed out my dark green dress and reached a hand up to make sure my hair was still secured in a low ponytail, swept off to one side. I glanced at the clock again. What was taking them so long?
“Aw, did your date stand you up, Evans?” A voice behind me made me jump and I spun around on the couch to see James Potter and Sirius Black descending the stairs, both of them sporting dress robes.
“No,” I sent him a simpering smile, and relaxed back into the couch. “I’m just waiting for Ames and Mares. Severus knows I’d hex his brains out if he ever stood me up.”
“You’re going with Snape?!” James blurted out, missing the last step of the stairs and stumbling slightly.
“Yes, do you have a problem with that?” I frowned at him, surprised at his outburst. We had gotten along so well the other night… where had that side of James gone? He had been so funny, our conversation had been effortless. I had even considered us to be friends now…
“Of course I have a problem with that!” James scoffed. “He’s a slimy git.”
“What exactly is your problem with him?” I hissed, shoving myself off the couch and marching up to him. Even in my heels, I was still shorter than him.
“Er… I’m going to go meet up with Marlene,” Sirius muttered, clearly not wanting to get into the middle of yet another spat between us.
“My problem?” James repeated, incredulously. “My problem?”
“Yes, your problem,” I said sharply, jabbing him in the chest with my finger. “You’ve had it in for him since first year and what’s he ever done to you?”
“What’s he done?” James repeated again and I let out a growl.
“Stop repeating what I say!” I shrieked. “You sound like a bloody parrot!”
“It’s not what he’s done, Evans,” James sneered at me and I cringed at the condescending way he spoke my name. “It’s what he is. He’s a Slytherin. And not just a Slytherin… he’s one of them.”
“You have got to get over your prejudice against Slytherins,” I huffed, taking a step away from him.
“It’s not a prejudice, it’s a fact,” James hissed angrily. “You don’t see it… what he is. All you see is the innocent little first year he used to be. You don’t see that the people he hangs around aren’t just bad influences… they’re bad people, Lily. They’re dark wizards. They practice dark magic. And you know what they think? That muggle-borns like you don’t even deserve to be here, that you should be put in your place—beneath them. It’s all about this pureblood nonsense. And they call me a blood traitor because I refuse to conform to their way of thinking. You’re a fool to think Snape is any different from them.”
“Severus doesn’t practice dark magic,” I argued, shaking my head. “You’re wrong about that. And I’m not a fool.”
“Oh yeah?” Potter scoffed, giving me an infuriatingly condescending look. “Why don’t you ask him where he goes every Thursday night. Ask him why he’s had more detentions than even I’ve had this year. You might be surprised—”
“Stop!” I shouted at him. “Just stop.”
“I’m just telling it like it is, Evans,” James answered coolly.
“Well, stop it!” I cried, walking away from him towards the girls’ dorm. “Just… stay away from me tonight.”
“Excuse me?” James snorted.
“I said stay away from me tonight!” I said again, my hands shaking as I grabbed onto the banister. “I’m going to the party with Severus and you can’t change that. I’m going to have a good time tonight and if you’re anywhere near me, that’s not going to happen. I don’t want to fight with you anymore, I’m sick of it!”
“Whatever you say, Evans,” James muttered, shaking his head as he turned around.
I let out a frustrated growl and stomped up the stairs to fetch Ames and Mary, just ready to get this night over with.
Out of all the slimy gits in the world, Lily had to go out with Snape. Snivelly Snape. An image of him appeared in my head. Long, greasy hair and that ridiculously long, hooked nose that was always sniffing around.
Moreover, he was a bloody Slytherin so-called ‘Death Eater’ with those other vermin. They bloody practiced Dark Magic! They hate Muggle-borns. They would even call their best friends a you-know-what!
To the hell with them and their prejudiced pureblood mania. It’s all bullocks.
And there’s something wrong about that Snivelly. I narrowed his eyes as I made my way down to the dungeons, not paying attention to whatever Carly was saying beside me. I was too busy brooding about Snivelly.
I had seen them greet each other every morning at breakfast. Snape’s face would shine like the sun whenever Lily addressed him. I had seen the way he looked at her. Like he was a starving man looking at a plate of hot food.
Snivelly wasn’t just Lily Evans’ best friend. He bloody liked her!
I snarled and Carly snapped her head around. “James? You alright?” Her musical voice cut into my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I replied hastily. “I’m okay.”
She laughed and pressed her lips to mine but from the corner of my eye, I could see Lily and Snivelly entering Slughorn’s office. They were laughing and talking like old times, before he had called her a…
He didn’t deserve Lily because Lily deserved the best. Snivelly was definitely not the best.
* * * *
Slughorn’s office had been completely transformed when we arrived. Shimmering gold curtains hung from the tall windows, lanterns speckled the walls giving the room a pleasant glow, there were even servers carrying trays of delicious looking food. Slughorn was busy introducing his guests of honor, a banshee-turned-singer Zabrina Klontz and the celebrated Seer, Flora Astor.
“Are you alright, Lily?” Severus asked me, adjusting his dress robes uncomfortably. “You seem kind of distracted tonight.”
“I’m fine,” I said sharply, folding my arms tightly across my chest.
“You don’t seem fine,” Severus muttered and I looked over at him. I still couldn’t get James’s words out of my head as much as I tried. I knew in my heart that Severus was a good person… but I also knew that for as many things as James Potter was—arrogant, condescending, stubborn— he wasn’t a liar.
But was he telling the truth about Severus? I knew the people he hung around with weren’t particularly good… but to accuse them of practicing dark magic? Or was he simply misinformed? Prejudiced?
“I hate gatherings like these,” Severus wrinkled his crooked nose, letting out a deep sigh. “I never know what to say, or do. All of these stuffy people we’re supposed to make connections with… I don’t even know why Slughorn invited me to this group in the first place.”
“It’s because you’re brilliant at Potions,” I said quietly, looking away from him. “He obviously thinks you’re going to make something of yourself… That you’ll become someone he can brag about at these parties in a few years.”
“So, no pressure or anything,” Severus gave me a tentative smile. I could tell he was trying to cheer me up, but my head was so full of James’s words that I couldn’t think straight. He just had to go and ruin this night for me. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone and let me have a good time?
I looked around the room, trying to find Mary and Ames but instead my eyes fell on James and Carly Carrington who were having a very intimate conversation in the corner.
Ever since the Marauders had pointed out how similar Carly was to me, it was all I could see when I looked at her. Just the very sight of her tonight even made me tense up.
If she was so similar to me, why wasn’t James tormenting her? Why could they get through the night without fighting? Why wasn’t he trying to embarrass her in front of all these people?
It was infuriating, to say the least. What was so wrong with us that we couldn’t even keep up the pretense of civility for more than a week? Or a few days, for that matter.
As if sensing my gaze, James’s eyes flicked away from Carly’s face and locked with mine. I held his gaze for a second, giving him my most defiant look as if I couldn’t care less what about him or his opinions on Severus.
But his face changed as he stared at me. A hint of regret flashed through his eyes, his features softening slightly.
It was like the room had suddenly closed in around us. I couldn’t breathe… I needed to get out of there. I was utterly confused at the look James was giving me and I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.
“Can we go?” I asked breathlessly, breaking eye contact with James and turning back to Severus.
“Go?” Severus repeated, glancing around. “Are you sure?”
“I’m not feeling well,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around my stomach. Why did that one little look from James affect me so much? What was he to me? He was nothing… just an annoying little pest who was constantly trying to bring me down.
So why couldn’t I get him out of my head? And why did I have this nagging feeling that not trusting him was a big mistake?
But how could I doubt Severus? He was one of my oldest friends…
I grabbed his hand, pushing all of these thoughts from my mind as we left Slughorn’s suffocating office. I breathed in deeply as Severus closed the door behind us, blocking out the loud music and the stuffy conversations.
“Lily, you’re starting to worry me,” Severus said, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m fine,” I muttered, taking a few steps down the hall before lowering myself onto a window ledge. “I just… needed to get out of there.”
“Did something happen with Mary and Amy? Did you guys have another fight or something?” Severus asked, concern lacing his low voice.
“No,” I shook my head. “It was Potter, actually. We had a huge row just before I met up with you.”
“Why do you even bother with him?” Severus growled, leaning against the wall next to me.
“Stop, please,” I said, resting my head in my hands. “I can’t stand this rivalry you two have going on anymore.”
“I’m not the one with the problem,” Severus growled. “He’s the one who struts around this castle, acting like he owns the place and hexing anyone who crosses his path!”
“Sev!” I cried, shoving myself off the window ledge. “Stop! I can’t talk about this right now!”
Slughorn’s office door was thrown open, making me jump slightly and I groaned loudly as Potter and Carly stepped out, hand in hand.
“Merlin, you could not have worse timing!” I burst, not even bothering to hide the frustration in my voice.
“Sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt your…err, conversation,” James’s eyes flit condescendingly towards Severus, sizing him up. “Though you might want to keep him away from the candles. All that grease in his hair might make him burst into flames.”
Severus snarled and whipped out his wand, but Potter was quicker, his wand already aimed square between Severus’s dark eyes.
“STOP!” I shrieked, jumping between them. Carly looked taken aback by the sudden turn of the conversation and I almost felt bad for her having to witness this. She probably had no idea of the extent of their hatred for each other.
I took a deep breath, both of my hands pushing against their chests to keep them at bay. James was glaring murderously at Severus who was seething from where he stood. I looked steadily between them, waiting for them to lower their wands.
“You can’t attack each other without going through me,” I said forcefully, staring at each of them furiously when neither of them budged.
You could have cut the tension in the air with a rusty spoon. Carly hovered behind James, wringing her hands as if she didn’t know what to do. I privately rolled my eyes at her. So Little Miss Perfect doesn’t know how to handle two boys with wands pointing at each others’ throats?
A sharp rapping on the window behind us disrupted the tense silence. I saw James’s eyes flit towards the window briefly but he brought them right back to Severus.
The tapping sounded again and my resolve wavered. I glanced over at the window and immediately broke my composure, seeing that my owl Marmalade was tapping his beak against the glass, a letter tied to his leg.
“For Godric’s sake, lower your wands,” I hissed, stepping out from between them and hurrying to the window. A blast of icy wind collided with me as I pushed the window open and grabbed Marmalade. He scrambled inside, sticking out his leg as soon as the window was safely closed.
I shot a quick look at James and Severus, whose stances had relaxed slightly as they watched me, before unrolling the parchment. It struck me as odd that Marmalade would deliver a letter to me now and not the following morning along with the rest of the post.
I glanced down and didn’t immediately recognize the writing, but the message made my heart stop:
Lily,
Dad’s in the hospital. Come home, please.
- Petunia
I reread the message, trying to make sense of it. I felt like Potter had put another disillusionment charm on me, the way icy dread flooded through me. My dad was in the hospital? And here I was mediating a fight between Severus and Potter.
Potter…
“Lily?” Severus asked hesitantly, lowering his wand completely now as he registered that something was very wrong.
“Is this your idea of a sick joke?” I burst unexpectedly, marching towards Potter and brandishing the letter in his face.
“I’m sorry, what?” James blinked, stunned at my outburst.
“Very funny, Potter,” I said quickly, my voice edging its way into hysteria. “I mean, I knew you had a problem with me being here with Severus, but really? I thought we were done with all the stupid games, the humiliation.”
“Lily, what in the bloody hell are you talking about?” James asked, taking a step away from me, looking slightly worried.
“It’s pretty clever, actually,” I sniffed, thrusting the letter into his hands. “Faking a letter from my sister, trying to get me to leave the castle. It’s a bit much if you ask me, but it would get me into trouble and it would get me away from him. You almost had me fooled, Potter—thinking you’d given up, thinking we had a truce…”
James dropped his eyes to the letter and I saw him blanch slightly.
“Lily,” he looked up at me, urgency written all over his face. “I didn’t write this. I didn’t even know you had a sister.”
I didn’t even blink as I stared at him. Of course he’d written it… he must have. If he didn’t, then that would mean my dad actually was in the hospital and that…well, that just couldn’t be true. It couldn’t.
“Lily, I think this is real,” James said quietly, handing me back the letter.
“No,” I insisted, shaking my head. “This is a joke. Tuney loathes me, she doesn’t want me to go back home.”
“Lily… I don’t think this is a joke,” Severus said quietly, tugging on my arm.
My breath caught in my chest and I weakly clutched at my heart, trying to stop its wild thumping. My dad was in the hospital.
Oh, dear Merlin, I can’t believe I thought it was a joke! Me and my stupid defense mechanisms.
Without saying a word to the others, I set off back towards Slughorn’s party, wrenching open the door. I heard them follow me with quick footsteps but I didn’t pay them any attention. I had to get home.
I spotted Professor McGonagall and Professor Slughorn having a conversation by the punch bowl and I hurried over to them.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt,” I said quickly, my hands shaking as I clutched the letter. “Professor, can I have a word?”
“Miss Evans,” McGonagall addressed me, her eyes roving quickly over me. “Is everything alright?”
“No,” I said unsteadily, my voice breaking slightly. “I’ve just got word from home that my dad’s in the hospital. They said for me to come home immediately if I can.”
I barely even noticed that Potter, Carly, and Severus had caught up with me and were now standing around me anxiously.
“Yes, of course,” McGonagall nodded curtly, a sense of urgency edging its way into her voice. “We’ll get a Portkey set up for you straight away. Follow me, please. Mister Potter, would you mind?”
“Not at all,” James barely hesitated.
“W-what?” I stuttered, my head snapping towards James and back to McGonagall. “Why d’you need him? I’m perfectly able to go by myself.”
“Miss Evans, you are in no condition to travel by yourself. I would feel much better if you had a companion,” McGonagall said shortly. “Besides, times aren’t as simple as they used to be. You can’t just wander away form the castle willy-nilly.”
“Why can’t I bring Severus?” I protested, looking frantically over at him.
“I’m afraid Mr. Snape has a detention with me tomorrow afternoon,” McGonagall supplied, looking genuinely sorry about it. She wasn’t exactly oblivious Potter’s opposition and mine. I ignored the told-you-so look James was giving me at the mention of Sev’s detention and looked around the room in a panic.
“What about Mary? Or Amy?” I asked quickly, craning my next as I searched for them.
“Miss Evans, I am under the impression that this is a rather urgent situation, is it not?” McGonagall said curtly, gesturing for us to follow her. “So unless you would like to be accompanied by Miss Carrington, Mister Potter will have to do.”
I shot Carly a horrified look that she returned and I turned hopelessly back to the professor who had her eyebrows raised at me.
“As I thought,” McGonagall sniffed, sweeping down the empty corridors.
“I’m sure Pot—James doesn’t want to spend the weekend at the hospital with me,” I called, running to keep up with Potter following behind. “He has Quidditch and homework and—“
“I don’t mind, Lily,” James said quietly and I glanced over at him, surprised to see a look of intense worry on his face. Godric, that boy’s mood swings were giving me a headache.
McGonagall brought us to her office and immediately grabbed an empty goblet off her desk, tapping it with her wand and looking up at me expectantly.
“You live in—?”
“York, Professor,” I offered quickly. “As long as you get me to the city, I can go from there.”
“I’ll send another Portkey along for your return tomorrow evening – make sure you don’t miss it,” Professor McGonagall informed us, handing me the goblet. Begrudgingly, I held out the goblet for Potter to take hold of as well.
“You both have your wands?” McGonagall asked brusquely and Potter and I both nodded. She gave us one last look and a curt nod. “Very well. Be careful. And please let me know when you’ve returned.”
I nodded, cringing slightly as James’s hand closed around mine on the stem of the goblet.
I took a deep breath and immediately felt something tug at my navel. Everything around me pressed in, like I was being squeezed through a tube that was too small. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pressing sensation to vanish.
My feet slammed into solid ground, my ankles buckling in my heeled shoes and I staggered forward. I felt a hand grip me tightly around the waist to keep me from falling and I opened my eyes to the bright city lights of York, James Potter at my side.
(James’s POV)
The cold December air was almost as brutal as our landing. I felt Lily stagger slightly next to me and instinctively I reached out to steady her. Looking around, I noticed that McGonagall had sent us to an alleyway just off of a main road.
Next to me, Lily straightened up having regained her balance. She noticed my arm around her waist and quickly shoved it off, marching off down the alley without a word to me.
Merlin, that girl could hold a grudge.
I hurried after her, trusting that she knew how to get us to the hospital on foot; I had never been to York before.
Lily paused at the end of the alleyway, looking up and down the street to get her bearings. A blast of icy wind met us as we emerged onto the street and I saw Lily wrap her arms around herself. She must be freezing in that dress…
I let out a deep irritated sigh, knowing that somehow my insane, manners-obsessed mother would know that I hadn’t offered my jacket to a girl in need. I quickly shook of my jacket and held it out to Lily begrudgingly. She glanced at the offered jacket then up at me, a small frown appearing on her already worried face.
“Thanks,” she finally sighed, and I had to bite back a smile. I half expected her to tell me where exactly I could stick that jacket, but she roughly shoved her arms into the sleeves and hugged it tightly around herself. She set off at a quick pace down the street and I followed her, neither of us speaking again.
The streets were busy tonight; it was Friday after all. The pubs were full and a roar of boisterous voices met us with each one we passed. What I wouldn’t give to be sneaking down the Hogsmeade for a drink with Sirius right now…
Why had I even agreed to come? I hadn’t even stopped to think when McGonagall suggested I accompany her. Why? I wasn’t particularly fond of Lily; in fact we had been screaming at each other just hours earlier… So why had I said yes? What obligation did I feel to her?
None, that’s what.
I continued to ponder my snap decision to come with Lily as she led me through the winding streets at a quick pace. I assumed she knew where she was going, though her path seemed rather haphazard to me. We finally came across another main road and I sighed in relief when I saw the large hospital just on the other side. Without my jacket I was starting to get a bit frozen and I longed for the warmth of the Gryffindor common room.
Lily hesitated just outside the door and I glanced over at her, impatient to get inside. Her jaw was clenched, but her vivid green eyes were anxious. She was pale—paler than usual—making her freckles even more pronounced on her face and I knew she must be immeasurably worried about her father.
But I was cold, damnit. Get over it already and open the door!
She exhaled slowly and I nearly ripped out my hair in frustration but before I could say anything she pushed open the door and marched up to the reception desk.
“I’m looking for my father,” Lily stated, coming to a halt in front of the receptionist who was filing her nails and reading a tabloid.
“Name?” The receptionist asked in a bored voice, her eyes not leaving the magazine.
“Thomas Evans,” she said sharply, her jaw clenching again. She was getting irritated, I could tell. She was using the same tone of voice that she used whenever she talked to me.
The receptionist finished filing her nail and then swung her chair around to the desk behind her where piles of clipboards were stacked precariously. She glanced through them, finally pulling one from the middle of the stack.
“And you are?” The receptionist turned back to Lily, her eyes sweeping over her appearance and her drawn-on eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch. The receptionist’s eyes flitted to me, lingering longer than they should have, before settling on Lily again.
“I’m his daughter,” Lily replied, taking a deep breath. I saw her hands clenching into fists at her side. “Can you just tell me what room he’s in?”
I held back a smirk, half amused at the receptionist’s obvious attempts to annoy Lily and half amused at the mental image I had of Lily hexing the living daylights out of her for it.
“He’s in room 419,” the receptionist told Lily slowly, irritation coloring her bored voice.
“Thank you,” Lily muttered and set off down the hall. “Bloody incompetent staff. My father could by dying and she just sits there filing her stupid, bloody nails and taking her own sweet time.”
“I’m sure he’s fine, Lily,” I said quietly, at a loss for anything else to reply.
We hurried up the stairs to the fourth floor and spotted a waiting room at the end of a long hall. There were several people sitting around and Lily seemed to recognize some of them.
“Mum,” she called, her voice breaking slightly as we entered the waiting room. A blond woman who had previously been staring out the window, biting her nails looked over at us and then jumped out of her seat.
“Lily! Oh my—I didn’t think you’d be able to come,” The woman (I assumed she was Lily’s mother) engulfed her in a hug. I saw Lily’s hands clutch her mother’s sweater, her eyes shut tight as she held on too long.
It was amazing how quickly Lily had gone from her usual irritated self to completely vulnerable. I had never seen her like this, clinging to someone so desperately, not even with her friends. She always seemed so… put together. It was almost unnerving to see her come undone like this.
I didn’t like it. It wasn't Lily.
“Thank goodness you’re here, sweetheart,” Lily’s mum said, rubbing her daughter’s back tenderly. “Petunia said she owled you back and we’re so lucky your last letter had just arrived. We didn’t know how else to contact you.”
The girl who had been sitting next to Lily’s mother looked up at their exchange, a mixed expression of annoyance and anxiety on her face. I guessed that this was Lily’s sister, Petunia. The two girls looked nothing alike and I wouldn’t have even known they were related. Petunia’s pale blond hair was cropped short, contrasting wildly with her younger sister’s long, untamed red hair. Her pointed face and her icy blue eyes swept over Lily, a hint of loathing flashing in them.
Lily let go of her mum and turned awkwardly to her sister, her fingers playing with the lace trim on her dress.
“Thanks for letting me know, Tuney,” Lily mumbled, her eyes fixed on the floor.
Seriously, were these two even sisters? They way they acted you’d never know it. It was like they had never even met before. And why did Petunia keep glaring at her like that?
“Your bloody owl nearly bit my fingers off,” Petunia sniffed, her eyes falling back down to the book in her hands.
My, what a pleasant girl. No wonder Lily never mentioned her.
"Where’s dad?” Lily asked tentatively, turning back towards her mother, whose eyes had been flitting suspiciously between me and the jacket draped around her daughter’s shoulders. “What happened?”
Her mother blinked and looked away from me back towards her daughter.
“They’re running some tests now… they think it might have been a heart attack,” Her mother said uncertainly, pulling Lily down into the chair next to her. Lily blanched at that, but didn’t say anything. I remained standing awkwardly in front of them all.
I felt like an intruder on this family crisis. Maybe I should go wait outside… but Lily still had my jacket…
“I don’t really know what happened,” Lily’s mum said quietly, shaking her head. “He was at work and apparently he just collapsed all of a sudden…”
“At the flower shop?” Lily asked but her mum shook her head.
“At the market,” Her mother said and Lily’s eyes flitted briefly to me, her cheeks turning faintly pink. “He’s been working too many hours, I tried to tell him that. But you know your father, he wouldn’t listen…”
Lily remained silent after that, her cheeks still stained pink at the mention of her father’s multiple jobs. Was she embarrassed?
Lily’s mother however turned her eyes back to me where I was still standing awkwardly with my hands shoved in my pockets.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” Lily’s mother stood up again and Lily jumped to her feet as well.
“I’m sorry,” Lily said quickly. “Mum, this is Pot—James. James, this is my mum.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Evans,” I said, reaching out a hand to shake hers.
“Call me Claire,” Lily’s mum said, grasping my hand firmly with both of hers. Her eyes were the exact same vivid green as Lily’s, and a few freckles dotted her otherwise creamy complexion.
“I’m so sorry, we didn’t mean to pull you from your…er, date,” Claire apologized awkwardly, her eyes sweeping over mine and Lily’s formal apparel and once again to my jacket on Lily.
“We weren’t on a date,” Lily snapped sharply and I had to stop myself from laughing. “We were just at a Christmas party one of our professors was holding. James is the other Gryffindor prefect – they just didn’t want me to come by myself.”
“Well, it was very nice of you to accompany Lily here,” Claire said sincerely, her eyes sweeping over me once more.
I gave her a small smile and took the seat next to Lily. We all sat in silence for a bit. Petunia was absorbed in her book, Claire had gone back to staring out the window and Lily and I sat awkwardly next to each other, not speaking.
Once or twice I saw her look over at me and her expression would harden before she turned away, sighing deeply and folding her arms tightly across her chest. Her emerald eyes would drift in and out of focus, sometimes darting to the clock. Her mouth was scrunched up into a thin line, just like facing an advanced question on an essay.
I could guess where her thoughts were. She was still mad at me from our fight earlier. I thought maybe she would have eased up a bit since I’d inexplicably given up my weekend to come with her. But apparently not.
Merlin’s beard, that girl was hard to please. What was I bloody supposed to do? Get down on my knees and beg for her forgiveness?
I glanced over at her again. She was tapping her foot sharply on the floor, her emerald eyes now fixed resolutely at the opposite wall. Her fiery red hair was tousled slightly from the wind and starting to escape from its side-swept ponytail.
If I had to be completely honest, she looked extraordinary tonight— the way her dark green dress complimented her pale skin so perfectly, the way her hair was pulled to the side and curling ever so slightly. She was truly beautiful, sitting there, lost in thought.
Beautiful, but that didn’t mean I liked her. She was still absolutely infuriating. I still couldn’t believe she had gone with Snape tonight. Snape, of all people! As annoying as Lily was, she shouldn’t have a friend like him. I knew the kind of filth he was… the kind of filth he and his Death Eater friends thought she was, just because of her blood. And yet she claimed he was different, that he didn’t feel that way about her, too.
How could she be so deluded into thinking he was any different from the rest? How could she believe him and not me? I had never actually lied to her before. Sure, I pranked her on a daily basis and got on her last nerve but I had never lied. I couldn’t lie to Lily Evans. There was just something in the way she looked at me that made it impossible… like she knew my every secret. Like she could see my every thought. And every time we had a row, she would know exactly how and what to set me off with those flashing green eyes.
Those damn eyes.
So why wouldn’t she trust me on this?
Honestly, how could one small girl be so bloody stubborn?
A doctor appeared in the waiting room interrupting my thoughts and Lily and her mother and sister jumped to their feet, awaiting any news about her dad.
I stayed in my seat, feeling like I didn’t belong in this conversation but I overheard the doctor confirm that he had had a heart attack but wouldn’t need surgery (whatever that was) and they’d be keeping him at the hospital through the weekend to stabilize him.
I saw Lily give an immense sigh of relief at the news and the doctor informed them that they could go in and see him now if they wished.
Lily glanced back at me and frowned slightly though it wasn’t a frown of dislike. Her mother and sister followed the doctor down the hall to Thomas Evans’s room and Lily paused, hesitating in front of me. It was like she didn’t know what to say to me, whether to invite me to come along or leave me sitting here on my own.
“You go on,” I pushed myself off the seat. It was amazing how even though she was wearing heels, I was still taller than her. “I’m going to go find something to eat.”
Lily nodded, a grateful look crossing her face as she turned without a word and followed her mother and sister.
I wandered down the halls for a while, looking for a vending machine or a café. But then I realized I didn’t even have any Muggle money on me (or any idea how to operate a vending machine for that matter) and I was sure there wouldn’t be a place to change my wizard money here.
I kept walking, at a loss of what else to do. I stopped suddenly when I came across an empty nurses station, a large machine resting against the wall with the words “COFFEE” stamped across the top.
It was an odd looking machine, big and square with a portion in the middle cut out where there were several buttons, a stack of cups, and a silver spout.
Coffee sounded immensely good at the moment but I was at a complete loss as to how this contraption worked. Muggle machines were so weird.
I cautiously approached the coffee machine and took a cup off the stack, placing it under the spout where several arrows pointed and a small sign indicated that I “place cup here”. Nothing happened when I placed the cup under the spout and I frowned. How was the coffee supposed to come out?
I prodded the cup slightly with my finger, becoming more baffled by the second. Only then did I notice the buttons above the spout reading “decaf” and “regular”.
I pressed the “regular” one and jumped back when coffee shot out of the spout with surprising force. The cup was nearly knocked over but I steadied it quickly while it filled.
The coffee kept spewing from the spout and it was getting dangerously close to the rim, showing no signs of stopping.
I quickly grabbed another cup from the stack and switched out the full one, but the coffee just kept coming.
“Stop,” I hissed frantically at the machine as I placed another empty cup under the spout. The machine didn’t comply and I glanced around, panicked for someone to help me with this infernal contraption.
Leave it to a Muggle coffee machine to be the downfall of James Potter.
“Stupid coffee robot,” I muttered irritably, switching out another full cup for an empty one so that I was balancing three cups of coffee in my arms.
“What on earth are you doing?” A voice behind me startled me but I let out a sigh when I realized it was Lily.
I spun towards the sound of her voice, three cups of coffee now balanced precariously in my arms.
“Help me!” I begged, hot coffee sloshing out of the cups and staining my white shirt. “It won’t stop!”
Lily bit her lip to stop herself from laughing as she took in the sight of me, but came quickly to my aid.
She gave me a haughty smile, maintaining amused eye contact with me as she reached out and simply pressed the “regular” button again above the spout. The coffee dribbled to a stop immediately and I mentally kicked myself for not having thought of that myself.
“Er… I got you some coffee,” I said awkwardly, holding out one of the cups to her.
A small giggle burst from Lily’s lips, but she didn’t take the offered cup.
“You haven’t put another obedience potion in there, have you?” she asked, her voice shaking with laughter still. She definitely seemed in a better mood after having seen her father… hopefully it would last, but somehow I highly doubted it. That girl had more mood swings than a pregnant hippogriff.
“No, I haven’t. I promise,” I sighed, offering her one of the cups again which she stared at suspiciously, her lips still curved up in a smile. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Not as far as I can throw you,” Lily said, rolling her eyes at me. “My trust is something you have to earn, Potter. It’s not just something you get.”
“Ah, come on. I’ve been getting better, haven’t I?” I flashed her a charming smile.
“Well, if you don’t count trying to get me into detention on numerous occasions, insulting my friends, arguing with me every chance you get, and drugging me up,” a smile fought against Lily’s lips, “then yes, you have been getting better.”
“Alright, alright, will you just take the bloody coffee already? I think I’m getting third degree burns here,” I said, holding out the coffee for Lily again.
She took it reluctantly, bringing the cup to her face and inhaling the scent. She closed her eyes as she breathed in deeply and for the second time tonight I was struck by how beautiful she looked, doing something as simple (and strange) as smelling coffee.
“I love the smell of coffee, don’t you?” She said quietly, as I set the remaining cups down on the counter and dabbed at my shirt with a napkin. “There’s something really comforting about it. It smells like home. And winter.”
I glanced up at her as she took a drink. Sometime between when we left Hogwarts and now Lily had completely let her guard down around me. I had never seen her be more natural than she was right now. She wasn’t yelling at me, she wasn’t carefully thinking over everything she said, she wasn’t trying to impress professors… It was refreshing.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice suddenly somber as she traced her finger around the rim of her cup. “For everything… you know, coming with me here.”
“It’s nothing,” I shrugged, though she and I both knew that it wasn’t. “Is… is your dad ok?”
Her eyes flitted up to me briefly before she turned and walked back down the hall towards her father’s room.
“He’ll be fine,” she answered with another deep sigh as I followed her. “It was only a minor heart attack, but a heart attack all the same. He won’t be able to work for a while, and when he does he’ll have to take it easy. But he’ll be alright and that’s all that matters…”
“That’s good,” I muttered and Lily gave me a questioning look. “Not that he won’t be able to work, I didn’t mean—I just, its good that he’s alright,” I finished lamely and mentally kicked myself. Why did I have no control over my mouth when I talked to Lily?
Lily let out another small giggle, a knowing look flashing behind her eyes that I didn’t understand.
Lily’s mum emerged from her dad’s room and hurried over when she spotted us.
“Your dad’s asleep now,” Claire said, tucking a loose strand of Lily’s hair behind her ear. “You two can head home if you want. I’m going to stay the night. Tuney’s going to stop at Vernon’s but she’ll be home shortly.”
“Great,” Lily muttered and her mother sent her a scolding look. “You sure you don’t want us to stay?”
“No, no,” Claire said quickly. “You go on, you must be exhausted. Dad’ll be asleep for a while, I expect. I’ll be home in the morning to run the shop.”
“Don’t be stupid, mum,” it was Lily’s turn to scold now. “Stay here with Dad. I can take care of the shop tomorrow.”
I didn’t know what “shop” they were talking about, but whatever it was, it definitely beat burying myself under books in the library to catch up on homework.
“Do you want some money for a cab?” Claire asked, quickly reaching for her purse. “I think I have a few—“
“No,” Lily said quickly, her eyes flitting briefly to me, a blush rising in her cheeks again. “We can walk, it’s not that far.”
Claire frowned but it seemed that she knew better than to argue with Lily.
“Well, alright,” she finally sighed, reaching into her pocket. “Here are the keys, make sure to—“
“Lock up behind me, I know,” Lily took the keys and her mother frowned slightly at her interruption.
“Do you interrupt your professors like that?” Claire asked, giving Lily a stern look. Merlin, it was scary how alike those two looked aside from the hair. I had seen Lily give me that look so many times…
“Of course not, mum,” Lily said absently, averting her eyes as she shoved the keys into the pocket of my jacket that she was still wearing.
I tried to stifle my laugh, but it ended up sounding like I was choking.
Claire and Lily both turned their haunting green eyes on me and I quickly cleared my throat. Excellent, a double dose of being seen through.
“No, Lily’s always very… er, polite and pleasant,” I said quickly and Claire seemed satisfied though Lily gave me a nasty look.
“Right,” Lily said curtly, turning away from me. “Keep me posted on dad. I’ll drop by tomorrow.”
Lily gave her mum a quick kiss on the cheek and then turned and stalked past me down the hall. So much for her good mood…
I watched her go for a second and then turned back to Lily’s mother, unsure of what to say.
“Er… she really is a pleasant girl when we’re at school,” I shrugged and Claire’s mouth twitched in a knowing smile.
“It was nice meeting you, James,” Claire smiled at me. “Thank you so much for accompanying Lily here. It means a lot to us.”
“It was nothing,” I insisted and Claire nodded. “Er… have a good night.”
I turned and followed Lily out of the hospital.
Have a good night? I’m a bloody idiot. Claire would be spending the night in the hospital with her husband who had just had a heart attack and I told her to have a good night?
The entire Evans family induces word vomit apparently.
I caught up quickly with Lily who was waiting just outside the front door for me. When she saw me she turned quickly and marched down the street in a different direction than we had come.
I jogged to keep up with her.
“So are we going to your house now?” I asked, trying to picture what the Evans household would look like.
“Yes, of course,” Lily said stiffly. “Where else would we go?”
Oy, she was mad again. But she had been fine when I got her coffee… I wonder what set her off again. Girls are bloody confusing.
“Does this mean I get to see your bedroom?” I asked, grinning. I was trying desperately to ease the tension. Usually a cheeky comment from me softened her up a bit. Or set her off on another tirade, but she’d changed so much lately that I hoped it was the former. Honestly, either would be better than this stony silence.
Lily stopped walking and glanced over at me, her eyes growing wide with realization.
“Yeah, I suppose you will,” She answered quietly and her eyes focused on something beyond me, lost again in her thoughts.
“Do I get to sleep in your room too?” I asked, nudging her playfully in the side. “Or are you going to make me sleep on the couch like a dog.”
“Actually, I was thinking the front steps,” Lily replied, a hint of a smile appearing on her face but it disappeared quickly and she regained that lost, sad look.
What in Merlin’s name was she thinking about? Sometimes I wished I could be a Legilimens so I could read her thoughts… she got that lost look so often at school and it always drove me crazy.
Lily didn’t say anything after that and we walked in silence for a bit, the scraping of her heels on the stone streets the only sound that followed us.
I opened my mouth to say something but Lily stopped suddenly, doubling over and clutching the rail of the bridge we were crossing.
“Are you alright?” I asked quickly, bending over her.
“It’s these bloody shoes,” Lily hissed, her free hand grabbing at the strappy heel and pulling it off. It clattered to the ground and Lily quickly freed her other foot so that she was standing barefoot.
“Won’t your feet be cold?” I asked, shivering at the thought of walking on the cold stones barefoot.
“They already are,” Lily straightened up, snatching her shoes and setting off across the bridge. “It’s kind of freeing actually. You should try it.”
“Me?” I laughed as Lily turned us down a street that ran along the river we had just crossed. The street was lined with shops on one side and little stone benches dotted the walkway by the river. “I’d look ridiculous if I took my shoes off.”
“And I don’t?” Lily raised her eyebrows at me. “You need to loosen up, Potter. Have a little fun?”
Lily flashed a mocking smile at me and I rolled my eyes at the way she had turned my words from the beginning of the year around on me.
“Fun or not, I don’t want my feet to get frostbitten,” I said reasonably and Lily just smirked— that damn smirk that drove me insane.
Lily stopped abruptly and I nearly ran into her, but I caught myself quickly. She had turned towards the shops and was fiddling with the keys in my jacket pocket.
“Erm… well, this is it,” Lily said uncertainly, gazing up at the building. I followed her gaze and took in the sight of the tall, brick building. It was an old building, that much was obvious and the floors above the shop were stacked precariously, much like all of the other shops on the strip.
“You live in a flower shop?” I asked tentatively as Lily unlocked the door and pushed it open.
“Upstairs,” Lily said quietly and I almost didn’t hear her.
The shop was dark and I could see the silhouettes of hundreds of flowers and bouquets rising up from the floor.
“Come on,” Lily said, grabbing my hand and leading me through the maze of flowers towards the back of the store. I was amazed that even though we’d been outside in the cold for the past half hour, her small hand was surprisingly warm as it pulled me though the shop. Lily had never willingly touched me before and I was surprised by the sensation that accompanied it, though maybe that was only because I wasn’t expecting the contact.
That had to be it, because I still didn’t like her. Not like that.
She led me up a flight of stairs into a rather small living room, a kitchen visible around the corner and a hall leading to the bedrooms. It seemed like rather a small flat for four people, but I kept my thoughts to myself, not wanting to embarrass Lily by mentioning it.
“So… this is our flat,” Lily wrinkled her nose at the shabby appearance of her living room. The wooden floors were scuffed and paint was chipping on some parts of the wall. A few photographs were hung in simple frames depicting Lily and Petunia when they were younger. In the corner was a series of pencil lines etched into the wall indicating how the girls had grown each year. Lily caught me staring at the photos and followed my gaze, “Yeah, that’s us.” The sad look in her eyes seemed to spread to her face, down her arm and into her hand where her grip loosened and drooped.
It was seriously unnerving to see Lily Evans like this. She was just nothing but sadness. She was letting down her guard by a lot yet she was ridiculously secretive.
“Er… come on, I’ll show you to my room,” Lily mumbled awkwardly and she headed down the hall. I expected her to turn into one of the two bedrooms situated there but she led me straight into the open linen closet where a ladder was stuffed awkwardly into the space. I glanced up, seeing a square hole in the ceiling where the ladder led.
“You go first, I’m wearing a dress,” Lily stated, gesturing to the ladder.
“Ah, come on, don’t you trust me yet?” I flashed her my most charming smile but she just glared at me, crossing her arms. “Right… fine, I’ll go first.”
The room was dark when I emerged and I squinted, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I heard Lily ascend the ladder behind me and then the room was quickly filled with light as she flipped on a switch.
The room was quite large, though the ceiling slanted down on both sides. Every inch of the walls was covered with hundreds upon hundreds of squares of wallpaper, each of them different. It gave the large room a cozy feel, though it was sparse in terms of furniture. I saw Lily’s bed shoved against the wall by the window overlooking the river with a shabby dresser next to it. A vanity mirror and desk rested against the other wall and an old shaggy rug filled up the center of the room.
“I know it’s not very nice looking,” Lily said quickly, glancing over at me nervously. “Nowhere near as nice as where you live, probably, but I—“
“Stop,” I shook my head, silencing her with a quick look. “I think it’s brilliant.”
“You don’t have to say that,” Lily said quietly, walking over to her dresser and pulling open the top drawer.
I sauntered around her room, gazing at the different patterns of wallpapers. I had never seen anything like it before… it was utterly unique. It was so Lily.
My eyes rested on her bed in the corner and a grin spread across my face.
“So are we going to be sharing that bed tonight?” I asked and Lily scowled at me, pulling some clothes out of her drawer.
“Don’t get any bright ideas, Potter,” Lily huffed, spinning around to face me. She marched past me towards her ladder and then turned to glare at me. “I’m going to change real quick and try and find something for you to sleep on. Please just… try not to break anything, will you?”
I gave her my best angelic smile and she rolled her eyes before disappearing down the ladder.
As soon as she was out of sight, I turned back towards her room, a mischievous grin spreading across my face.
As much as I wanted Lily to trust me, I couldn’t just ignore the fact that I was alone in her bedroom. So there was really only one thing left to decide…
Do I start with her underwear drawer? Or her diary?
My eyes landed on the shabby desk in the corner of Lily’s room. The top was littered with papers, several of the drawers crammed so tightly that they wouldn’t even close.
Glancing quickly at the ladder to the downstairs to make sure Lily wasn’t about to come up and walked over the desk, picking up a few of the papers. The one on top was a letter from Mary McDonald and I quickly skimmed though it, Alex Johnson’s name catching my attention:
“I know you’re still upset about what happened with Alex and I wish I could say something, anything to make you feel better. Just say the word and I will hex his brains out, I don’t care how illegal it is. I guess you’re probably tired of talking about him, so I promise I won’t mention it again. I just… I hope you’re doing all right. Don’t take what he said too personally...”
I reread that part again, frowning slightly. Sirius told me that Alex dumped Lily because he thought she studied too much, that she was too smart. But it just didn’t make sense to me… We all said that to her regularly and it never phased her. Of course she yelled at us, but it never seemed to actually bother her that we said it. She always seemed to pride herself on her intelligence.
So why did she get so upset when Alex said it? I mean, I know it’s different when you’re romantically involved with someone, but shouldn’t she have gotten over it by now?
Unless she had actually fallen in love with him, but that just didn’t seem right… Lily Evans wasn’t the kind of girl to fall in love with any one. She was much too logical for love.
There must be something else…
I glanced through the rest of her letters, all of them saying basically the same thing, though Amy Bones’ letters were a bit more tender and less blunt than Mary’s.
Something moving out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I glanced down towards the bin next to Lily’s desk to see a magical photograph of her flitting in and out of sight behind some other bits of crumpled parchment.
I reached down and pulled the photo out of the bin to get a better look. The picture had been ripped down the middle. Lily was smiling up at me, her green eyes positively glowing with happiness as an arm reached around from the missing half and pulling her close. A pair of lips appeared at the tear, kissing her on the forehead as she laughed.
I reached into the bin, pulling out the other half of the photo that had captured Alex Johnson hugging Lily and kissing her lovingly. An inexplicable urge to punch Alex came over me as I put the two halves together and watched as Alex pulled her close and kissed her. In the picture, it didn’t look like Alex thought she was too smart. It looked like he positively adored her.
When Mary and Amy told my friends about what happened, they said Alex had tried to get back together with her at the beginning of the year. He said it was because he had been stressed with exams that things ended so badly.
But if her being too smart was his reason, how had he ended up hurting her so badly that she wouldn’t even talk about it?
Something glinting out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I looked away from the photograph to find a thin chain hanging out of one of the drawers. I tentatively opened the drawer and pulled out what turned out to be a necklace, a small charm dangling off the end. The charm was a small brass owl with big eyes staring up at me from my palm.
A small piece of paper fell out of the drawer along with the necklace and I picked it up intending on putting it back in the drawer when writing caught my eye. With a quick glance at the door, I turned the paper over so I could read it.
Lily,
Saw this in Hogsmeade last weekend and I know how much you love owls so I thought you’d like it. I would have given it to you at breakfast but seeing as you still don’t want anyone to know about us… well, anyways I hope you like it.
Love,
Alex
I stared down at the necklace again, turning it over in my fingers, letting the note fall back into the open drawer. I picked up the two halves of the photograph depicting Lily and Alex embracing each other again. Her whole relationship with Alex was becoming more and more of a mystery to me. Why hadn’t she wanted people to know about it? If Alex had been buying her presents why had he broken up with her? It can’t have just been the ‘too smart’ comment…
“What the hell are you doing?” Lily’s voice behind me made me jump and I spun around to find her glaring angrily at me from her “door”. She had changed out of her dress into a pair of green flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt. Her hair was no longer pulled off the side but instead it cascaded in loose curls over her shoulders.
I quickly dropped the photo back into the bin and shoved the necklace in my pocket but Lily was already storming over to me. She spotted the photo falling from my hands and her jaw clenched angrily.
“Were you going through my stuff?” She demanded, shoving me roughly away from her desk.
“No, I just… the movement from that photo in your bin caught my attention,” I tried to explain hurriedly but her expression only hardened.
“So you went through my drawers?” Lily huffed, her penetrating eyes focusing sharply on my guilty face. “How do you expect me to trust you when I can’t even leave you alone for five minutes in my room without you sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong!”
“I wasn’t—“
“You can’t even deny it, Potter,” Lily spat, gathering the letters on her desk and shoving them hastily into the open drawer.
“It was just a bloody photo!” I threw my arms up in the air, taking a few steps away from her. “It’s not like I was reading your diary.”
“Yeah, well that was probably next on your list,” Lily hissed. “What, already gone through my knickers drawer? Can’t you just go one day without trying to get some dirt on me? I’m getting so tired of this game!”
“I’m not playing games with you!” I replied angrily, running my hands through my hair, wondering desperately how this had turned into a fight between us. “Will you stop trying to make me into the bad guy all the time?”
“I don’t have to try, Potter. You are a bad guy,” Lily growled at me, fury lacing her voice. “Why else would you have come tonight? It certainly wasn’t out of concern for me, because you couldn’t care less about me. No, you saw a chance to humiliate me one more time, and you bloody jumped at it!”
Lily shoved herself away from her desk and stalked past me, stopping in the middle of the room and spreading her arms out wide.
“So go ahead, Potter,” Lily said, her voice rising dangerously. “Go and tell everyone that I live in a shit flat and that my dad has to work two jobs just to pay for my tuition. Tell them how I live in an attic because my own sister hates me and can’t even stand to be in the same room as me. Tell them how the only guy who was ever willing to date me dumped me because apparently I wasn’t fucking good enough for him.”
“You think I came here to humiliate you?” I repeated in disbelief, completely stunned by her outburst. And what was it about her not being good enough for Johnson to date her? Lily was the best! But that was for later…
“I know you did!” Lily shrieked at me. “You think I don’t know? I’m not stupid, Potter. I know that I’m just some challenge to you… you can’t stand it that I’m smarter than you or that I’m the only girl who doesn’t fall at your feet. I know you just want to humiliate me like I humiliate you every time I reject you. Well congratulations, I’m humiliated. You win.” I couldn't believe what she was bloody talking about.
“Will you just shut the hell up?!” I roared at her and she fell silent, a look of shock on her face at my outburst.
“Excuse me?” Lily asked quietly, her green eyes wide.
“Just stop, alright?” I said forcefully and Lily flinched at the anger in my voice. She looked so incredibly small in her pajamas, shrinking towards her bed away from me, but I was too pissed to care. “I’m not fucking around here! How could you even think that after everything that’s happened tonight? Did you ever think that maybe I feel bad about all those times I’ve humiliated you? Maybe I feel bad for all the stupid things I’ve said to you. Maybe I thought that I could make it up to you by coming with you tonight because believe it or not, I actually do care about you—”
I stopped talking abruptly as I realized that what I’d just said. Lily stared at me, her face frozen in a shocked expression at my words. I couldn’t believe I just said I cared about her… what’s worse was that deep down I knew I wasn’t lying.
After all, I’d never been able to lie to Lily Evans.
Ice ran through my veins as her emerald eyes studied me. I couldn’t help feeling like my every thought was being examined by her and she thoroughly understood them. It was driving me up the damned wall.
“You know what? Forget it,” I muttered when she remained silent, still staring at me with those damn green eyes. “I don’t know why I even bothered. I’ll just go. You obviously don’t want me to be here anyways since I’m just the bad guy.”
Lily blinked, still not saying a word and I felt more and more stupid by the second. I quickly grabbed my jacket off her bed and lowered myself down the ladder, just wanting to get as far away from her as possible.
I hurried down the stairs and through the flower shop, mentally kicking myself for that particularly embarrassing bout of word-vomit. I couldn’t believe I told her I cared about her. I didn’t even mean it in a romantic way… right?
No, of course not. I liked Carly. Not Lily. I cared about her as a friend (if you could even call us friends). That’s it. Nothing more. End of story.
I closed the door to the flower shop behind me and the cold December wind hit me hard. I quickly put on my jacket and stared up and down the unfamiliar street.
I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do now. I couldn’t go back in and face her after that; I was too embarrassed. But where else was I going to go? I couldn’t do magic and I didn’t have my broomstick.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and my fingers closed around the necklace I’d hastily dropped in there earlier. Damn, I’d have to return that eventually… maybe she wouldn’t even miss it.
I was just contemplating calling for the Knight Bus when I heard a tinkle of a small bell behind me and the creak of a door opening.
“James?” I heard Lily’s tentative voice say from the door.
I didn’t respond, worried she would ask me about the whole “caring about you” thing. I just stared ahead at the river.
“James…” Lily said again, her voice softening. “Please… come back inside.”
“Why?” I muttered, my head throbbing with all the thoughts running through it. I was still furious that she had thought I was just trying to humiliate her. Did she really have so little faith in me?
“I’m sorry,” Lily said quietly.
“What?” I turned around to face her. The last thing I had expected her to do right now was apologize. Make fun of me? Yes. Yell at me some more? Yes. But apologize? Not in a million years.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated slowly as she walked up to me and I stared down at her in disbelief. All of the anger was gone from her face and she looked truly apologetic.
“Whatever,” I brushed it off, trying to play it off like it was no big deal, but we both knew differently. I turned away from her back towards the street. “Look, I gotta catch the Knight Bus. You might want to stand back.”
“James, please,” Lily pleaded from behind me and I felt her small hand close around my arm, pulling me around to face her. “Just… please, don’t go.”
“Why?” I shrugged my arm from her hand, not even able to hide the frustration in my voice.
“Because I want you to stay,” Lily insisted, her emerald eyes locking on mine. “Please James, just stay… I can’t bear to be alone tonight, not after everything that’s happened.”
I hesitated, staring down at her. She was trembling and it wasn’t from the cold. I could hear her ragged breathing like she had just run a mile. Her eyes glistened in the moonlight and it looked like she was on the verge of tears. Merlin, I didn’t want to make her cry. Out of all the things that had happened to tonight, I didn’t want me leaving her alone to be the thing that broke her.
It was unbelievable, the effect she had on me. Any other random person, I could have easily walked away from. But this girl, who had insulted me in every possible way tonight had me standing here worrying about making her cry…
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, knowing that I would end up doing the right thing, even though what I wanted most of all was just to get far, far away from her.
“Alright,” I caved in, and Lily tugged on my jacket pulling me back inside. I followed her reluctantly back up the stairs to her flat, mentally kicking myself for having no spine.
Lily paused as we emerged into the living room and turned slowly around to face me, her fingers twisting together anxiously in front of her.
“Look, I’m really sorry,” Lily said again, her eyebrows pulling together and forming a tiny crease between them.
“You’ve already apologized,” I sighed, wanting nothing more than to talk about something else.
“But… I shouldn’t have said those things,” Lily shook her head, pacing back and forth in front of me. “I know you didn’t come here to humiliate me. I just… sometimes I just lose it, you know?”
“Yeah, I think I know that better than anyone,” I muttered and was surprised when Lily didn’t give me her usual death glare.
“You were nice enough to give up your weekend to come with me and I’ve been a complete bitch to you. I don’t actually think you’re a bad person, that was a terrible thing for me to say,” Lily said earnestly, her eyes intent on my face.
“Er…it’s ok, really,” I muttered awkwardly, trying desperately to look anywhere other than her face.
“The thing is… I don’t like people knowing about Alex and I,” Lily said slowly, keeping her eyes trained on my face. “I—I hate him for what he did to me… what he said, I mean. It’s… embarrassing. And it’s been really hard for me to move past it, as hard as I’ve been trying. So I tend to get a little upset when people mention him…”
“But this isn’t just about what he said… There’s something more, isn’t there?” I guessed, dropping down onto the threadbare couch.
Lily sank down onto the coffee table in front of me, taking a deep breath.
“Yes, there’s more,” she admitted, dropping her eyes to her hands as she fiddled with the hem of her shirt.
“But you don’t want to tell me,” I guessed again and Lily bit her lip.
“I—“
But Lily didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence as the door to the flat flew open and Petunia Evans walked in.
Lily jumped off the coffee table and away from me so quickly that I barely realized it had happened until she was across the room.
“Tuney, you’re home!” Lily exclaimed breathlessly, obviously trying to collect herself from our conversation.
Petunia glanced briefly at her sister and rolled her eyes as she hung her coat on the nails hammered shoddily into the wall that sufficed as coat hooks.
“Oh, you’re still here,” Petunia sneered, walking past Lily towards her room.
“Yeah, I’m here ‘til tomorrow,” Lily frowned, looking crestfallen at her sister’s obvious disdain. “Are you hungry? I could make something to eat—“
“No,” Petunia cut her off. “I ate at Vernon’s.”
“Oh…How’s Vernon doing?” Lily asked politely as she started fidgeting with the hem of her t-shirt again.
It was almost painful to watch Lily interact with her sister. Lily (as much as I hated to admit it) seemed like she would actually be a good sister… so why did Petunia hate her so much?
“He’s fine. He’s coming here for dinner tomorrow night, and I haven’t told him you’re home so make sure you lot clear off before he gets here,” Petunia sniffed, her eyes flitting briefly to me.
“Why didn’t you tell him I’m home?” Lily asked, a sadness edging its way into her voice.
“I figure if I don’t mention you for a while, he might forget you exist,” Petunia sneered cruelly and Lily visibly winced. “Maybe I will too, come to think of it. One can only hope, right?”
Lily’s face crumbled as Petunia’s words hit her and I frowned. Who said something like that to their own sister?
“Tuney, please,” Lily said quietly, her eyes flitting to me and back to her sister. “Not in front of James.”
“Him?” Petunia jerked her head towards me, sending me a scornful look. “What’s he, your boyfriend or something?”
“No, but just the same—“
“I should have guessed,” Petunia snorted, crossing her arms and shifting her weight so one of her hips popped out. “I mean, who in their right mind would want to date a freak like you? You’re not even pretty.”
“Tuney, stop,” Lily muttered, dropping her eyes to the ground.
“You know, sometimes I feel bad that you got dad’s ridiculous hair and mum’s freckles,” Petunia smirked, obviously satisfied that she was getting under Lily’s skin. “But then I remember that you’re a witch and it’s only fitting for you to be completely hideous.”
“Stop. Please,” Lily said again, her voice breaking slightly. Why wasn’t she telling Petunia to shove it up her arse? This wasn’t the Lily Evans I knew… she wasn’t even trying to fight back.
“Just telling it like it is, darling,” Petunia smile mockingly at her sister. “It’s best you hear it now before you delude yourself into thinking someone could ever love a freak like you. Mum and dad only do because they have to.”
“Enough!” Lily finally snapped, pulling her wand from the waistband of her pajama pants. But Petunia was quicker and knocked Lily’s hand away. Lily’s wand clattered to the ground as her hand collided with the wall, exactly where the coat hook nails protruded.
I heard Lily give a shriek of pain as she doubled over, clutching her hand. A thin line of blood escaped down her arm and I stared at the two sisters in shock.
I half expected Lily to retaliate but instead she just straightened herself up and marched past Petunia, shoving her roughly out of the way in the process.
“Ugh, don’t touch me, freak!” Petunia snapped at Lily. “I don’t want to get any of your filthy witch blood on me.”
Lily stopped in her tracks and I jumped to my feet. I didn’t care who this bloody Muggle bitch was but she just insulted Lily Evans right to her face. Okay, so maybe I did tease her now and then but coming from her sister… It was different. I couldn’t bear it.
“Take that back,” I said, my voice breaking dangerously.
Lily turned back towards us, eyeing me as though she’d forgotten I was here.
“Excuse me?” Petunia snorted, her attention shifting to me. She seemed oddly amused that I had gotten so worked up over her words.
“Take. That. Back,” I repeated slowly, advancing on the blond sister. I towered over her, releasing the full force of my furious gaze on her and she cowered slightly. That was the second time within a year that someone had told Lily she had dirty blood and I, for one, was not about to let it slide.
“James, don’t.” Lily stepped between us, still clutching her hand. Her face had gone even paler with the sudden blood loss and she swayed slightly. “It’s not worth it.”
Petunia sent her a simpering smile. “Correction… you’re not worth it. Never forget that, freak.”
Petunia drew out the last word as she skirted around Lily and slammed her bedroom door in her face.
Lily stared at the closed door for a minute and without a word to me, she turned and hurried up the ladder to her room.
I stared after her, still shocked at what had just taken place. I had half a mind to go hex Petunia into a million pieces for saying the things she did to Lily, but I didn’t exactly fancy a trip to Azkaban tonight.
I took a deep breath and retrieved Lily’s wand from where it had fallen on the floor. I walked back towards her ladder, unsure of whether I should go up and comfort her or not.
I stood awkwardly in the linen closet staring up the ladder into Lily’s room. Looking around to kill time, I spotted a sleeping bag behind the ladder. I assumed Lily had gotten this for me so I grabbed it and with a deep sigh climbed the ladder to Lily’s room.
I ascended slowly, wondering whether Lily would kick me out or not. I still wasn’t sure where we stood after our last fight.
I paused about halfway up the ladder, peeking my head through the door before coming in all the way. I saw Lily huddled at the end of her bed with her back to me and I hoisted myself through the door, setting the sleeping bag quietly next to the square hole.
“Er… Lily?” I ventured quietly, not wanting to scare her as I took a few steps towards her bed.
She jumped slightly at my voice and she glanced over her shoulder at me quickly before turning away again.
“Oh… it’s you,” Lily breathed, bowing her head slightly and as my eyes adjusted to the dim light from her lone lamp I could see that she was carefully dabbing at the back of her right hand with a shred of cloth.
I approached her cautiously and sank down onto the end of her bed next to her. She turned away from me slightly, and I saw her struggling with the cloth that she was trying to wrap around her injured hand.
“I’m sorry about my sister… I’m sorry you had to see that,” Lily said softly, and there was something off about her voice. She reached her un-injured hand up and quickly brushed the back of it across her cheeks before she tried again (unsuccessfully) to bandage her hand.
“Here, let me do that,” I muttered, reaching out and taking her hand. I took the bandage off to start over and winced when I saw the long gash that ran the length of the back of her hand. She had cleaned all of the blood away, but the wound was still red and angry. Had we not been in a Muggle house, I would have offered to heal it for her, but as it were…
“You should go to the Hospital Wing when we get back,” I said, tying the bandage in a crude knot so it wouldn’t come undone. “You know, so you can get this healed properly.”
Lily just nodded, keeping her eyes on the ground. She didn’t even pull her hand away when I’d finished and I couldn’t help but notice how small it was, how strange it looked resting in my open palm.
I quickly pulled my hands away and Lily absently placed hers back in her lap, still not saying anything.
“Lily… what your sister said,” I spoke slowly, not wanting to upset her anymore. “She was totally out of line.”
Lily remained silent, but reached a hand up to brush her hair away from her face. Something glistened on her cheek as it caught the light from her lamp but she turned her head away before I could be sure it was a tear.
“Are you… crying?” I asked, leaning forward slightly to see her face.
Lily shook her head quickly and I raised my eyebrows slightly at her, though she didn’t see my skepticism.
Lily took a deep breath, straightened herself up, and turned slowly towards me. I watched her carefully, not surprised when her face came into view and it was streaked with tears despite her efforts to wipe them away. She kept her eyes down, tears clinging to her long eyelashes like little diamonds.
“I’m sorry, I hate crying in front of people,” Lily said quietly, dabbing uselessly at her eye, but the tears weren’t stopping. “The whole being vulnerable thing… it just d-doesn’t work for me.”
“Look, you don’t need to put on a brave face for me or anything,” I muttered awkwardly.
“I know,” Lily whispered and she squeezed her eyes closed as more tears leaked from the corners. She slumped forward, dropping her head into her hands. Her small shoulders shook slightly as she let the tears out.
It was unnerving to see Lily like this. In my five and a half years of knowing her I had never once seen her cry. Ever. She had always seemed so put together, so strong… But now she was crumbling before me, and I had no idea what to do.
So I did the only thing that seemed natural. I scooted closer to her on the bed and put my arm around her, hoping in some twisted way she would see this as an act of comfort.
Lily didn’t pull away as I expected her to. Instead she leaned in closer to me, hesitating ever so slightly before collapsing completely against my chest with a great sob. I was stunned for a moment at this reaction but I just let her cry, thinking that was probably all she needed right now.
After a minute or two of looking awkwardly around the room (anywhere but at Lily) I finally caved and let my eyes drift down towards her.
I instantly regretted that decision.
I stared at her and tried to ignore the way her fingers clung onto my jacket as she cried. I tried to ignore the way her tears were hot as they soaked through my shirt. I tried to ignore the way her cheek felt where she rested it against my chest and how my heart raced with her touch. I tried to ignore the way her hair smelled like lavender as I brushed it away from her face and how soft her skin of her cheek was as I brushed the tears from it.
I tried to ignore all of these things. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t ignore the effect she had on me anymore.
I had asked Lily Evans out probably more than a hundred times and never—not once—had I actually imagined what it might be like if she said yes. I had never imagined how it would be to sit like this with her, to comfort her, to hold hands with her, to touch her, to kiss her… I had never let myself. It was too dangerous.
Because I knew she would say no. She always did. Her actually saying ‘yes’ had never been part of the plan. She wasn’t supposed to say yes. Her resounding ‘no’ was all part of the game we played—well, used to play, I guess. Those days were definitely gone now.
But I’d never had real feelings for the girl. I mean, she was just a girl. An annoying, bossy, know-it-all girl who hated my guts.
Until now.
I couldn’t just ignore that my feelings towards her were far from indifferent anymore.
All these years I’d thought I’d known all I needed to about her, never caring that there was so much more to her than what she put off at school. Her family, her home, her childhood, her life…I found myself wanting to know more, as twisted as it seemed.
It was like someone had flipped on the light switch in my brain and I was seeing Lily properly for the first time. I’d been seeing her through this hazy, warped window for the past five years…. And here she was in front of me now, clear as day. Why hadn’t I bothered to see this before? With all of her carefully constructed walls down, this girl was… well, there were no words for what she was. She was simply Lily.
“I just can’t win,” Lily whispered in a shaky voice, interrupting my thoughts. “I can’t d-d-do this anymore.”
Out of the blue, I remembered something I had heard from who-knows-where: The girl who seemed unbreakable, broke… The girl who seemed strong, crumbled… The girl who always smiled, cried… And the girl who never gave up, quit trying…
“Do what?” I asked quietly, trying not to notice the perfect way her lips turned down at the corners. This was so wrong. I didn’t like her. I didn’t. I liked Carly, remember? Carly. Carly. Carly.
Shit. Carly. I had totally forgotten I had bailed her at the Slughorn party. But that didn’t seem to matter.
“I c-can’t straddle these two worlds anymore,” Lily stuttered, lifting her head off my chest. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, trying to stop the tears. “They teach Muggle Studies but they never talk about the important things… like how hard it is for Muggle-born students. Why don’t they teach us how to deal with our families? How to talk to them about magic? I c-can’t do it anymore. At Hogwarts, my b-blood is dirty because I’m Muggle-born. And h-here… I’m hated because I have ‘filthy witch blood’. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I’d never found out I was a w-w-witch at all.”
Lily let herself fall backwards on her bed, her hands still pressed to her eyes, her red hair fanned out around her head.
“Hey, don’t ever say that,” I said forcefully, turning myself around to face her.
“It’s caused more trouble than good,” Lily muttered and I rolled my eyes. Overly dramatic as usual. “I wouldn’t have lost Tuney. My parents wouldn’t have such a hard time paying for tuition at Hogwarts. I wouldn’t have to put up with all of the Muggle-born drama.”
“Come on,” I drawled, nudging her lightly in the side. I had decided it was time to start cheering her up, time to start fixing things. “Can you honestly imagine your life if you hadn’t gone to Hogwarts? I mean, who would I torment all the time?”
I thought I saw the corner of Lily’s mouth twitch under her hands and she let out a deep sigh, pushing herself farther back on her bed where she propped herself up with her pillow.
I moved down the bed so that I was next to her, our shoulders nearly touching as we lay on her narrow mattress together. She didn’t seem to mind my proximity, but I guessed that her mind was a bit preoccupied tonight. She’d regret it tomorrow, and I’d get blamed, and everything would be back to normal.
But I didn’t care. I just needed her to be happy again. I couldn’t stand seeing her like that, hearing her talk like that.
“When I first got my letter, I was having a row with my parents,” I said, turning my head to look at Lily. She peered at me through her fingers and I had to smile a little at how innocent and child-like she looked. “I had crashed my toy broomstick into one of my mother’s favorite shrubs and so they’d taken it away from me for the rest of the summer. I was furious. I threw tantrum after tantrum but they wouldn’t give it back. Well, I got my letter a few days later and I was still quite angry so I told them I didn’t want to go and that I wanted to enroll in a Muggle school. Mum nearly fainted. Dad didn’t talk to me for three days.”
A small smile turned up the corners of Lily’s lips as she listened and slowly she dropped her hands completely from her face, tucking them under her cheek as she rolled onto her side to face me.
“My parents cried when I got my letter… they were so happy,” Lily said softly. “But I’d actually known for a few years before that I’d be going to Hogwarts.”
“How?” I asked curiously, frowning. “I mean… you were a Muggle, you couldn’t have known…”
“Well, it started when I was nine… I could do things, strange things,” Lily breathed quietly, her eyes flitting away from my face. “I first noticed it in the flower shop… the one’s I touched would open and close their petals. Some would even change color. But it was Severus who told me that what I could do was magic.”
“Snape?” I choked, completely taken by surprise.
Lily’s eyes flashed to my face, a warning etched deep in them.
“Yes,” she said carefully, narrowing her eyes at me.
“I’m sorry, keep going,” I urged, not wanting to upset her again. As much as I hated hearing about Snivellus, I found myself inexplicably hanging on her every word.
“He saw me showing Pet—“ Lily cut off suddenly, her mouth stumbling around her sister’s name but she regained herself quickly. “I was showing her my trick with flowers… how I could make them move, come alive. And he told me it was magic. He told me all about Hogwarts—how we would get our letters by owl and how’d I’d get my very own wand.”
“So that’s why you defend him, why you’re still friends,” I concluded, turning my face back to the ceiling, pondering this. It made much more sense now, why Lily turned a blind eye to all of Snape’s wrongdoings and why she felt so protective of him.
All the reason why Snivelly likes her and Lily likes him. Something sneered inside me. Bloody hell. What was that?
Lily didn’t answer me and I took her silence as confirmation. I could feel the mattress moving slightly beneath me as Lily breathed in and out slowly and shakily. I wondered what she was thinking about, whether she regretted being so open with me, whether she still regretted me coming with her.
I felt the bed move as Lily readjusted her position but I kept my eyes on the ceiling, my head too full of thoughts to be able to form coherent sentences.
“James?” I heard Lily whisper and I let my eyes wander back to her face only to see that she was staring up at the ceiling in exactly the same position that I was lying. “Can I ask you something?”
I snapped my eyes back to the ceiling, dread flooding through me. This was what I was afraid of… Lily was finally going to ask me about the whole “caring about you” thing.
What would I even say? ‘Just kidding, I didn’t mean it’… yeah, that was sure to go over well. ‘I guess I care about you, but only in the ‘if-you-died-I’d-feel-bad’ way?”…She’d probably get mad about that one too. “Yes, I care about you and may or may not have deep, unrealized feelings for you?”…I’m pretty sure that would creep her out. But what was the truth? Why did I care about her?
“James?” Lily asked again, trying to hide a yawn, and I realized I hadn’t answered her.
“Go ahead,” I sighed and I felt Lily roll over onto her side again, though I didn’t look to see if it was towards me or away.
“Do you remember that night when we were up in your dorm playing Never-Have-I-Ever?” Lily asked tentatively and I frowned, surprised by her question.
“Er… yeah, I remember,” I answered. “What about it?”
“Well…” Lily started and I detected a hint of apprehension in her tired voice. “You took a drink when Sirius asked if anyone had ever cheated or been cheated on… I was just curious…”
Lily let her sentence trail off awkwardly and I stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense of her question. Of all the things that were said that night, why was she questioning this particular thing? Was she worried I had cheated on someone? What did she care? She had never taken any interest in my love life before…
“Cheated on,” I said after a minute of deliberation. “But it wasn’t anything serious. It was back at the beginning of fifth year, about three days after I’d asked Jane Larson to be my girlfriend. I found her snogging some Slytherin bloke in a corridor. I guess that can barely be considered cheating, but there you go…”
“Oh…” was all Lily said and not for the first time I wanted desperately to know what she was thinking.
My eyebrows pulled together as I continued to ponder her random question. The entire night had been completely baffling for a number of reasons and so many things had happened it was hard to keep track.
But the one thing that stood out the most was that it seemed that Lily and I had finally established some semblance of a friendship, however twisted it may be. All of the fights we had had seemed silly now, somehow. All of the games we played, the contests, always trying to out-do the other… that was all in the past now. I hoped that Lily felt that way too, but I couldn’t be sure. She had definitely let her guard down with me tonight and I could only hope that she felt the same way in the morning…
I had no idea what time it was, but I guessed it was well after midnight by now. I suppose I should move to the sleeping bag on the floor…
“Lily?” I whispered, turning my head towards her to say goodnight but she didn’t answer and as I took in the sight of her, I realized she was already asleep. Her hands were cradled under her face, her red hair spilling over her shoulders and into her closed eyes. Her breathing was slower now and steadier. She looked peaceful, even after everything that had happened.
I rolled over onto my side, a more comfortable position for sleeping, and something dug into my leg through my pocket. I quickly pulled the offending object out and stopped when I realized it was the owl necklace Alex had given Lily.
She had been so close to telling me what really happened there… would I ever find out? Curiosity burned in my brain as I stared at the little owl charm that glinted in the dim light from Lily’s lamp. I guess this was just one thing about Lily I might never understand…
I knew I should put the necklace back before I forgot, but instead I let my eyes drift closed, exhaustion washing over me. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I should move to the floor, but sleep took over me and before I could stop it, I was carried off to the undisturbed shores of a dreamless sleep, hoping beyond hope that when I woke up, all off these new and strange feelings for Lily would be gone.
A girl and a boy stood at the edge of a vast lake, its waters sparkling in the setting sun. The girl’s red hair was blowing wildly in the wind and there was something vaguely familiar about her, though I couldn’t put my finger on it…
“I don’t understand,” the girl whispered, her voice carrying in the breeze to where I was watching, undetected by the pair.
“It’s just not working,” the boy said, turning away from the girl and I caught a glimpse of his face, immediately feeling the unease in my stomach every time I saw that face.
“But, I love you,” the girl pleaded, her voice echoing devastatingly in the wind.
Wait, she wasn’t supposed to love him. That’s not how this part was supposed to happen. This was wrong…
“I know,” the boy said, his voice flat. “But I don’t love you.”
The girl let out a sob, her arms dropping to her side. She took a step towards him, and then another, walking around to see his face. It was painful to watch, knowing what was about to happen… but I couldn’t move. I was rooted to the spot, too far away to call out to the girl, to tell her to leave before she gets hurt.
He turned away from her, keeping his back towards her while she continued to circle him, searching desperately for his face.
Something was really wrong. Where was his face? Why wouldn’t he turn towards her?
“Alex, what have you done?” she whispered, gripping his shoulders and trying to turn him but he wouldn’t budge.
“I slept with her. I’m sorry,” came Alex’s voice. It was removed from his body, floating and twisting into a mocking echo in the wind.
Alex turned back towards the girl and I realized with a jolt that it wasn’t Alex, and I wasn’t watching from afar anymore. I was the girl. And I was staring straight into the face of James Potter.
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head in disbelief. “No…”
“I don’t love you, Lily,” James said stonily, his face devoid of all emotion. His butterscotch eyes were stony cold and his jaw was taut with hostility.
“No!” I gasped, jerking away as I sat bolt upright in my bed.
It took me several seconds to realize that I wasn’t in my bed in the Gryffindor tower but instead the tiny lamp on my desk illuminated the shabby bedroom of my house in York. I hadn’t even remembered falling asleep…
I reached up to rub the sleep out of my eyes with my hand and at the site of the bandage tied crudely around my hand, everything from the night before came back to me in a rush.
“You alright?” A hoarse voice next to me whispered and I glanced down to see James Potter lying alongside me. One of his hazel eyes opened a fraction to gaze up at me. His glasses were clutched loosely in his hand and his hair was even more tousled than normal.
“I’m fine,” I muttered, shaking my head and James closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he sank back into sleep.
I lowered my head back onto my pillow, trying to push the dream far, far away in my mind. Yesterday had been confusing enough without adding that dream into the mix. It wasn’t the first time I’d dreamed of Alex, but it was definitely the first time I’d dreamed of James Potter. That in and of itself was disturbing enough.
James gave a deep sigh in his sleep, his glasses slipping from his hand and I watched him shift slightly so that he was facing me.
Of all the things I never expected to happen in my life, sharing a bed with James Potter was definitely high on the list. And yet… I wasn’t even disturbed by his proximity. Shouldn’t I be shoving him away from me? Calling him a pervert and hexing him into oblivion?
Things had changed indescribably between us in the last 24 hours and I couldn’t understand it… One minute we were yelling at each other, and the next he was holding me while I cried and sharing stories from our childhood. It was so hot and cold with him… I wondered if he felt the change, too.
It was hard to imagine going back to school after this… would other people notice the change? Well, if I stopped routinely yelling at him, people would be sure to notice. And I definitely couldn’t bring myself to yell at him after everything that had happened tonight. After everything he’d done for me…
And he had said he cared about me… what about that? A slip of the tongue? Did he say it just to get me to shut up? I wouldn’t put it past him, though I felt bad for even thinking that now. Hadn’t he proven that he was trustworthy this weekend? He had dealt with my family (particularly Petunia), consoled me while I cried my bloody eyes out, even managed to cheer me up. So… I should trust him, right?
But why did he say he cared about me?
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